Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a nice party at our house for our daughter’s birthday. Asked DH to take the kids out for lunch so I could get the house ready. He went out and picked up lunch for himself, only bringing our youngest after I made him. Proceeded to eat in the middle of everything as I was getting ready. Party is a success, kids and parents eating, drinking and having a good time. I ask DH to get the piñata and hold it - he proceeds to try to hang it from a tree and I tell him not to. He gives up and I end up asking 2 other parents to hold it instead. I keep the food going. I clean up the party. DH just talks and invites a friend over. I ask him to put the kids to bed afterward because I’m exhausted. It takes me asking multiple times and getting really angry before he does it.

What am I doing wrong? Can our marriage be saved?

Sounds like my wife, who is the laziest thing I've ever had any sort of relationship with.

Weekend:
- sleeps until 10-10:30
- languidly drinks coffee and flips through phone until 12-1
- leaves coffee mug in sink
- does some sort of exercise video (not lazy there!)
- makes herself lunch, leaving dishes in sink and counter grubby
- naps

It would *never* occur to her to tidy up the house, much less pick up after herself. And it would never occur to her that, as a parent, maybe she should do things with our kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once one person starts saying “I do all the work and she/he does nothing” that marriage is over. Most selfish statement one can make in a marriage.

NP but sure, the person sitting on their ass being unhelpful is selfless and just, let me guess, tired and/or misunderstood.

I know men who think working is all they need to do. Some magical fairy handles everything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with these posts. You knew who you married. Next time hire some people to help for the day.

You beat me to it! My goodness. These people knew who they were marrying! They ignored the nice guys who would be doing the helping because of complicated emotional reasons. I get it. It’s ok. But hold the complaints!

You two are clueless. A man (or woman) can be a helpful, supportive partner who does 50% of the work pre-kids, but then can’t deal with the relentless responsibilities and selflessness required by parenting. I married one of these men. He was absolutely unselfish and a super involved, hands-on father the first few years he was a parent, but by the time our kids were in mid-elementary school and he was in his forties, his midlife crisis started and he was just over being a family man. No one saw this coming. He’s like a totally different person now, to the point that if he hadn’t had an MRI, I would suspect something like a brain tumor. He’s barely around our kids any more.

It’s bullsh!t for you to place any blame on the person who did nothing wrong today.

Nope. Nope. Nope. People always show you who they are. It might be a small thing you don’t notice or brush off in the beginning but they show you who they are. You have to determine if it’s worth it to continue with them. Most of the time people look past it bc at the time it’s so minuscule. People who don’t look past are labeled as too picky, but clearly they are on to something.

That’s been your experience. That hasn’t been everyone’s experience. Someone who doesn’t have mental illness now could have it in 10-20 years.

The bolded.

The posters who say, “You knew who you were marrying” or “You brushed off the signs,” tell that to themselves so that so that they can believe it could never happen to them - and it probably won’t, because it’s not that common. But it does happen to other people who are blameless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with these posts. You knew who you married. Next time hire some people to help for the day.

You beat me to it! My goodness. These people knew who they were marrying! They ignored the nice guys who would be doing the helping because of complicated emotional reasons. I get it. It’s ok. But hold the complaints!

You two are clueless. A man (or woman) can be a helpful, supportive partner who does 50% of the work pre-kids, but then can’t deal with the relentless responsibilities and selflessness required by parenting. I married one of these men. He was absolutely unselfish and a super involved, hands-on father the first few years he was a parent, but by the time our kids were in mid-elementary school and he was in his forties, his midlife crisis started and he was just over being a family man. No one saw this coming. He’s like a totally different person now, to the point that if he hadn’t had an MRI, I would suspect something like a brain tumor. He’s barely around our kids any more.

It’s bullsh!t for you to place any blame on the person who did nothing wrong today.

Nope. Nope. Nope. People always show you who they are. It might be a small thing you don’t notice or brush off in the beginning but they show you who they are. You have to determine if it’s worth it to continue with them. Most of the time people look past it bc at the time it’s so minuscule. People who don’t look past are labeled as too picky, but clearly they are on to something.

That’s been your experience. That hasn’t been everyone’s experience. Someone who doesn’t have mental illness now could have it in 10-20 years.

