Anonymous
Post 01/29/2020 18:46     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:Hi! I am a pretty organized person but I am still finding it hard to keep up with the long list of things to do. My husband and I both work. We have two kids. Elementary age and toddler. The last few months have just gotten to me and my pile of things to do just keeps getting longer. I literally took today off just to sit down and get some stuff done (mostly bills - but also a hair cut since it has been since last MAY that I've gotten one.)

I see on social media friends going skiing or whatever every weekend. How do they do it and keep the house clean, exercise, manage kids activities/homework, repairs, bills, signing kids up for activities, plan vacations . . . I would LOVE to take the family skiiing or whatever each weekend. We try to do something once a month as a family - but it stinks to think we spend all weekend most of the time recovering from the week. We will go the play ground or something fun for a few hours, but it is not the same.

We do not have house cleaners, not in the budget. I think I am pretty organized, but maybe not? My husband helps out around the house, but he is not a good planner, would never think to plan for summer camp or vacations or anything more than a few hours in advance. He will not do the taxes or deal with financial advisor.

What are we doing wrong? I wish I had more time to hang out with friends or go on adventures.


We have house cleaners twice a month. Hardly exercise.

Partner does bills and repairs, I’m mainly on child-related admin and vacations. We’ve decided to go to the same place every summer while the children are young. Keeps it relatively simple and helps them make memories.

What we do prioritize: family dinners every night, time outside, holidays and traditions, cooking together, letting the kids do a lot of activities (if they want). It does feel like you can’t get ahead. But it’s just the nature of this phase.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2020 15:29     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:Op - I'm guessing you are getting more satisfaction from your list-checking-off than others. For many of us our to-do list doesn't get priority.


This is me, too. I could NEVER just leave the beds unmade and the house a mess and go skiing. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the trip at all, knowing what I'd come home to. There's nothing that makes me calmer than a clean, uncluttered house at the end of the day, and I seriously stress if I come home after being out for a while and the kids have made everything a mess.

I wish I were not like this--but I am, and I have to own it. We don't have a cleaner or other help (aside from daycare). We both work. My husband and I each do specific chores on specific days (hey, tonight is clean bathrooms!) and a system for the daily stuff like cooking/dishes/packing lunches etc. It's just life.

Anonymous
Post 01/29/2020 12:49     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:

OP here. Yes, this is me. I like to look at them and sometimes have to prioritize them. I saw lots of comments about de-cluttering. We are experts at it. We do not have much stuff and everything has a place, maybe this is just life. Our house is not that clean, I am obsessive about it at all - but things do have to get cleaned! Maybe this is life. I don’t think my standards are that high, it is just so hard to remember and get done all these little tasks! I feel like everyone must never sleep! We have gone for weekends away leaving the house a mess too. Sigh, try and relax.


If you have to choose among your monthly bills, how is it even an option for you to go skiing?
You can do auto bill pay and then just look at them to make sure things are on the right track. They usually send you an email, or you can just look in your bank app. Unless you are talking about medical bills, most of the bills should be routine and always the same, right? Or it's water/electricity etc., but what are you going to do.... call the electricity company and dispute your bill....?
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2020 12:46     Subject: Re:Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
I have 4 kids (from baby through upper ES) and DH and I both WOTH FT. We have a nanny which helps a lot and a house cleaner every other week. Bills are on autopay though we do check the statements as they come in, mostly in the evenings. I get some things done during lunchtime at work.

I feel overwhelmed occasionally, although I’m always busy. Weekends are filled with kid activities, so we don’t have time to go skiing for the weekend or anything like that. It doesn’t bother me because I think I have adjusted my expectations. To me, a great weekend is spending an afternoon outside going to the park or taking a long walk around the neighborhood. Or the kids playing together or having a movie afternoon on a cold/rainy day. I still grocery shop and do other errands on the other day, but we try to make it fun. Our weekends are generally not exciting or post-worthy, but I don’t post on social media anyway. This is just where we are at this point in our life, and I could either be okay with it or be constantly frustrated, so I chose the former.

In 2-3 years when the youngest is big enough, we’ll start doing more, but we’re never going to be the family with a ski condo that goes every weekend. It’s too much for us. We much prefer to spend a weekend day at a museum, or taking a hike, bike ride, etc.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2020 12:31     Subject: Re:Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:Well if you don’t have the budget for a house cleaner you probably don’t have the budget to go skiing every weekend either... you really don’t know what goes on in other people’s houses. Maybe their homes are a mess and they cut their own hair. Maybe they can function on 4 hours of sleep. Maybe they are more efficient than you. Maybe (probably) they throw money at the problem. It doesn’t really matter what other people are doing so try not to get caught up in skiing pictures.

If you are cool with your life as long as you don’t go on instagram or Facebook then you can stop reading here and just stop going on those sites. If you are overwhelmed and want to get organized, read on.

Here’s how to be organized:

1. Get your house in order. Clean up, clear out. Have a place for everything. Take a PTO day or schedule a weekend for this. It’s important to start with a clean slate.
2. Be ruthless about what comes into your home. Don’t buy shit you don’t need, don’t get a new toy without getting rid of another one.
3. Spend time every day keeping things in order. No piles of unopened mail, it takes five minutes to go through every day. Tidy up and clean something every night. DH should do this too and kids as is age appropriate. Everything should be packed and ready the night before.
4. Schedule everything. Automate bills, schedule a time to get camps squared away, review finances once a month, schedule your haircut, etc. drop your dry cleaning off every Tuesday morning.
5. Don’t try to go it alone. Include the kids and your husband. Kids are great laundry folders, dusters, dish dryers... husbands can and should participate equally.

