Anonymous wrote:Wtf? No. Big no. I'd originally assumed you meant with a group on an extended family vacation which.... but whatever. But this? No.

+1

So...a coworker did this type of thing. Then began ‘traveling fir business” back to the strip club - in another city. His wife had no clue. They had a young child. Another coworker got a disposable email and told her everything. So, yeah, my guess is he’s an ass.

Op, go find yourself a side piece and keep living off of this ass you’re married to.

That’s a 10 for me too.

There's something very wrong here and I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Not acceptable in my book.

I wouldn't rate it as I'd be done with him. It sounds unbelievably gross and I wouldn't want to be w/a man like that. I'm not talking about being into porn (though I personally am not): the being on a family vacation, doing by himself and obviously re OPs upset-its not a shared passion

Anonymous wrote:That seems a bit sex negative to call a strip club low brow. Strip clubs can be good places for men to blow off steam while staying out of trouble. Should he have asked you first or something?

Sex negative? GTFOH.

Wtf? No. Big no. I'd originally assumed you meant with a group on an extended family vacation which.... but whatever. But this? No.

He's a jerk, at a minimum.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Totally alone. When on a beach vacation with his wife and 4 year old daughter.

Yeah, I'd have his balls mounted.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Totally alone. When on a beach vacation with his wife and 4 year old daughter.

9
Wtf?

NP. Alone is an issue. But OP, do you know if he has visited strip clubs at other times? With friends? Solo? Is this a one-time "It was right there, I was curious, never done it before" thing, or a case of "Yeah, I go to these places sometimes and it's harmless" thing"?

You and he need a long, serious talk. Find a time and place where your child is not there and not likely to climb out of bed to find you -- get a sitter and go somewhere that isn't your own home but is neutral, and talk. He needs to know how this made you feel; you need to know why he felt it was OK. I would also ask him to be honest with you about whether he goes to strip clubs at other times and this is just the one time you found out. You will need to be able to ask him calmly and coolly because he isn't likely to tell the truth unless he feels he's not going to get judgment or tears or threats. (Though yes, I'd be full of all three in my head, in your position--but I'd need real answers first, so playing it calmly is vital.)

You may also want to think hard and even do some scripting for yourself about why you were so offended and hurt, so you are not improvising in an emotional moment as you talk to him.

It's not necessarily the end of the world -- unless he either had sex (not especially likely unless it was a truly skeevy place, but a possibility, I guess) OR he has been doing this in secret for a while and is hiding who knows what else. But I would wonder too if he has other outlets like porn. I'm not saying clubs = porn use automatically, OP, but I'd wonder and would need to ask. The "porn is fine and healthy" posters likely will come out of the woodwork here soon but only you know if you're OK with his watching porn if that is the case.

Ignore the posters earlier who want to make this about you. There are frequent posters on DCUM who turn every thread about a DW's issue with a DH into either "you don't give him enough sex" or "you let yourself go/got fat." They are scum. Don't let them mess with your head. You need a clear head to have an important talk with DH.

Oh hell no. I'd be insanely hurt. That's not okay. I'm sorry, OP.

Yuck, yuck, yuck! The bachelor party thing is bad enough 3-4 but on your own while on vacation with wife and child? Is there something higher than 10? I'd demand he be disinfected before I tell him I'm divorcing him.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Totally alone. When on a beach vacation with his wife and 4 year old daughter.

10. That's unbelievably gross.

Anonymous wrote:I would be absolutely crushed.

Same here.