Anonymous wrote:OP here again. My AP opened my eyes to how I deserved to be treated. It is so hard to give that up for a man who made changes only in response to know another man was in the picture.

My ap was way more fantastical than the feelings i had for my spouse before we married. He made me feel amazing, in a way i never had before, nor since. I loved the way he made me feel.

If i could do it again I'd do it again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the cheater and I have to to tell you after my own personal intense counseling, it made me realize I was in a toxic marriage. While cheating is never okay, and I did cheat on my husband, what counseling did show me is that my marriage was a joke and we divorced because of that and not the affair. I ended up remarrying 5 years later to a man that is my person, that is right for me. No, he was not the AP that I was madly in love with either. Just be ready to leave your spouse regardless of what they want.

Sounds like you have no ability to accept responsibility. The marriage was toxic as you choose to cheat. You never cheat. Be honorable and get a divorce if the marriage is so bad.

Seriously! Cheaters have an amazing ability to compartmentalize. Hence how they can hurt so many people and put themselves first for so long. Toxic or not, BE AN HONORABLE PERSON AND LEAVE.

If I told you my husband verbally and emotionally abused me for years, will you still be on his side? Look, I got married at 18 to a 28 year old man, who I thought was saving me. Over time, he controlled everything I did. I was not even allowed to talk to my mom unless it was on speaker. He would check my texts and phone log every day. I cheated with our neighbor. I never said it was OKAY...I clearly said it's not okay to just cheat. Bottom line for me, it was the AP that made me realize I was being abused. You people and your honorable crap.

Anonymous wrote:I am trying to mend my marriage after a long-term affair. I was the cheater. I am still in love with the other person but have gone no contact to try to work on things at home. We are in marriage counseling and some of issues that led to affair are being addressed but the strong feelings i have for other person are hard to overcome. My spouse does not want to divorce. If you were the cheater, were you able to fall back in love with your spouse? Judgers, please refrain from commenting -- I know where you stand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So a couple of things:

Your connection with the AP could be your reflection of what you want on the AP and may not be grounded in reality. Also, your current view of marriage is Yoalso through the lens of affair and so you could be re-writing some of that. In other words, you need some time, distance and self-reflection before taking big steps.

100% this. OP, you are not seeing all sides of your AP. You aren’t living with the AP, dealing with stress of kids and finances, cleaning the house, etc. You sound so deep in the fog. Chances are you like how the AP makes you feel, and that’s it. Check back into your marriage. Give it a real chance instead of lining over the unicorns and rainbows in your fantasy world. You are lucky your spouse is willing to give you another chance. Use it wisely. Take advantage of the resources people mentioned. The reality is that you think your situation is different and unique, but it’s just another nothing-special affair, and your AP is someone who is willing to cheat with a married AP and break up another family (maybe their own, too, if AP is married). What about that screams quality person or partner?

No relationship (as young people) begins with the stress of kids and finances. Yet we all get married. No one warns us that the dating fun we have in our 20's isn't real life. So that argument doesn't fly with me. Of course I like how the AP made me feel. Just like how I liked how my husband made me feel when we first started dating. I need help falling back in love with my spouse. Not naysayers telling me my relationship with AP was fantasy. It was no more fantastical than the early years of dating my legitimate husband.

Anonymous wrote:

FWIW, and I am waiting for the insults, I married my AP and have never looked back. I have one child with my first husband and two with my current husband. I have been married to my AP for 20 years. My ex husband and current husband even golf together. Sure, at first everyone hated everyone, but the kids come first and they just wanted all of us to love one another and get along. My ex also remarried. We all do birthdays and holidays. I host Thanksgiving for everyone every year. I love his wife and my kids stepmom. She is my go to for everything and I truly love her. We are all one big happy blended family.

The kids probably aren’t as happy as you want to think - studies show that. But aside from that, the fact that you “never looked back” and apparently have zero remorse for the way your current relationship started reflects really poorly on you. At least profess to be self-aware enough to realize that it would have been better for everyone involved if you had been mature and unselfish enough to have ended your first marriage before entering another relationship with a married man and blowing up two families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So a couple of things:

Your connection with the AP could be your reflection of what you want on the AP and may not be grounded in reality. Also, your current view of marriage is Yoalso through the lens of affair and so you could be re-writing some of that. In other words, you need some time, distance and self-reflection before taking big steps.

100% this. OP, you are not seeing all sides of your AP. You aren’t living with the AP, dealing with stress of kids and finances, cleaning the house, etc. You sound so deep in the fog. Chances are you like how the AP makes you feel, and that’s it. Check back into your marriage. Give it a real chance instead of lining over the unicorns and rainbows in your fantasy world. You are lucky your spouse is willing to give you another chance. Use it wisely. Take advantage of the resources people mentioned. The reality is that you think your situation is different and unique, but it’s just another nothing-special affair, and your AP is someone who is willing to cheat with a married AP and break up another family (maybe their own, too, if AP is married). What about that screams quality person or partner?

