Anonymous wrote:They aren’t that big of a deal. Every thread just has a bunch of replies because everyone has hosted one and has an opinion, whereas only some people have been to the children’s museum or taught their child to read.

Agree. Not a big deal and no one really cares if you have enough pizza for adults, do favors or don't or have it at a jump place or your house. Any parent that spends more than 1 second thinking about the quality of the birthday party for a bunch of 4 yr old you threw has a screw loose.

I think it's an affluence thing. We attend a preschool that has a lot more affluent families that go to this school and they just tend to throw a lot more elaborate and expensive birthday parties. In the past we've always done a backyard birthday party.

Venue parties are a god send to me! So much easier than at home. They can be costly, but not all are. At home parties require entertainment too. Since I don’t want to be running around doing game after game for so many kids I would end up hiring someone anyway. Venues are better IMO. We’ve done it all from park to fire house to bouncy places to laser tag.

We are in DC, close in to downtown. Everyone lives in a row house about 1300-1800 sq. feet, the 1800 being generous.

The parties are always hosted at some venue due to limitations on living quarters and also non-existent or very small backyard.

We were low key and just did family cookouts in our backyard until DS was 4. Before DS turned 5 this year, he kept saying he wanted a birthday party at the fire house. It was a lot to research options, plan decorations, foods, etc.... DS had a great time so it was worth it. But things add up quickly when you factor everything in.

DS now says he wants his 6th birthday party at a train station......thank goodness it’s a ways away yet to plan and he is our only.

But venue parties where we live is the norm.

We did park birthday parties with piñatas for pre-school years - elementary school is where the venue parties (mini golf, laser tag, bounce warehouse, bowling alley etc) started. It’s not cheap but home parties aren’t super cheap either and I don’t have to clean up or have 20 kids and my DS looking at me for a sleepover afterwards

I have absolutely received invites stating “no siblings” and even “parents can’t stay, drop off only” due to space limitations. I’ve also received invites with “no gifts please” and usually those have a charity donation link included instead of a gift.

Anonymous wrote:Society will suck you in. Even if you'd rather do at home family celebrations, your kid will get jealous they don't get to ever have a party at a venue.

Skip the expensive venue parties till elementary school. They will not remember their preschool parties so go simple then and bigger ones later, which is what we did.

Society will suck you in. Even if you'd rather do at home family celebrations, your kid will get jealous they don't get to ever have a party at a venue.

Think it's two things...

1) I do think it's mostly DCUM. Part of that is the anon nature of the board, having a large pool of people to draw from (thus even if it's a small %, a large absolute number of fretting or judging people), the fact that etiquette-type are "fun"/divisive questions that get a lot of responses, etc. Part is that it clearly attracts UMC and wealthy mostly white people, who tend to get more uptight about this kind of thing. I'd say ironically, since those people have a lot of money, but it's not ironic at all.

I am a kind of judgy person in some respects-- at least I *notice* all kinds of odd details-- but if I think about all the kid parties my ES kid has been invited to (maybe 30 since she was a toddler?), I just can't remember one I felt judgy (or inadequate) about. Really wracking my brain here. And we've been to ones at almost all SES levels, venues or lack thereof, food, favors, invitee list, etc. all varying widely. I can think of one time I felt very mildly judgy about a party where kids were invited, but it wasn't a kid birthday party, and it was just the mildest judgment about what they offered the kids.

2) I think a lot (most?) of the posts here are from OPs who are fretting about being judged, not people who are actually judging some other host. That then attracts people who want to vent about the one time some other host was weird, or who want to take the opportunity to point out their superior hosting skills. So even the judgiest people are usually only talking about the 1-in-30 bad experience they had or judged negatively. Most aren't walking around IRL thinking everyone is a bad host but them. Does that make sense? When we're talking about people who actually take the time and energy to post a new thread, it's more folks worrying they'll do something wrong than people actually complaining about how offended they are. Those people come out of the woodwork when given an opportunity to vent! But it's generally not serious or widespread enough for them to start a whole thread about how terrible some other host was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine, OP. It really depends on the community you live in. I get the feeling a lot of DCUM people are from wealthier communities. We're in a pretty diverse school (both racially and socioeconomically) and b-day parties are note a big deal at all, and never have been.

It's this, plus all the lawyers (and wanna-be lawyers). The DC area attracts alot of people who are into making sure that everyone "follows the rules". They like authority and imposing their will on others. It's interesting to observe once you're aware of it.

Yes! Why is this town full of hallway monitors? DC is full of people who do not know how to mind their own business.

Birthday parties are just another kind of hosting and so you want to think through what your guests will need to be comfortable and then hopefully entertained.

Birthday parties are a pain in the ass. I try not to do them. But I end up doing one every year because the kids want them. I try to go simple, but it's not in my nature.

PP is spot on. IRL no one cares, except the kid who wasn't invited and they will move on too. So many bday parties every year, that everyone just moves along to the next one.

They aren’t that big of a deal. Every thread just has a bunch of replies because everyone has hosted one and has an opinion, whereas only some people have been to the children’s museum or taught their child to read.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only kid is 1. We did a small family thing for her first, so I haven't had any experience in kids birthday parties yet.

There are so many threads here - do we need extra pizza, what's the "best" birthday spot, are these favors good enough, omg so and so is bringing a sibling, etc. etc. Not judging - as I said, I don't have any experience in this to judge - but are birthday parties really such a big deal or is this a DCUM thing? I genuinely don't think I'd care what someone serves at a birthday party or if the favors are good enough/nonexistent. I guess I thought a kid's birthday party would be a pretty casual thing (clearly that's wrong).

They’re stressful because unless you have a lot of kids you’re in new territory every year. (“How do I entertain a bunch of 4 yos/6yos/11 yos?). Plus they are surprisingly expensive. A “simple” backyard party I threw cost about $500 when I added up the food, favors, cake, etc. I just threw a venue party and it was more. People want advice for any big purchase.

They are expensive!

I threw a party for my daughter when she turned four, and just had a few kids over. I served PB & J for kids, chicken salad for parents, fruit, chips and made a box cake mix. Decorations were mostly homemade or from the dollar store. Favors were crayons and coloring books from the dollar store. It still ended up being $70 for everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only kid is 1. We did a small family thing for her first, so I haven't had any experience in kids birthday parties yet.

There are so many threads here - do we need extra pizza, what's the "best" birthday spot, are these favors good enough, omg so and so is bringing a sibling, etc. etc. Not judging - as I said, I don't have any experience in this to judge - but are birthday parties really such a big deal or is this a DCUM thing? I genuinely don't think I'd care what someone serves at a birthday party or if the favors are good enough/nonexistent. I guess I thought a kid's birthday party would be a pretty casual thing (clearly that's wrong).

They’re stressful because unless you have a lot of kids you’re in new territory every year. (“How do I entertain a bunch of 4 yos/6yos/11 yos?). Plus they are surprisingly expensive. A “simple” backyard party I threw cost about $500 when I added up the food, favors, cake, etc. I just threw a venue party and it was more. People want advice for any big purchase.

Skip the favors, Costco cake is $20.