I'm not paying my housecleaner through this. I was one of many customers. She came once every two weeks.

I don't feel bad about it. You might call me rich but that's labeling. It takes a lot to be "middle class" in the DC area. We earn a lot, but we spend a lot to live where we live in DC suburbs in a seemly middle class lifestyle. Those things that cost way more than it could include having a yard, eating out so we are not exhausted and have energy to give(aka not yell) to our kids. I think I deserve to have a yard. I think I earned it. I think I deserve, at the end of the day, to not be so short fused and stressed that I end up yelling at my 7 year old for something innocent. I think I deserve a relatively new Toyota Highlander instead of a 12 year old one. These are all things that cost a lot in the DC area. You have to be "wealthy" if you want to call it that, to have all those things.

I'm also an immigrant. Our family immigrated to US when I was 8. My parents are what you call those low income earners. We lived hand to mouth. We didn't have a paycheck sometimes so we used credit card to live. When I graduated from college, we had about 4-5 years of living costs built up on credit card bills and when I started earning a paycheck, we paid off those credit card bills together as a family for years. It was hard to pay off just the minimum sometimes.

I preservered. My whole family had a really good work ethic. When others were going to beach week in high school, I studied to get into a good college and ace all the tests. In college when others were "having the time of their lives," I studied in the library until 2am most days, including Fridays. One of my most vivid memories from college is walking home from the library where I had been studying to my dorm at 2am past all the people puking in the street. When I started working, I was eager, didn't waste time at work and worked as hard as I can.


I now have a family. We have a nice house in McLean. I have two kids that I can send to tutoring or whatever extra curricular they want. We had a nanny when they were younger. We have house cleaners. We have yard workers. To get to where I am, I worked really hard.

When things like COVID come up, I think we deserve a little extra security for all the hard work that I put in.

I do give to charity. I do all the little things like picking the card on the Christmas tree to pick out a gift for people who can't afford gifts. I buy the extra groceries to help out when they have drives at the grocery store. Sure, I feel that some people have been unlucky and it's not their fault. And they do deserve some help. And I do help.

But no, when I look at the bottom of my heart right now and think about "do I feel bad that I'm not paying my house cleaner?" No, I do not feel bad. I worked my butt off all my life so I can get to where I am. I don't think people are owed a paycheck because a pandemic happens. It's not a "no brainer" to pay your housecleaner as some people call it.

[quote=Anonymous]I have tried for years to pay my nanny "on the books" even covering the extra fees etc. but she wants to be paid cash and not claim it and then get her heath care benefits for less or something .. I don't understand.. now I feel guilty if we will likely have to get rid of her if one of us gets laid off .. and now she won't be able to file for unemployment.. it is a two way street .. [/quote]

It’s not a two way street. You’re the employer.

[quote=Anonymous]I have tried for years to pay my nanny "on the books" even covering the extra fees etc. but she wants to be paid cash and not claim it and then get her heath care benefits for less or something .. I don't understand.. now I feel guilty if we will likely have to get rid of her if one of us gets laid off .. and now she won't be able to file for unemployment.. it is a two way street .. [/quote]

Why did you agree to pay her off the books?!

I have tried for years to pay my nanny "on the books" even covering the extra fees etc. but she wants to be paid cash and not claim it and then get her heath care benefits for less or something .. I don't understand.. now I feel guilty if we will likely have to get rid of her if one of us gets laid off .. and now she won't be able to file for unemployment.. it is a two way street ..

Anonymous wrote:I think asking for pay over a video chat w/a child is wrong.

Depends on how long it lasts. At least 30 minutes each time, several times per day or week? With the expectation that the nanny would entertain and busy the child? I would. No expectation and very little time, I’d let it go.

I think asking for pay over a video chat w/a child is wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.

Because a child loved the nanny and the nanny loved the child.

It’s just different. Employing a nanny and being a nanny is a very different dynamic and connection than any other type of employment I’ve ever experienced. If you’ve never been a nanny or employed a nanny who you and your child love, you won’t understand.

I've been a nanny, babysitter, day care worker and another profession working for kids. I never "loved" the kids I cared for. Some I liked more than others but all would say they were my favorite as I treated them all like I'd want mine treated. The love I have for my kids is not comparable. I cannot remember the names of any of the kids and I had nannies growing up and I don't remember any of them. They would stop by to see my parents when we were older every few years and I had no idea who they were without prompting or cared.