No relationship (as young people) begins with the stress of kids and finances. Yet we all get married. No one warns us that the dating fun we have in our 20's isn't real life. So that argument doesn't fly with me. Of course I like how the AP made me feel. Just like how I liked how my husband made me feel when we first started dating. I need help falling back in love with my spouse. Not naysayers telling me my relationship with AP was fantasy. It was no more fantastical than the early years of dating my legitimate husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So a couple of things:

Your connection with the AP could be your reflection of what you want on the AP and may not be grounded in reality. Also, your current view of marriage is Yoalso through the lens of affair and so you could be re-writing some of that. In other words, you need some time, distance and self-reflection before taking big steps.

100% this. OP, you are not seeing all sides of your AP. You aren’t living with the AP, dealing with stress of kids and finances, cleaning the house, etc. You sound so deep in the fog. Chances are you like how the AP makes you feel, and that’s it. Check back into your marriage. Give it a real chance instead of lining over the unicorns and rainbows in your fantasy world. You are lucky your spouse is willing to give you another chance. Use it wisely. Take advantage of the resources people mentioned. The reality is that you think your situation is different and unique, but it’s just another nothing-special affair, and your AP is someone who is willing to cheat with a married AP and break up another family (maybe their own, too, if AP is married). What about that screams quality person or partner?

No relationship (as young people) begins with the stress of kids and finances. Yet we all get married. No one warns us that the dating fun we have in our 20's isn't real life. So that argument doesn't fly with me. Of course I like how the AP made me feel. Just like how I liked how my husband made me feel when we first started dating. I need help falling back in love with my spouse. Not naysayers telling me my relationship with AP was fantasy. It was no more fantastical than the early years of dating my legitimate husband.

A lot of denial going on here. If you don't love him it's probably not going to happen. Can't force yourself, but you can stay married. If you want to keep the family together I would suggest accepting it will be a roommate type marriage. Many are and they work. Many couples don't stay in love for various reasons. You need to accept that you may never feel that for him.

Hey, thank you. I may not be able to get it back. If that is the case I will leave. It isn't fair to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So a couple of things:

Your connection with the AP could be your reflection of what you want on the AP and may not be grounded in reality. Also, your current view of marriage is Yoalso through the lens of affair and so you could be re-writing some of that. In other words, you need some time, distance and self-reflection before taking big steps.

100% this. OP, you are not seeing all sides of your AP. You aren’t living with the AP, dealing with stress of kids and finances, cleaning the house, etc. You sound so deep in the fog. Chances are you like how the AP makes you feel, and that’s it. Check back into your marriage. Give it a real chance instead of lining over the unicorns and rainbows in your fantasy world. You are lucky your spouse is willing to give you another chance. Use it wisely. Take advantage of the resources people mentioned. The reality is that you think your situation is different and unique, but it’s just another nothing-special affair, and your AP is someone who is willing to cheat with a married AP and break up another family (maybe their own, too, if AP is married). What about that screams quality person or partner?

No relationship (as young people) begins with the stress of kids and finances. Yet we all get married. No one warns us that the dating fun we have in our 20's isn't real life. So that argument doesn't fly with me. Of course I like how the AP made me feel. Just like how I liked how my husband made me feel when we first started dating. I need help falling back in love with my spouse. Not naysayers telling me my relationship with AP was fantasy. It was no more fantastical than the early years of dating my legitimate husband.

Anonymous wrote:

So a couple of things:

Your connection with the AP could be your reflection of what you want on the AP and may not be grounded in reality. Also, your current view of marriage is Yoalso through the lens of affair and so you could be re-writing some of that. In other words, you need some time, distance and self-reflection before taking big steps.

100% this. OP, you are not seeing all sides of your AP. You aren’t living with the AP, dealing with stress of kids and finances, cleaning the house, etc. You sound so deep in the fog. Chances are you like how the AP makes you feel, and that’s it. Check back into your marriage. Give it a real chance instead of lining over the unicorns and rainbows in your fantasy world. You are lucky your spouse is willing to give you another chance. Use it wisely. Take advantage of the resources people mentioned. The reality is that you think your situation is different and unique, but it’s just another nothing-special affair, and your AP is someone who is willing to cheat with a married AP and break up another family (maybe their own, too, if AP is married). What about that screams quality person or partner?

FWIW, and I am waiting for the insults, I married my AP and have never looked back. I have one child with my first husband and two with my current husband. I have been married to my AP for 20 years. My ex husband and current husband even golf together. Sure, at first everyone hated everyone, but the kids come first and they just wanted all of us to love one another and get along. My ex also remarried. We all do birthdays and holidays. I host Thanksgiving for everyone every year. I love his wife and my kids stepmom. She is my go to for everything and I truly love her. We are all one big happy blended family.