The bolded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with these posts. You knew who you married. Next time hire some people to help for the day.

You beat me to it! My goodness. These people knew who they were marrying! They ignored the nice guys who would be doing the helping because of complicated emotional reasons. I get it. It’s ok. But hold the complaints!

You two are clueless. A man (or woman) can be a helpful, supportive partner who does 50% of the work pre-kids, but then can’t deal with the relentless responsibilities and selflessness required by parenting. I married one of these men. He was absolutely unselfish and a super involved, hands-on father the first few years he was a parent, but by the time our kids were in mid-elementary school and he was in his forties, his midlife crisis started and he was just over being a family man. No one saw this coming. He’s like a totally different person now, to the point that if he hadn’t had an MRI, I would suspect something like a brain tumor. He’s barely around our kids any more.

It’s bullsh!t for you to place any blame on the person who did nothing wrong today.

Nope. Nope. Nope. People always show you who they are. It might be a small thing you don’t notice or brush off in the beginning but they show you who they are. You have to determine if it’s worth it to continue with them. Most of the time people look past it bc at the time it’s so minuscule. People who don’t look past are labeled as too picky, but clearly they are on to something.

That’s been your experience. That hasn’t been everyone’s experience. Someone who doesn’t have mental illness now could have it in 10-20 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with these posts. You knew who you married. Next time hire some people to help for the day.

You beat me to it! My goodness. These people knew who they were marrying! They ignored the nice guys who would be doing the helping because of complicated emotional reasons. I get it. It’s ok. But hold the complaints!

You two are clueless. A man (or woman) can be a helpful, supportive partner who does 50% of the work pre-kids, but then can’t deal with the relentless responsibilities and selflessness required by parenting. I married one of these men. He was absolutely unselfish and a super involved, hands-on father the first few years he was a parent, but by the time our kids were in mid-elementary school and he was in his forties, his midlife crisis started and he was just over being a family man. No one saw this coming. He’s like a totally different person now, to the point that if he hadn’t had an MRI, I would suspect something like a brain tumor. He’s barely around our kids any more.

It’s bullsh!t for you to place any blame on the person who did nothing wrong today.

Nope. Nope. Nope. People always show you who they are. It might be a small thing you don’t notice or brush off in the beginning but they show you who they are. You have to determine if it’s worth it to continue with them. Most of the time people look past it bc at the time it’s so minuscule. People who don’t look past are labeled as too picky, but clearly they are on to something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with these posts. You knew who you married. Next time hire some people to help for the day.

You beat me to it! My goodness. These people knew who they were marrying! They ignored the nice guys who would be doing the helping because of complicated emotional reasons. I get it. It’s ok. But hold the complaints!

You two are clueless. A man (or woman) can be a helpful, supportive partner who does 50% of the work pre-kids, but then can’t deal with the relentless responsibilities and selflessness required by parenting. I married one of these men. He was absolutely unselfish and a super involved, hands-on father the first few years he was a parent, but by the time our kids were in mid-elementary school and he was in his forties, his midlife crisis started and he was just over being a family man. No one saw this coming. He’s like a totally different person now, to the point that if he hadn’t had an MRI, I would suspect something like a brain tumor. He’s barely around our kids any more.

It’s bullsh!t for you to place any blame on the person who did nothing wrong today.

Nope. Nope. Nope. People always show you who they are. It might be a small thing you don’t notice or brush off in the beginning but they show you who they are. You have to determine if it’s worth it to continue with them. Most of the time people look past it bc at the time it’s so minuscule. People who don’t look past are labeled as too picky, but clearly they are on to something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with these posts. You knew who you married. Next time hire some people to help for the day.

You beat me to it! My goodness. These people knew who they were marrying! They ignored the nice guys who would be doing the helping because of complicated emotional reasons. I get it. It’s ok. But hold the complaints!

You two are clueless. A man (or woman) can be a helpful, supportive partner who does 50% of the work pre-kids, but then can’t deal with the relentless responsibilities and selflessness required by parenting. I married one of these men. He was absolutely unselfish and a super involved, hands-on father the first few years he was a parent, but by the time our kids were in mid-elementary school and he was in his forties, his midlife crisis started and he was just over being a family man. No one saw this coming. He’s like a totally different person now, to the point that if he hadn’t had an MRI, I would suspect something like a brain tumor. He’s barely around our kids any more.