You are not the norm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Most people in the USA are at will employees. Instead of blaming individuals, you can blame the USA's particularity among wealthy nations, which is to have an almost non-existent safety net. Other countries have much better protections from workers. If more Americans had better protections, they would in turn offer a little something to their own housekeepers/landscapers/etc, because it would become a cultural habit.

Are you saying that the wealthy tech workers likely have no safety nets? Or that because we have an individualistic culture the wealthy are oblivious to the needs of others? Something else? In my experience many people who have the least share the most.

After working with homeless people I can say this is #fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.

Because a child loved the nanny and the nanny loved the child.

It’s just different. Employing a nanny and being a nanny is a very different dynamic and connection than any other type of employment I’ve ever experienced. If you’ve never been a nanny or employed a nanny who you and your child love, you won’t understand.

I've been a nanny, babysitter, day care worker and another profession working for kids. I never "loved" the kids I cared for. Some I liked more than others but all would say they were my favorite as I treated them all like I'd want mine treated. The love I have for my kids is not comparable. I cannot remember the names of any of the kids and I had nannies growing up and I don't remember any of them. They would stop by to see my parents when we were older every few years and I had no idea who they were without prompting or cared.

You always post this, OP. And your posts always make me feel so sad for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.

Because a child loved the nanny and the nanny loved the child.

It’s just different. Employing a nanny and being a nanny is a very different dynamic and connection than any other type of employment I’ve ever experienced. If you’ve never been a nanny or employed a nanny who you and your child love, you won’t understand.

I've been a nanny, babysitter, day care worker and another profession working for kids. I never "loved" the kids I cared for. Some I liked more than others but all would say they were my favorite as I treated them all like I'd want mine treated. The love I have for my kids is not comparable. I cannot remember the names of any of the kids and I had nannies growing up and I don't remember any of them. They would stop by to see my parents when we were older every few years and I had no idea who they were without prompting or cared.

You’ve posted this many times before, PP. I’m sorry you never bonded with your charges or that you never bonded with your nannies. I had one nanny growing up who is still very much a part of my life! I’m extremely close to my parents, too.

I’ve never been a nanny but I want our nanny to love and be loved by her nanny.

I grew up in NYC where many families kept nannies through elementary school and beyond. I have multiple friends whose old nannies are the godparents for their kids. One friend’s parents kept their nanny on as a totally unnecessary house manager once she was old enough to stay home alone and that ex-nanny now lives in their old apartment and only pays maintenance on it. If you really can’t remember the names of the kids you nannied for, that’s pretty sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.

Because a child loved the nanny and the nanny loved the child.

It’s just different. Employing a nanny and being a nanny is a very different dynamic and connection than any other type of employment I’ve ever experienced. If you’ve never been a nanny or employed a nanny who you and your child love, you won’t understand.

I've been a nanny, babysitter, day care worker and another profession working for kids. I never "loved" the kids I cared for. Some I liked more than others but all would say they were my favorite as I treated them all like I'd want mine treated. The love I have for my kids is not comparable. I cannot remember the names of any of the kids and I had nannies growing up and I don't remember any of them. They would stop by to see my parents when we were older every few years and I had no idea who they were without prompting or cared.

That's the saddest thing I ever heard. The first kids I took care of as babies are in college now. I had lunch with them recently at their request. I speak to their parents frequently. I love them more than anything. I'm so glad to have been their caregiver and that they are so loving and sweet. The children I took care of in my most recent position are like grandchildren to me. I couldn't live without seeing them. Many children and parents in between who are dear dear friends that I would never forget.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.

Because a child loved the nanny and the nanny loved the child.

It’s just different. Employing a nanny and being a nanny is a very different dynamic and connection than any other type of employment I’ve ever experienced. If you’ve never been a nanny or employed a nanny who you and your child love, you won’t understand.

I've been a nanny, babysitter, day care worker and another profession working for kids. I never "loved" the kids I cared for. Some I liked more than others but all would say they were my favorite as I treated them all like I'd want mine treated. The love I have for my kids is not comparable. I cannot remember the names of any of the kids and I had nannies growing up and I don't remember any of them. They would stop by to see my parents when we were older every few years and I had no idea who they were without prompting or cared.

Anonymous wrote:Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.

Because a child loved the nanny and the nanny loved the child.

It’s just different. Employing a nanny and being a nanny is a very different dynamic and connection than any other type of employment I’ve ever experienced. If you’ve never been a nanny or employed a nanny who you and your child love, you won’t understand.

Someone lost their job. Nannies more entitled than any other worker who is undocumented or under the table worker ? What is it about nannies that makes every story so tragic? Tragic would be they gave each other COVID somehow.