Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 20:37     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
38 then 41–kids are 2 1/2 years apart. I had no issues luckily, but all my friends did. I think it’s just luck.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 19:57     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
First at 35 and second at 37. I love their age difference and wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t worry about ideal age difference. It’s hard in the early years no matter the age gap. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 19:45     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
Anonymous wrote:You're going to be really tired with 2 under 2, but you're also going to be really, really tired with a newborn in your early 40s. So it's six and one half dozen.


Let’s stop with the hyperbole. The fatigue one feels parenting a newborn at 38 or 39 is not exponentially less than doing so in your early 40s. Fertility, however, may be a different matter. No way to know how OP’s fertility will change in the next few years, so I agree with PPs that she would be wise to start trying as soon as she can (though I personally wouldn’t start before first kid is 9 months old).
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 19:36     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
Anonymous wrote:If you were 35+ with your first child, when did you have a second child? What age gap worked for you? My husband and I have a 4-month-old. I’m 38 ( turning 39 in a couple of months) and he is 40. Our plan is to start trying for a second child when our first is a year old, but now I’m not sure if we should start trying sooner or wait longer. I know the ideal age gap is 3-4 years, but we can’t wait that long. I’m starting to worry that having a child 2 and under with a newborn will be very tough. I have a friend with a newborn and a 20 month old, and she said it’s very hard. What age do you think is he best time to start trying?


Why is the ideal gap 3-4 years? Your personal preference? I would argue that the idea gap is 2 years. I have three kids and have 2 years between#1 and #2 and 3+ years between #2 and #3. I prefer the 2 year age much more. Kids play together all the time and it just felt like more of the same. 3+ years feels/felt felt very different
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 19:35     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
You're going to be really tired with 2 under 2, but you're also going to be really, really tired with a newborn in your early 40s. So it's six and one half dozen.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 18:57     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
My first was born when I was 35. Because of fertility concerns we started trying again when our first was 10 months.

Our second was born when I was 40.

Get started sooner rather than later.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 18:54     Subject: Re:If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
We started when the first was 6 months old. It took a bit of time and they are 25 months apart.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 18:46     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
I had my first at 37 and my 2nd a little before my 40tg birthday. We started trying when #1 was 18 months and I got pregnant on the first try! So they are about 27 months apart. I’m still in the weeds because #2 is only 9 months but it hasn’t been as tough as I thought it would be. I will say that the sleep deprivation hit me much harder second time around. If you want another one, go for it! You will figure it out.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 16:52     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
I'll be 35 with my first, we have one more embryo frozen (queer couple who did IVF) and I plan to try for an FET in about 2 years.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 16:34     Subject: Re:If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
I had mine at 37, 39 and 41. No problems conceiving. It was brutal and I was exhausted for several years but now is easier.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 16:32     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
I had my three kids when I was 35, 36 (almost 37), and 39.5 years old. It was hard, but we always wanted three kids. We didn't have any problems conceiving.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 16:31     Subject: Re:If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
Anonymous wrote:35-#1
39-#2

No issues


Exactly the same here but 36 and 40 (at delivery).
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 16:30     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 36 and 39. I was lucky in that I was able to get pregnant very easily both times. It's been hard, but only in that DH and I both work full time, which would have been an issue 10 years ago, too. Personally, because I've been with my employer for 15 years and am in a senior position, I have more flexibility than I probably would have 10 years ago (less people to impress, my bosses know I'm dedicated).

I will say that I am DEFINITELY more tired than I would have been if I had my kids in my 20s, but I also am able to afford them now! Daycare costs so much and we can easily afford the cost of daycare + school aftercare + extracurriculars + summer camp. 10+ years ago, DH and I were making half of what we make now, I don't know how we would have done it!!


Me again - the three year age difference is GREAT. I didn't want two in diapers at the same time!
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 16:29     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
I had mine at 36 and 39. I was lucky in that I was able to get pregnant very easily both times. It's been hard, but only in that DH and I both work full time, which would have been an issue 10 years ago, too. Personally, because I've been with my employer for 15 years and am in a senior position, I have more flexibility than I probably would have 10 years ago (less people to impress, my bosses know I'm dedicated).

I will say that I am DEFINITELY more tired than I would have been if I had my kids in my 20s, but I also am able to afford them now! Daycare costs so much and we can easily afford the cost of daycare + school aftercare + extracurriculars + summer camp. 10+ years ago, DH and I were making half of what we make now, I don't know how we would have done it!!
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2020 15:52     Subject: If You Were An Older First Time Parent?
I had mine at 36, 38 and 40. No issues with the pregnancies. The first year with all 3 was pretty rough logistically, needed to outsource more housework and had had babysitters. But now that they are older, it’s getting eaasier.