Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow-I am pretty shocked at how many here do little if anything! When my kids have been invited to a vacation we absolutely give them money to bring the host family out to dinner. If it is to their vacation home my kid would arrive with a gift (either a food gift or something fun for the week or candle/frame), the offer for bringing family out for a meal (or cook a meal at the house.) In addition to verbally thanking them and being a great guest, a hand written card would also be sent. And I have to say that this is pretty much what kids did for us when we hosted them - and most often we get letters from the kids and the parent. While we would decline letting them treat us for a full meal, we'd let them get ice cream or cook pancaked (though we'd buy ingredients.)

If we had guests who took our generosity so much for granted that they didn't thank us with a letter or email and just did a verbal thanks - they would probably not be invited back with any pleasure on our part.

You guys are giving candles as hostess gifts?

That’s worse than bringing nothing. Nobody wants more clutter in their beach house. There’s a great SNL skit about the candle that gets regifted. Just stop.

OMG people like you are insufferable and lack any grace. That's why people get insecure about sending their kids off with families for vacation. I don't care if I receive a candle. I really do believe that it's the thought that counts. And, some candles are really nice!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

You choose to spend thousands and invite the kids. Expecting families to do equal may not be in their budget, I know its not in ours but we wouldn't accept and let ours go so its a non-issue.

Who said I expected families to do equal? A handwritten thank you note is free. Flowers are $10. A plant is $8.

You’re the one who chose to invite the friend - now you’re putting their family in a potentially awkward situation because they may not want to spend money on a thank you gift for you. This is one reason we wouldn’t allow our children to go on someone else’s vacation. We wouldn’t want to send our child with a bunch of spending money or have to worry about reciprocating with an appropriate thank you gift in your eyes. No thanks.

Something is wrong with you. Worry about reciprocating? You’ve got some nerve. Someone took your kid on a vacation allowing him to experience something he otherwise wouldn’t have and you think you’ll feel awkward because you don’t want to get a token thank you gift? Please decline these invites. Please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

Sounds like you're one of those people who equate gratitude with the efforts someone makes to thank you. Not every one is like you. I teach my kids to avoid bean-counters like you.

Thousands of bean apparently! Your kids might disagree with your strategy. (I would personally get that pp a gift/dinner card!)

Anonymous wrote:Wow-I am pretty shocked at how many here do little if anything! When my kids have been invited to a vacation we absolutely give them money to bring the host family out to dinner. If it is to their vacation home my kid would arrive with a gift (either a food gift or something fun for the week or candle/frame), the offer for bringing family out for a meal (or cook a meal at the house.) In addition to verbally thanking them and being a great guest, a hand written card would also be sent. And I have to say that this is pretty much what kids did for us when we hosted them - and most often we get letters from the kids and the parent. While we would decline letting them treat us for a full meal, we'd let them get ice cream or cook pancaked (though we'd buy ingredients.)

If we had guests who took our generosity so much for granted that they didn't thank us with a letter or email and just did a verbal thanks - they would probably not be invited back with any pleasure on our part.

You guys are giving candles as hostess gifts?

That’s worse than bringing nothing. Nobody wants more clutter in their beach house. There’s a great SNL skit about the candle that gets regifted. Just stop.

DH grew up working class and he never learned these things. I've had to teach him, and still remind him that you never show up to something like this empty-handed. Whether someone is inviting you to dinner party or on vacation, you should bring something. It doesn't need to be expensive at all!!! It can be a $10 bottle of wine or a box of chocolates or plate of homemade cookies, but it's something to show your appreciation. How people perform these little rituals are a marker of socio-economic class. It is commonly accepted in upper-middle class, well-educated circles that you bring a token gift when invited to someone's home for anything more than a cup of coffee or a playdate.

When we invite our children's friends out, we do not expect them to pay for any meal or excursion. They can use pocket money to buy themselves little souvenirs or trinkets, but participating in a meal or event is not something that I expect for them to pay for themselves as a guest.

BTW, I think that the people who consider this "bean counting" are just embarrassed by their lack of proper upbringing. Change it now. Don't dig in your heels. Teach your children differently.

