A never-married, childless mid-40's woman was probably holding out for the perfect man with no flaws. You can see how that worked out. Now they're so set in their ways, it's unlikely you'll win the competition for their affection.

My friend works in the pet business. By far his best customers are childless women in their 40s and 50s. They are far along in their careers that they're making good money, and have no one to spend it on. They spend huge amounts on various products for their dogs and cats. My friend is laughing all the way to the bank, and you'd be too if you saw the markup he charges!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a woman. I love my friends who are mid 40s and never married, but I CERTAINLY would not date any of them. Yes, they are weird. No, they do not understand much beyond themselves.

Yes. I agree. I have some friends/colleagues/acquaintances who have never married and are somewhere in their 40s to 50s ... and weird. Just weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. I am 43 and think I’m pretty normal. But I have a lot of scissors in online dating so maybe that’s why. Maybe my competition is not tough. I get lots of attention. I’m dating someone seriously now though so haven’t been on in a while.

Success not scissors
Autocorrect

I preferred it as scissors.

I’ve been on dcum daily for 6 years. This was my very first laugh out loud

Wow. Are you reading all the really good threads? Because this group can be very amusing! Or maybe my bar is set low? I like it that way. Keeps me laughing!

I know plenty of people - male and female - in their 40's who are never married. Most of them are pretty normal. The craziest people in my social group are actually married or divorced, so I'm not sure you can extrapolate someone's fitness for marriage by whether they've been married before.

The bright side of a 45-year-old who hasn't been married is that they likely do have less baggage. Like it or not, if you are a divorced person, you probably have some negative feelings toward your ex and maybe their gender in general. You probably have some stuff to work out over why your marriage didn't work. You may have kids you're sharing with your ex, and it may or may not be amicable. I've dated my share of divorced guys and most of them have some issues related to the marriage, and some custody issues to work out. It's never all that easy. It's so much easier to date the never-marrieds. (as long as you accept that some of them are single because they choose to be.)

Most of the child-free women I know over the age of 35 (and maybe 30) are happy to date guys with kids because they know that's the pool at that age. Most of them know they won't come first in your life. If coming first in your life is their thing, they'll find someone without kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. I am 43 and think I’m pretty normal. But I have a lot of scissors in online dating so maybe that’s why. Maybe my competition is not tough. I get lots of attention. I’m dating someone seriously now though so haven’t been on in a while.

Success not scissors
Autocorrect

I preferred it as scissors.

I’ve been on dcum daily for 6 years. This was my very first laugh out loud

I think a lot of is the fact you’re finding these women online. I joined a couple sites at various times and they definitely attract the lowest common denominator—that I clouded you OP. If you’re desperate enough to go online because you’re too afraid to be alone and you’re not able to attract people in person, then you’re one of the people you’re complaining about.

Another NP (woman) who agrees with the OP. I don think OP was only looking for an unmarried woman, just that he was observing that the caliber of unmarried women who pinged him was questionable.

I’ve got a few unmarried / uncoupled friends in their forties both men and women, and they are all unmarried for a reason. Mental disorders (severe depression, bipolar, etc), heavy baggage from their childhood (like parents who didn’t express affection to their kids, for example), narcissism (typically the males), impairing adhd, general Low self esteem (typically the women), and/or low in the looks department. And they had these challenges when they were in their 20s, so it’s not part of the theory that other posters have claimed that as people get older they get more set In their ways. I have other friends with these qualities who did somehow get married, so these qualities aren’t exclusive to single people. But the “decent” to “good” catches were all married by mid to late 30s.

I could not recommend any of these never been married friends in good faith to another friend as a set up. Just the way it is.

OP, I've got news for you. Despite what you think you've got plenty of baggage yourself.

A failed marriage. Kids who may (or may not) still develop problems about your divorce. It's still questionable whether they would be willing to accept another partner in your life. That can be a huge barrier.

The so-called amicable split with your ex might change in a heartbeat the minute you become serious with someone else. Your ex may be superficially nice to your girlfriend but when it becomes more serious/remarriage then watch the maternal claws come out. Especially if you have more children with second wife or second wife brings her children into your day-to-day life.

You are no prize. You are just as flawed (but in different ways) than the women you are complaining about.

OP, I'm a woman. I love my friends who are mid 40s and never married, but I CERTAINLY would not date any of them. Yes, they are weird. No, they do not understand much beyond themselves.

You’re a middle aged man who couldn’t make his family work despite the amicable no hate thing, and you have the balls to call someone else weird? Really??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, of course, being divorced with children, are quite the prize, right?

Yes, I am.

God grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man.

+100!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, of course, being divorced with children, are quite the prize, right?

This!

All of this. Check your own baggage OP. You are not in the same place you were when you were 20.

Life doesn't unfold the same for everyone. I know plenty of weirdos who are still married too. Marriage status is not the end all be all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, of course, being divorced with children, are quite the prize, right?

Yes, I am.

God grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man.

Anonymous wrote:Young Jedi. You must go much younger. Much younger. I’m 52 and perhaps similar stats as you. My current girlfriend is 38 and never married. Loves me to pieces. She’s quite normal. As far as women go. Lol. Seriously. There’s a reason men go for the younger ones. Or find a nice divorced one who is older. I’ve had that situation for a while.

"Loves me to pieces"? Yeah, maybe go even younger if you're using this phrase.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There probably aren’t too many normal 45 year old women who have never been married.

Yes. I've never met one. I've met a few nice women like this but they are all messed up, mostly from childhood. Plus total freedom and treating themselves as a priority from never having kids. Or just crazy.

The thing with 40's who are unmarried and don't have children is they are #1 in their lives and, understandably, expect to retain that spot. It isn't good or bad, just reality.