Stay at home. If absolutely can't, then go for nanny.

Give it a few months to see how your child adjusts. You don't need a nanny.

nanny all the way!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your daycare is not the right fit. My kid spends 1.5 hours outside daily at a minimum.

+1. I agree OP, you are not in the right daycare. Ours spends time outside daily in a big, fenced playground/yard area with a ton of things to do as long as the morning weather and air quality report deem it safe. And ours actually sleeps better at daycare since he is in a small group and they nap in separate nap room with blackout shades, central humidifier, etc.

There are some days where we drop him off later and he spends his time there in outdoor play (usually that's right before lunch), then lunch, then story and nap, and then we pick up right after he wakes up. I feel like he is really happy and the time he has there is well-spent.

Where is this magical unicorn childcare center?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I appreciate the responses, and happy to answer a couple questions.

(1) Why we still rent - we love the area where we live, our rent is under market for a lot of space, we are zoned for an excellent elementary school, our commutes are about 20 minutes each, and the houses in our neighborhood are typically over a million dollars. Down the road, we might have to leave the city, but with young kids, we're prioritizing our very short commutes and to be blunt, home ownership isn't something that appeals to us at this point in our lives.

(2) We have a little under 100k in savings that we don't want to touch, in hopes of using towards a down payment eventually. But that would have to be our emergency fund.

(2) DH's retirement - We could certainly reduce his too, although his company matches a higher percentage than mine. I hadn't really thought of this because right now, we pay all our expenses other than childcare from his salary, and we pay childcare from mine and the rest goes into savings. So in my head, I was keeping my salary as the childcare source. But there's no reason not to shift that around.

That's not a great idea. You are thinking of childcare as belonging to you. You shouldn't. That way of framing things will make it much easier for you guys to make a decision where you drop out of the workforce entirely, which will lose you money in the long run.

If you have 100K saved for a down payment, you can easily afford an apartment in the city. Are you saving aggressively? The childcare years are not saving years-- you may have to cut back on the savings. And you also don't need preschool AND a nanny for a 2yo.

I agree with pp's comments on the bolded. This is not a good way to think. My salary also didn't cover childcare when our spending peaked but I never thought of it from that perspective.

It's hard to answer your original question without having a better sense of your financial picture, especially your HHI, your rent, and debts you may have, like student loans. If the main financial impact of a nanny means you can't save much and need to cut back on retirement, I think it's probably ok for a few years given that you have $100K saved already. I agree that your older child doesn't need a preschool if you get a good nanny so at least you can save there. That said, I also agree with pps that your son has only been in daycare for a month and it can take time to adjust.

Anonymous wrote:As long as you contribute enough to get the match, it's not the end of the world. It's a temporary situation, and it would make your life a lot easier if you can find a good nanny for the next couple of years.

This is what we did. Having a full-time nanny versus having to get the kids out of the house, clean their stuff at night, pack their stuff in the morning, etc. was AMAZING. Worth the sacrifice for us.

What do you mean when you say your salary won’t cover the costs unless you reduce tsp? What about your husband’s salary? Is he contributing at least an equal amount towards child care? His 401k should take just as much of a hit as yours. You need to prioritize retirement savings - remember you also need to pay for college and as of of retirement funds don’t count towards financial aid awards.

Go with the nanny. Convenient for you, better for your kids (assuming your select a good one), and probably cheaper than daycare x2. And you and DH should *absolutely* flex your schedules so you can limit the nanny’s hours to 40. Not just for the monetary benefit, but so you can spend those hours with your kids! It doesn’t mean you have to cut back - just one goes in early and the other goes in late.

Preschool. Give it time, app kids have an adjustment period. I promise you he will come to love it and you can’t beat that social immersion that he won’t get with a nanny at home. Our preschool had a robotics class, soccer class, Spanish and mandarin instruction, field trips, events. No way a nanny could come close. Do NOT screw your family financially long term for preschool stuff, I am telling you as someone on the other side of that short era it is not worth it. You will hate yourself come elementary when you’re financially worse off for what will seem so minor in hindsight. He’s cared for at preschool, will adjust and will thrive. Do not do this to yourself financially.

