You don’t dictate terms for how a parent raises his/her child. We’re a blended family and we keep this rule.

BTW, I love my stepchildren dearly. Our sons are as close as biological brothers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the kid was not through enough to deny her few bucks from her own father?

I would by a Cinderella dvd and give to her next time she comment. I would say, I was considering to write a story about you but lo and behold it already exist!

Why can’t mom help?

Why is dad supporting other people’s kids and not his own???

This has nothing to do with the topic. Why cannot mom contribute books? Car expenses are not college costs and child cannot afford a car and shouldn't have one.

Maybe mom helps in other ways... like letting her live with her in the summer, or doctors bills... it should be split.

The step mom sucks and the daughter will remember this when he need care as an old man.

Letting her live with her mom? Seriously? It sounds like mom made all the decisions and then demands Dad pays and she doesn't contribute a dime. Each parent should have say in what is going on and agree to the lifestyle and what they would pay. I would not pay for a child to have a car in college. Car repairs are not a necessity. Mom in this situation wasn't saying she'd split the bill. Mom is saying child took loans and is working and living in an apartment and demanding Dad pay anything that child cannot afford. It sounds like mom only buys or pays for things with Dad's child support. Child support terminated and she's not willing to pay for anything out of her money. Dad can choose what he pays and its probably a variety of factors. He may still be paying child support on younger kids and cannot afford unnecessary car repairs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter has grants, loans, and part time job. She has asked for help with things like costs of text books and car repairs. Stepmom invited her own adult daughter to move in with them, it’s been a couple of years now. She does not pay rent and an adult son had previously lived rent free with them. Stepmom makes snarky comments to daughter and her dad when she feels dad is doing too much. From her perspective, it costs less to provide free room and board, then to send a check out. From our perspective, free room and board, is providing a lot more help. Daughter has had roommates but pays her own rent.

Do you expect to find or instill morals or empathy in a marriage wrecker?

Marriage wrecker?! How do we know OP didn’t leave years ago for another man?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the kid was not through enough to deny her few bucks from her own father?

I would by a Cinderella dvd and give to her next time she comment. I would say, I was considering to write a story about you but lo and behold it already exist!

Why can’t mom help?

Why is dad supporting other people’s kids and not his own???

This has nothing to do with the topic. Why cannot mom contribute books? Car expenses are not college costs and child cannot afford a car and shouldn't have one.

Maybe mom helps in other ways... like letting her live with her in the summer, or doctors bills... it should be split.

The step mom sucks and the daughter will remember this when he need care as an old man.

True, yet, I have heard of a few women, who provided some help to an elderly father, who ended up alone, one, from divorce, and one who was widowed.

and he probably helped with college books.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the kid was not through enough to deny her few bucks from her own father?

I would by a Cinderella dvd and give to her next time she comment. I would say, I was considering to write a story about you but lo and behold it already exist!

Why can’t mom help?

Why is dad supporting other people’s kids and not his own???

This has nothing to do with the topic. Why cannot mom contribute books? Car expenses are not college costs and child cannot afford a car and shouldn't have one.

Maybe mom helps in other ways... like letting her live with her in the summer, or doctors bills... it should be split.

The step mom sucks and the daughter will remember this when he need care as an old man.

True, yet, I have heard of a few women, who provided some help to an elderly father, who ended up alone, one, from divorce, and one who was widowed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the kid was not through enough to deny her few bucks from her own father?

I would by a Cinderella dvd and give to her next time she comment. I would say, I was considering to write a story about you but lo and behold it already exist!

Why can’t mom help?

Why is dad supporting other people’s kids and not his own???

This has nothing to do with the topic. Why cannot mom contribute books? Car expenses are not college costs and child cannot afford a car and shouldn't have one.

Maybe mom helps in other ways... like letting her live with her in the summer, or doctors bills... it should be split.

The step mom sucks and the daughter will remember this when he need care as an old man.

Anonymous wrote:This is why divorce isn’t fair to kids. You should have worked this out in divorce docs.

Divorce docs don’t generally discuss college since only adults go to college.

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the incels.

I wouldn't say anything OP , but I would encourage daughter to speak to dad directly.

In the future some schools let you rent books for the semester at a lower cost.. Also look into additional scholarship that may cover books.

Also check with profs some don't frequently change books and she may be able to get books for cheap from other students. I knew people who would swap books to save.

Car repairs are not college costs. Mom can help pay for college and books. Sounds like mom isn't contributing anything. Child has two parents who can contribute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the kid was not through enough to deny her few bucks from her own father?

I would by a Cinderella dvd and give to her next time she comment. I would say, I was considering to write a story about you but lo and behold it already exist!

Why can’t mom help?

Why is dad supporting other people’s kids and not his own???

This has nothing to do with the topic. Why cannot mom contribute books? Car expenses are not college costs and child cannot afford a car and shouldn't have one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe because she's tired of her husband being treated like a human ATM machine? Which is what most ex-husbands are reduced to.

Awesome! Then the husband should kick the stepmom’s ADULT kid out of the house. Somehow, I bet stepmom has tons of reasons why her kid mooching is just fine.

Yeah, maybe they all have a close relationship with her. Maybe she hasn't been using them for money for years. There probably are lots of reasons, I agree. You divorced people seem to think that men should just blindly give money no matter what. I wouldn't help my own child if we barely had any real relationship and they only contacted me for money, which is what most divorced kids do, as instructed by their biological moms.

You forgot to sign... "Bitter Second Wife." I get it. It stinks to always be jealous of the natural love your husband will always have for his biological children. Do you have children, PP, or are the only children in your life from your husbands first marriage?

No this sounds like narcissistic ex husband who goes on tirades and details threads with his vitriol any time bio divorced children are discussed. This person needs help.

Funny, no one is discussing the financial agreement. How much did mom pay? Maybe the primary income earner was stepmom who has her own kids and she shouldn't have to pay for her stepchild's expensive private school when that child has two parents and she is not one.

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

An old friend of mine was injured, on the job, requiring significant time off work, and asked about moving back home temporarily. Stepmom said that he could stay, in a motor home, in their driveway, for $100 a month. This was probably 20 years ago and even then a $100 was not that much. This was the home he grew up in. His mom had passed away from cancer. He ended up staying with his grandma. A few years later, one of her kids, lost a job, and was allowed to move into his childhood home for free.

Stepmom was not all bad. He returned to work, and one day, his employer called and said that he had not shown up for work. It was stepmom, who went to check on him, in his new apt., and found that he was so sick that he may not have been able to call for help on his own. She may have saved his life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe because she's tired of her husband being treated like a human ATM machine? Which is what most ex-husbands are reduced to.

Awesome! Then the husband should kick the stepmom’s ADULT kid out of the house. Somehow, I bet stepmom has tons of reasons why her kid mooching is just fine.

Yeah, maybe they all have a close relationship with her. Maybe she hasn't been using them for money for years. There probably are lots of reasons, I agree. You divorced people seem to think that men should just blindly give money no matter what. I wouldn't help my own child if we barely had any real relationship and they only contacted me for money, which is what most divorced kids do, as instructed by their biological moms.

You forgot to sign... "Bitter Second Wife." I get it. It stinks to always be jealous of the natural love your husband will always have for his biological children. Do you have children, PP, or are the only children in your life from your husbands first marriage?

No this sounds like narcissistic ex husband who goes on tirades and details threads with his vitriol any time bio divorced children are discussed. This person needs help.