OP here. Thanks everyone this was all very helpful! I freed up our Saturday (tomorrow) and only have things on Sunday.
BTW I am 35 so I hope I am not pre-menopausal yet

How old are you OP? I found that when I started peri-menopause around 42, my hormones really affected the way I felt about my DH. It took me several months to notice the pattern but now that I do, I am able to take a step back and ride out the hormone wave. That's not to say that there aren't legitimate issues, but depending on your age, your hormones may be intensifying your feelings, so just be wary of that.

OP, I totally understand why you would feel this way.

Parenting three young children 6 and under can zap all of your energy & your husband should be taking some of that leverage off your shoulders.

It is your husband’s responsibility as a parent.
He needs to spend less time on his phone + more of his time interacting and engaging w/his children.
These years are fleeting (trust me!!) and he will regret all the time he will have lost.

Discuss this w/him.
Often.
Let him know that these are his kids too & that he needs to step up to the plate.

Otherwise - what good is he??!
Good luck.

OP glad you talked about it with your DH. Communication is key.

In addition, exercise is really good for stress.

You sound a little insane with the achievement oriented talk for young children. You may need to reframe. If not, I hope it all works out for you.

1. Scale back and simply do less stuff over, this means saying No to activities/parties/play dates.
2. Find some stuff that you can outsource, paying others to do so you don’t have to do it yourself.
3. Have your husband take on more of the stuff that remains.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We spoke this afternoon and both apologized. Me for getting angry for not important reasons and him for not contributing as much as it is needed. We realize that this phase is particularly difficult because kids are a different ages and have different needs, we are very busy in general, kids have been sick (I had to work from home and take care of my eldest for 2 days because I did not want her to pass it to the baby), etc.

like many of you suggested we need to have more down time and try to focus on our relationship a bit more...
Thanks

Glad to hear it, OP. My observation was that you were both existing in parallel and not communicating your individual experiences with the other. In times of high stress that can be the quickest way to build resentment (and anger). Be gentle with yourselves and one another, only focus on things that are truly important, find time for each other and enjoy marriage and parenthood.

OP here. We spoke this afternoon and both apologized. Me for getting angry for not important reasons and him for not contributing as much as it is needed. We realize that this phase is particularly difficult because kids are a different ages and have different needs, we are very busy in general, kids have been sick (I had to work from home and take care of my eldest for 2 days because I did not want her to pass it to the baby), etc.

like many of you suggested we need to have more down time and try to focus on our relationship a bit more...
Thanks

Anonymous wrote:I have a different perspective- my PPA lasted way longer than I thought it would and manifested as anger (often directed at DH).

Also, when every little thing in the world about my DH annoys me, it usually means its been too long since we’ve had sex. I get on that and he’s back too being the best in my mind.

OP here. Thanks! It has been 4-5 days (which is a long time for us), but usually he is the one that gets angry if we don’t have sex 3 times a week...
I think I am a bit of an anxious person, but I don’t think it has to do with pregnancy. It’s just that a FT job, 3 kids and everything else it’s just a lot.

I have a different perspective- my PPA lasted way longer than I thought it would and manifested as anger (often directed at DH).

Also, when every little thing in the world about my DH annoys me, it usually means its been too long since we’ve had sex. I get on that and he’s back too being the best in my mind.