It’s bullsh!t for you to place any blame on the person who did nothing wrong today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a nice party at our house for our daughter’s birthday. Asked DH to take the kids out for lunch so I could get the house ready. He went out and picked up lunch for himself, only bringing our youngest after I made him. Proceeded to eat in the middle of everything as I was getting ready. Party is a success, kids and parents eating, drinking and having a good time. I ask DH to get the piñata and hold it - he proceeds to try to hang it from a tree and I tell him not to. He gives up and I end up asking 2 other parents to hold it instead. I keep the food going. I clean up the party. DH just talks and invites a friend over. I ask him to put the kids to bed afterward because I’m exhausted. It takes me asking multiple times and getting really angry before he does it.

What am I doing wrong? Can our marriage be saved?

Sounds like my wife, who is the laziest thing I've ever had any sort of relationship with.

Weekend:
- sleeps until 10-10:30
- languidly drinks coffee and flips through phone until 12-1
- leaves coffee mug in sink
- does some sort of exercise video (not lazy there!)
- makes herself lunch, leaving dishes in sink and counter grubby
- naps

It would *never* occur to her to tidy up the house, much less pick up after herself. And it would never occur to her that, as a parent, maybe she should do things with our kids.

What good is she? Good sex? Brings home good money at least??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once one person starts saying “I do all the work and she/he does nothing” that marriage is over. Most selfish statement one can make in a marriage.

NP but sure, the person sitting on their ass being unhelpful is selfless and just, let me guess, tired and/or misunderstood.

Anonymous wrote:Had a nice party at our house for our daughter’s birthday. Asked DH to take the kids out for lunch so I could get the house ready. He went out and picked up lunch for himself, only bringing our youngest after I made him. Proceeded to eat in the middle of everything as I was getting ready. Party is a success, kids and parents eating, drinking and having a good time. I ask DH to get the piñata and hold it - he proceeds to try to hang it from a tree and I tell him not to. He gives up and I end up asking 2 other parents to hold it instead. I keep the food going. I clean up the party. DH just talks and invites a friend over. I ask him to put the kids to bed afterward because I’m exhausted. It takes me asking multiple times and getting really angry before he does it.

What am I doing wrong? Can our marriage be saved?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a nice party at our house for our daughter’s birthday. Asked DH to take the kids out for lunch so I could get the house ready. He went out and picked up lunch for himself, only bringing our youngest after I made him. Proceeded to eat in the middle of everything as I was getting ready. Party is a success, kids and parents eating, drinking and having a good time. I ask DH to get the piñata and hold it - he proceeds to try to hang it from a tree and I tell him not to. He gives up and I end up asking 2 other parents to hold it instead. I keep the food going. I clean up the party. DH just talks and invites a friend over. I ask him to put the kids to bed afterward because I’m exhausted. It takes me asking multiple times and getting really angry before he does it.

What am I doing wrong? Can our marriage be saved?

Sounds like my wife, who is the laziest thing I've ever had any sort of relationship with.

Weekend:
- sleeps until 10-10:30
- languidly drinks coffee and flips through phone until 12-1
- leaves coffee mug in sink
- does some sort of exercise video (not lazy there!)
- makes herself lunch, leaving dishes in sink and counter grubby
- naps

It would *never* occur to her to tidy up the house, much less pick up after herself. And it would never occur to her that, as a parent, maybe she should do things with our kids.

Anonymous wrote:Had a nice party at our house for our daughter’s birthday. Asked DH to take the kids out for lunch so I could get the house ready. He went out and picked up lunch for himself, only bringing our youngest after I made him. Proceeded to eat in the middle of everything as I was getting ready. Party is a success, kids and parents eating, drinking and having a good time. I ask DH to get the piñata and hold it - he proceeds to try to hang it from a tree and I tell him not to. He gives up and I end up asking 2 other parents to hold it instead. I keep the food going. I clean up the party. DH just talks and invites a friend over. I ask him to put the kids to bed afterward because I’m exhausted. It takes me asking multiple times and getting really angry before he does it.

What am I doing wrong? Can our marriage be saved?