Anonymous wrote:We sent our child with personal spending money and extra and told her that she should treat the family to something during the week. We told the parents we were doing that and that she’s like to treat them to dinner/ice cream an outing or whatever they had planned. We also gave the parents several bottles of alcohol and said they would need it since they were going to be with tweens all week. They were friends of ours and they said it wasn’t necessary but laughed. And graciously accepted the liquor and wine.

Wine is always a good call!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

You choose to spend thousands and invite the kids. Expecting families to do equal may not be in their budget, I know its not in ours but we wouldn't accept and let ours go so its a non-issue.

Who said I expected families to do equal? A handwritten thank you note is free. Flowers are $10. A plant is $8.

You’re the one who chose to invite the friend - now you’re putting their family in a potentially awkward situation because they may not want to spend money on a thank you gift for you. This is one reason we wouldn’t allow our children to go on someone else’s vacation. We wouldn’t want to send our child with a bunch of spending money or have to worry about reciprocating with an appropriate thank you gift in your eyes. No thanks.

Absolutely ridiculous. That's like saying "you're the one who chose to invite a kid to a birthday party - now you're putting their family in the awkward situation of bringing a gift." Some things are just manners. You bring wine to a dinner party. Send thank you notes for gifts. It costs pennies to write a thank you note.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh this was totally me as a kid. My mom was raise lower class and my dad’s dad died when he was a kid so his mom was never around. They never thought me about this stuff. I remember figuring it out myself when I was in college, and I was mortified. Still am. I bought every etiquette book I could find at borders to try to teach myself.

Same here

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

You choose to spend thousands and invite the kids. Expecting families to do equal may not be in their budget, I know its not in ours but we wouldn't accept and let ours go so its a non-issue.

Who said I expected families to do equal? A handwritten thank you note is free. Flowers are $10. A plant is $8.

You’re the one who chose to invite the friend - now you’re putting their family in a potentially awkward situation because they may not want to spend money on a thank you gift for you. This is one reason we wouldn’t allow our children to go on someone else’s vacation. We wouldn’t want to send our child with a bunch of spending money or have to worry about reciprocating with an appropriate thank you gift in your eyes. No thanks.

The gift is lovely, but if this is a friend who may take you to an NFL game next week and it's a reciprocal relationship it would seem a bit over the top to me. I'm thinking of my DD's good friend who I took on a spring break trip to visit colleges. I didn't get a gift, but I loved having the extra kid along. Her parents then took a group of girls to the beach (we sent $ to cover meals and entertainment but not lodging). I did not send a gift then but certainly thanked them.

^we didn’t write a thank you note but verbally thanked them when they left and when they got back.

We sent our child with personal spending money and extra and told her that she should treat the family to something during the week. We told the parents we were doing that and that she’s like to treat them to dinner/ice cream an outing or whatever they had planned. We also gave the parents several bottles of alcohol and said they would need it since they were going to be with tweens all week. They were friends of ours and they said it wasn’t necessary but laughed. And graciously accepted the liquor and wine.

Ugh this was totally me as a kid. My mom was raise lower class and my dad’s dad died when he was a kid so his mom was never around. They never thought me about this stuff. I remember figuring it out myself when I was in college, and I was mortified. Still am. I bought every etiquette book I could find at borders to try to teach myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

Sounds like you're one of those people who equate gratitude with the efforts someone makes to thank you. Not every one is like you. I teach my kids to avoid bean-counters like you.

A handwritten thank you note was one suggested item - the first one in fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, no! I've never expected nor ever received a gift for taking a kid on an outing/trip with us. I expect a verbal 'thank you' from the kid but that's it - and have always gotten one.

+1 We've received verbal thanks and that seemed more than appropriate. I would be, I don't know what the right word/emotion is, upset? embarrassed?, if we received a hostess gift. These are kids. When our kids have gone with someone else's family then usually we have the kid make something, like cookies, that we send on a later date.

The last time we did it we spent thousands of dollars on the extra kids - literally. I would think something more than a verbal thanks is appreciate (written note, plant, flowers, gift card, meal, etc)

You choose to spend thousands and invite the kids. Expecting families to do equal may not be in their budget, I know its not in ours but we wouldn't accept and let ours go so its a non-issue.

Who said I expected families to do equal? A handwritten thank you note is free. Flowers are $10. A plant is $8.