Anonymous wrote:My friend threw us a baby shower. With the number of people we invited (we wanted it to be coed), we decided to have it offsite at our favorite local brewery (no, I wasn't drinking, and yes, I was fine with this). We had it in the afternoon and provided 1 drink ticket for each person plus some snacks. My friend brought a dessert. I think we had about 20 guests.

We didn't feel right about my friend paying for everything, so she covered the decorations and the dessert she brought and we paid the brewery bill, which was just under $500 for the drinks and snacks. They did not charge a fee for the space since we ordered enough food.

This! Most of my guests were coming in from out of town, including my mother and sister who offered to host. We had the shower at my house and I made/bought the food, while my sister and cousin did decorations and games. All of my guests already spent enough on travel and gifts it felt selfish to expect for them to pay for lunch too.

I can't imagine expecting someone to pay to feed and entertain 40 people! Let your friend know that you've looked at options in the area and the budget for that many people is bigger than you were anticipating. Offer the option of having it at your house, or ask if there's anyone else you can split hosting duties with.

NOVA is not that far from MD. i mean, don't do an everyday commute but it's doable for a one-off.

also, cut the guest list. then host at your home.

$1000 is a lot, and at the same time, too little. for that many people it actually costs more to look decent. you will spend a lot of money and it will still feel like you were cheap.

Anonymous wrote:cut down the guest list. No need for this to be a couples shower. Men don't care to attend a baby shower.

Agree. 86 the men! Women eat like birds. Easy.

I think it would be very reasonable for you to offer to host the shower but to decline a 40 person guest list. If you think only 20 can fit in your house, max is 20. You can have your furniture removed and replaced with a circle of rented chairs.

Anonymous wrote:Just host it at your house. If you’re hosting you can pick the venue! I live in Takoma Park and hosted a shower for a friend whose friends were all people who live in NOVA (incl further out in Herndon/ Vienna) and everybody came. It’s not a big deal.

This. You host you pick.

Just host it at your house. If you’re hosting you can pick the venue! I live in Takoma Park and hosted a shower for a friend whose friends were all people who live in NOVA (incl further out in Herndon/ Vienna) and everybody came. It’s not a big deal.

OP again thanks for all the feedback and suggestions. I think the bottom line is that although I technically have the income to spend $1000 for the event I really would prefer not to spend that much. I want her to have a lovely shower, but I didn't realize how expensive it is to rent space even when focusing on community centers, etc.

I will try to find out whether other friends or family might be willing to contribute some of the food/beverages which would help reduce my costs. And although I know from the bridal shower that her other friends don't have apartment/condo complex party rooms or large homes to offer up, perhaps her in laws may be a resource. It can't hurt to ask.

My friend threw us a baby shower. With the number of people we invited (we wanted it to be coed), we decided to have it offsite at our favorite local brewery (no, I wasn't drinking, and yes, I was fine with this). We had it in the afternoon and provided 1 drink ticket for each person plus some snacks. My friend brought a dessert. I think we had about 20 guests.

We didn't feel right about my friend paying for everything, so she covered the decorations and the dessert she brought and we paid the brewery bill, which was just under $500 for the drinks and snacks. They did not charge a fee for the space since we ordered enough food.

How about sending the men off to do something fun (bowling, Top Golf, sports bar)? Sounds like that would cut the guest list in half. With 20 people, you could just do a brunch at a restaurant and perhaps avoid the room rental fee.

40 people? That’s nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your friend and is this her first? Serious question. If she's 25 having her first child, fine - try and do it right. If she is 40 and established just forget it. She doesn't need the gifts - she can afford everything on her own.

+1. I'm with you on this and so over our American shower culture. I am sick of being asked to throw big showers for UMC 38 year olds. I'd like to see a shift where if this is your situation and you want a party for the baby, you throw it; you don't "need" anyone to buy you your Bugaboo. This is, however, a pretty unpopular opinion.

We are early 30s and covering the rental fee for our venue for this exact reason. Parents are bringing in outside food for us. We want a big shower (couples, lots of family in the area + friends) to celebrate our first kid, we've already bought the big ticket items ourselves - really no one needs to buy our Vista for us, and we just want to celebrate with everyone!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your friend and is this her first? Serious question. If she's 25 having her first child, fine - try and do it right. If she is 40 and established just forget it. She doesn't need the gifts - she can afford everything on her own.

+1. I'm with you on this and so over our American shower culture. I am sick of being asked to throw big showers for UMC 38 year olds. I'd like to see a shift where if this is your situation and you want a party for the baby, you throw it; you don't "need" anyone to buy you your Bugaboo. This is, however, a pretty unpopular opinion.

Never seen a more anti-shower group than this one. No matter the context of the Q, in-chime the no-shower people. Are you all grinches or introverts? Is it SO horrible to buy a friend a gift?! Parties are fun, showers these days dont have to be dreaded events with chocolate-poop diapers and cheesy games.

Anonymous wrote:Host it at her house or her parents’ house. It’s ridiculous to pay for a venue.

Do brunch.

My best friend is hosting my shower at my parents house for similar reasons. She has a small house with 2 kids and I think it would be alot of work for her to get it ready, a venue is impersonal and $$. We thought about whether my mom's house as venue (with friend as host) broke etiquette rules but were assured by DCUM crowd it was ok these days.

40 people is a lot OP. Is this how many she expects you to host? And why couples not just females? If this is the guest list she is insisting on, I’d be honest that it’s outside my budget.

My baby shower was held at a restaurant, but guest list was more reasonable (maybe 15~) and my mom who attended insisted on paying for all the food and drinks. My friends just covered the cost of a cake and some cute favors from Etsy. I was 30 when I had my first and my friends all have pretty decent salaries (low six figure), but even still ... I can’t imagine a friend paying that much for ME to have a baby and get gifts!

If you have to host this many then look at renting a park pavilion (should be under $100) and cater a light brunch without alcohol. Think pastries, fruit, to-go coffee, maybe a quiche.

Anonymous wrote:cut down the guest list. No need for this to be a couples shower. Men don't care to attend a baby shower.

This!!!