Anonymous wrote:Let’s be real: it is not normal for a mother of a teenager to want to take someone’s 7 and 2 year old out alone. Why are you so desperate to be friends with someone that is giving you legitimate creeps when it comes to your kids? Believe people when they show you who they are.

Op here. Thanks all.

In terms of how long I’ve known her, it’s been a few months. We met volunteering together and in many ways are very similar people and she’s fun and makes me laugh. She’s also very quick to offer help in other areas (do you need a ride? I’m out picking up x item can I get anything for you...). Now that I know her a bit better I also know she’s having rough time (drawn out custody battle) and I’m happy to be someone who listens. We had dinner last night - we’ve hung out twice with the kids and that was my second time having dinner 1:1 with her. I learned more about her relationship with her child and her ex that makes me assume she is lonely / misses having a child in her life all the time and also cemented for me that I’m not sending my children off with her - at least near term, possibly long term. It didn’t come up last night so I was glad for that. She likes enough of the same things I like that I’d like to see where the friendship goes even though her judgement about boundaries seems a bit off.

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I’d address it from the angle that she is assuming I want time away from my kids, which would be incorrect. Like, “Thanks for the offer, but I actually love doing those things with them. Want to meet us there?”

You aren’t doing anything wrong by saying no - you get to say what works for you. However she feels about it is up to her to manage.

Totally agree with the above. Other responses:

Thanks so much for the offer! This week/day/time doesn't work, but will definitely reach out another time it might!

You are too sweet! I will definitely take you up on the offer another time. We're spending time together as a family/the children have a birthday party to attend/we already have plans/we are trying to establish the kids with a new babysitter right now/we have family in town/I'm not comfortable with my kids going public places when I'm not present/will reach out another time to take you up on the offer.

"that won't work for us"

Blame it on the kids. Just say, they still feel most comfortable with us. Thanks for the offer though, that is so sweet. If you brush her offer off enough times she will stop.

I don't think the fact that she has a son has much to do with it. She might be up to something or she really thinks you need a break. How long have you known her?
I never offered this to my very good friend (we are from the same country and have no family here). She just knows that she can call me when she has has something to do or in emergency. The offer comes from her, not from me. I have watched both of her kids but she needed to be in class.
At most, I would have offered to watch one kid, so she can do something with the other one since they have a big age difference.

Let’s be real: it is not normal for a mother of a teenager to want to take someone’s 7 and 2 year old out alone. Why are you so desperate to be friends with someone that is giving you legitimate creeps when it comes to your kids? Believe people when they show you who they are.

Your spidey sense is telling you that something isn’t right about this. Listen to it.

Your kids will be absolutely fine if they don’t go to a museum with some grown woman that is not their relative and that they hardly know. You’re not denying them some amazing experience or developmental milestone.

Just offer to go all together.

You are totally on the mark in terms of your wariness, and shouldn't allow it. Sure, it may be innocent, but it's a new friend you hardly know.

I agree not to let them go.

Also, I know my 7 year old would not want to go off with people he didn’t know well.

If it were me, I’d address it from the angle that she is assuming I want time away from my kids, which would be incorrect. Like, “Thanks for the offer, but I actually love doing those things with them. Want to meet us there?”

You aren’t doing anything wrong by saying no - you get to say what works for you. However she feels about it is up to her to manage.