Anonymous wrote:I would do the nanny, no question. You don’t want to look back with regrets. Their overall well being at this age can impact so much about how they develop. It is a temporary expense. Given that your earnings will rise by you staying in your job it should even out.

+1 not to mention the fact that getting you out the door, dressed and ready for work is soooo much easier with a nanny vs you plus 2 kids with drop offs. My vote is for nanny. When your older child is in preschool during the mornings you always look for anther family with a baby to do a PT share with your baby.

I would do the nanny, no question. You don’t want to look back with regrets. Their overall well being at this age can impact so much about how they develop. It is a temporary expense. Given that your earnings will rise by you staying in your job it should even out.

It kind of sounds like you guys are in good shape financially but maybe have very high standards for yourself in terms of retirement savings and the type of home you want and neighborhood you want to live in. $100k in savings is a lot, and if home ownership isn't that important to you, I think you can let that savings rate decrease temporarily while you get a better childcare situation. I actually don't understand why you need $100k in an emergency fund, either. Also, what are your retirement goals and how do you contributions match those goals right now? Are they barely enough to retire at 65, or are you trying to retire early/with a ton of money? Also, could you compromise at all on where you are living?

Hi op - I completely understand your feelings and I do think it’s reasonable to make the choice you’re considering if you really feel it will be best for your family. And I say that as someone with a child in group care (home daycare). But we moved him from a center that really just wasn’t a good fit for us and I don’t regret it for a second. I do agree with others that maybe before you make that leap, visit some other full day programs in your area and make sure it isn’t just the center you’re at. We sound similar and I visited a lot of full day preschool/daycares in the last few months for next year for my son and there is seriously a variety in quality. I found that personally the small, co-op like, independently run nonprofit schools had what I was looking for (focus on as much outdoor time as possible, emergent curriculum, warm homey feel). They feel more like the half day preschool programs but my son can nap there and be there about an hour after til I pick him up. It sounds like you might not be at the right center and generally the transition to group care can be hard. It does usually get better but it may also just not be a fit for your family and that’s ok. The cost of daycare for two might make your plan a worthwhile consideration.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I appreciate the responses, and happy to answer a couple questions.

(1) Why we still rent - we love the area where we live, our rent is under market for a lot of space, we are zoned for an excellent elementary school, our commutes are about 20 minutes each, and the houses in our neighborhood are typically over a million dollars. Down the road, we might have to leave the city, but with young kids, we're prioritizing our very short commutes and to be blunt, home ownership isn't something that appeals to us at this point in our lives.

(2) We have a little under 100k in savings that we don't want to touch, in hopes of using towards a down payment eventually. But that would have to be our emergency fund.

(2) DH's retirement - We could certainly reduce his too, although his company matches a higher percentage than mine. I hadn't really thought of this because right now, we pay all our expenses other than childcare from his salary, and we pay childcare from mine and the rest goes into savings. So in my head, I was keeping my salary as the childcare source. But there's no reason not to shift that around.

That's not a great idea. You are thinking of childcare as belonging to you. You shouldn't. That way of framing things will make it much easier for you guys to make a decision where you drop out of the workforce entirely, which will lose you money in the long run.

If you have 100K saved for a down payment, you can easily afford an apartment in the city. Are you saving aggressively? The childcare years are not saving years-- you may have to cut back on the savings. And you also don't need preschool AND a nanny for a 2yo.

I would cut back on retirement to afford child care I felt good about in a heartbeat and view it as cheaper than SAH.

Everyone needs to decide for themselves what feels right for their kids - and part of that is how much you can afford (since if there is simply no possible way to afford something then there is no reason to feel guilty about not doing it).

For us we found nanny share plus non-FT preschool to be the best option. We nanny shared with a family with one child and covered 60% of the cost (plus hosted). It was definitely the right call as I was absolutely not comfortable with any of the home day fares near me we visited and my kids always hated the before/after care at preschool.