Anonymous wrote:Youre in your mid to late 30’s! (You’re not kids)

You’ve been dating fir a year.

Decide if you want to get engaged or break up. You guys are wasting each other’s time. Don’t waste even more time by moving in together when you don’t even know if you want to stay together.

Op has said that kids are not in the cards for them and OP see's the relationship as a long term one, so why are they wasting their time. Why do they have to get married or break up, why can't they just continue seeing each other until they want to live together or maybe they will remain happy seeing each other but living apart.

OP don't rush, don't move in just for convenience. If you enjoy spending time together then enjoy it. You don't need to rush into commitment, have fun, enjoy your time together. You will know when you are ready to live together or separate but don't make the move just because of convenience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it your job to manage his commute. Do you not trust him to advocate for himself if he feels it’s too much to handle?

Your apartment is surely not the only one near his job! Let him figure it out.

+1. Honestly, I don’t see how you apply, interview, and start a job that drastically increases your commute without a plan.

He had a plan, it’s just that he is making her believe she came up with the idea.

Don’t find solutions for him, he’s old enough to use words. Did he say anything about it? Let him brung it up if he wants to cohabitate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it your job to manage his commute. Do you not trust him to advocate for himself if he feels it’s too much to handle?

Your apartment is surely not the only one near his job! Let him figure it out.

+1. Honestly, I don’t see how you apply, interview, and start a job that drastically increases your commute without a plan.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it your job to manage his commute. Do you not trust him to advocate for himself if he feels it’s too much to handle?

Your apartment is surely not the only one near his job! Let him figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get married or dump him. One year is long enough to know if he’s the one.

I guess I should mention that I’m divorced and in no hurry to remarry. Also kids are not in the cards for us.

I tend to agree that one year is long enough but that’s because I usually assume that a couple about my age wants to have kids and is working against a clock.

This answer changes my typical response (which is don't so it unless you're engaged). If you see this as a long-term relationship and aren't dying to be married or have kids, go for it.

This is a weird discussion, OP. opinions are all over the place.

I think you need to talk about it with your boyfriend. People here are projecting their own situations on you. You need to ignore that, and do what feels right for you! And not moving in is fine. But acknowleding the long commute and that your BF stays over regularly is healthy.

OP, You are under NO OBLIGATION to have your boyfriend move in w/you for any reason.

Make sure you know this relationship is strong + stable before you make the important decision to share your home.

Convenience should not be considered a determining factor at all.

Good luck.

And do you even want to remarry? All these people telling you to hold out or break up for marriage may not realize that you’ve BTDT.

Seriously OP, you can give him a key and not officially move in. You’re divorced and grown. You know this. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic moving decision/discussion, or even a thing. He’s there 50% of the time. He has managed to get this far in life making his choices without you - trust him to keep doing it. Who cares if he is at your place a lot? Still isn’t kick t together.

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Anonymous wrote:I never said I didn’t know if I wanted to stay together; I very much want him in my life and we have discussed a future together.

But when it comes to moving in together... I don’t want to make such a big change out of convenience but also don’t want to signal that I’m not sympathetic to his awful commute. I guess I’m seeing a problem, something that is clearly adding stress to my boyfriend’s life (the commute), and trying to come up with possible solutions.

What did he say in your discussions of a future together? How did he envision the future given no kids and you said you are no hurry to be remarried? If in discussions of the future he has mentioned marriage, I would wait until he proposes. If in discussions of the future he mentioned living together long-term and I wanted the same, I would wait until we discussed it in more detail. You shouldn’t have him move in for his convenience. It should be an agreed upon next step in the relationship with some discussions like when, hoe you will handle finances and bills, will you save to get a combined bigger place and of course of if there are now ties keeping a job in that location. Say you are fine with a long term relationship without marriage, if you are living together and you get the best job opportunity elsewhere, what happens?

I don't think you should ask him to move in. But if you don't mind him being around, then casually mention that he could stay another night during the week. But don't do his laundry, make him pick up after himself and have him get some groceries on a regular basis.

Another thought is: is he complaining about his commute or hunting to stay more days? If not, then just let it the on for awhile and see.

Let him figure it out, don't help him. These same thoughts should come from him. Even if he asked you to live together at your place, how would you know he's just trying that for the convenience?
This is why it's so important for him to propose first.