Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like yours and we did have to cut her off for a year when she was at her most abusive towards us. She also once snuck into our house and cleaned it. There are a few great books about dealing with mothers who are abusive or narcissistic and I’d suggest reading those since it gave me a great map for dealing with my MIL.

I’d suggest not focusing on the cleaning and more on the big-picture boundaries that you’d like to establish. The cleaning can be an unhelpful distraction—if she’s like my MIl, if you focus on the cleaning she’ll launch into her rant about how none of us appreciate her and how she’s sacrificed so much for her kids.

This is such a great point. I’m having a hard time convincing dcum that this isn’t about helping me. Never has she asked 7-months-pregnant with #4 me if she could run an errand or something. It’s about control, and making my environment hers.

And our point is that no one is bad 100% of the time, and you can use her foibles to your advantage.

But you are determined to read bad intentions in everything she does. Oh well.

And my point is that these aren’t foibles. They are psychoses. She was recently expelled from the church choir because she is too difficult to deal with. And yes, she can sing — I’ll grant her that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like yours and we did have to cut her off for a year when she was at her most abusive towards us. She also once snuck into our house and cleaned it. There are a few great books about dealing with mothers who are abusive or narcissistic and I’d suggest reading those since it gave me a great map for dealing with my MIL.

I’d suggest not focusing on the cleaning and more on the big-picture boundaries that you’d like to establish. The cleaning can be an unhelpful distraction—if she’s like my MIl, if you focus on the cleaning she’ll launch into her rant about how none of us appreciate her and how she’s sacrificed so much for her kids.

This is such a great point. I’m having a hard time convincing dcum that this isn’t about helping me. Never has she asked 7-months-pregnant with #4 me if she could run an errand or something. It’s about control, and making my environment hers.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like yours and we did have to cut her off for a year when she was at her most abusive towards us. She also once snuck into our house and cleaned it. There are a few great books about dealing with mothers who are abusive or narcissistic and I’d suggest reading those since it gave me a great map for dealing with my MIL.

I’d suggest not focusing on the cleaning and more on the big-picture boundaries that you’d like to establish. The cleaning can be an unhelpful distraction—if she’s like my MIl, if you focus on the cleaning she’ll launch into her rant about how none of us appreciate her and how she’s sacrificed so much for her kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You are not thinking straight.

My patents are control freaks that insist on dictating what time house guests go to bed, wake-up, eat, etc. They are certifiably NUTS.

And yet I would love it if they cleaned my house. My father has actually done that. It was so helpful!

If they find something “embarrassing”, they would be embarrassed, not me. I don’t care.

Again, just because your MIL is a control freak doesn't mean she can’t be useful for once!!!



So, please calm down.

But wait — these aren’t my parents! I’d be fine with my own mom cleaning my house. And if I was deathly ill you can bet I’d be on my mom’s couch, not my sister in law’s!

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You are not thinking straight.

My patents are control freaks that insist on dictating what time house guests go to bed, wake-up, eat, etc. They are certifiably NUTS.

And yet I would love it if they cleaned my house. My father has actually done that. It was so helpful!

If they find something “embarrassing”, they would be embarrassed, not me. I don’t care.

Again, just because your MIL is a control freak doesn't mean she can’t be useful for once!!!



So, please calm down.

But wait — these aren’t my parents! I’d be fine with my own mom cleaning my house. And if I was deathly ill you can bet I’d be on my mom’s couch, not my sister in law’s!

Anonymous wrote:OP - Seriously, you need therapy. You are heavily pregnant, obviously stressed by trying to do too much this week and you freak out because your MIL wants to come help clean up after the exhausting round of entertaining and surprise you with a treat?? Most people don't obsess so much over the placement of their couch pillows. Tell her thank you, wait until she leaves and then move the pillows. You are willing to let a stranger come in and clean, but are "on the verge of tears" when a family member does the same thing.

This is not normal.

Anonymous wrote:Was your SIL at home? Are you sure she didn't invite her in or give her the key to go in.

How would she sneak into your house - she broke in?

Anonymous wrote:OP - Seriously, you need therapy. You are heavily pregnant, obviously stressed by trying to do too much this week and you freak out because your MIL wants to come help clean up after the exhausting round of entertaining and surprise you with a treat?? Most people don't obsess so much over the placement of their couch pillows. Tell her thank you, wait until she leaves and then move the pillows. You are willing to let a stranger come in and clean, but are "on the verge of tears" when a family member does the same thing.

This is not normal.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Seriously, you need therapy. You are heavily pregnant, obviously stressed by trying to do too much this week and you freak out because your MIL wants to come help clean up after the exhausting round of entertaining and surprise you with a treat?? Most people don't obsess so much over the placement of their couch pillows. Tell her thank you, wait until she leaves and then move the pillows. You are willing to let a stranger come in and clean, but are "on the verge of tears" when a family member does the same thing.

This is not normal.