Good luck. Sorry if that sounds harsh but that’s how I talk to myself when I start comparing and it snaps me right out of it.


This is all solid advice. Handling everything as it comes in (backpacks, mail, packages), not buying or keeping excess stuff, and having a place to put everything are key.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2020 12:27     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have people who clean the house twice a week, and a full time nanny despite our kids being in elementary school. We are willing to pay the nanny for full time for when school is out, kids are sick, and it's in our contract that the nanny will do house-stuff during the day (like ordering groceries and putting them away, managing repairmen who come by to fix the deck, etc.).


LOL- OP this is how some people do it- by being rich and outsourcing. Helpful response.


It is helpful to recognize that some people get it all done by paying people to do it all. Helpful to calibrate the expectations for how waking hours are spent.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2020 22:29     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Our house is a hot ass mess, that's how. We have a preschooler and a 9 month old. I've pretty much given up for the time being.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2020 22:08     Subject: Re:Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's a magic trick to it, it's just modern life with two working parents and kids. We just muddle along.

If you see a post from me about going away for the weekend, it doesn't mean that the house is clean, and our to-do list is done. It just means we ditched it all and went away because if we waited until everything was done, we'd never get out!

My house is perpetually cluttered and I'm also overdue for a haircut, dentist appt and getting new work clothes. But we're healthy, fed, clean, kids do activities, kids doing well in school, bills get paid and taxes get filed.

Maybe my house will be nice and organized when the kids leave for college.


Yeah this is us too. We do lots of fun things on the weekends (not skiing but lots of local trips, hiking and stuff). And my house is also perpetually cluttered and there's a mountain of clean-but-not-folded laundry in the basement.

We do have house cleaners once a month, and that does help.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2020 22:04     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Try a few life hacks here and there. It cumulatively adds up. Things like using the crock pot for easy dinners to forcing yourself to pick up 2 items before leaving the room to cleaning the bathroom during kids' bath time.
I've actually cleaned the baseboards while I was hiding during a family game of indoor hide n seek. You get the idea.

But I wouldn't get so hung up on cleaning and errands if it compromises precious (and fleeting) family time like skiing/snow tubing and other fun outings. It shouldn't be all or nothing.

And set up auto pay for those bills!
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2020 21:48     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
We go skiing twice a week. I also have stuff on my to-do list from 2016.

Not everything on my list has been incomplete for 4 years, but there are definitely both big and little tasks that don’t need to be done all the time that slip in priority. The weekly stuff (mopping, laundry, etc) gets done, but things like painting a dinged baseboard in a certain room or printing a photo album? Ask me in four years.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 21:02     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi! I am a pretty organized person but I am still finding it hard to keep up with the long list of things to do. My husband and I both work. We have two kids. Elementary age and toddler. The last few months have just gotten to me and my pile of things to do just keeps getting longer. I literally took today off just to sit down and get some stuff done (mostly bills - but also a hair cut since it has been since last MAY that I've gotten one.)

I see on social media friends going skiing or whatever every weekend. How do they do it and keep the house clean, exercise, manage kids activities/homework, repairs, bills, signing kids up for activities, plan vacations . . . I would LOVE to take the family skiiing or whatever each weekend. We try to do something once a month as a family - but it stinks to think we spend all weekend most of the time recovering from the week. We will go the play ground or something fun for a few hours, but it is not the same.

We do not have house cleaners, not in the budget. I think I am pretty organized, but maybe not? My husband helps out around the house, but he is not a good planner, would never think to plan for summer camp or vacations or anything more than a few hours in advance. He will not do the taxes or deal with financial advisor.

What are we doing wrong? I wish I had more time to hang out with friends or go on adventures.


Have you tried auto bill pay? But otherwise, going skiing every weekend sounds excessive. Maybe they have house cleaners or they don't sleep.


NP but I personally prefer to look at bills before I pay them. Some of us are on a budget and like to reconcile our bills before we pay.


OP here. Yes, this is me. I like to look at them and sometimes have to prioritize them. I saw lots of comments about de-cluttering. We are experts at it. We do not have much stuff and everything has a place, maybe this is just life. Our house is not that clean, I am obsessive about it at all - but things do have to get cleaned! Maybe this is life. I don’t think my standards are that high, it is just so hard to remember and get done all these little tasks! I feel like everyone must never sleep! We have gone for weekends away leaving the house a mess too. Sigh, try and relax.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 20:39     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
1. Get off social media. It is toxic to always only see the polished up versions of people’s lives.

2. Do those friends live near the mountains so it makes sense to have a season pass and just be “what we do” all winter long?

3. Most likely they prioritize cleaning and decluttering lower.

What do I do to keep sane:
1. Just clean less. Monthly house cleaner. Kids do sinks and their rooms and help with house pick up each week as their chores. But the floors are cleaned maybe twice a month and sheets prolly once a month.

2. meals are all ones that take roughly half hour or less to make. Kids lunches are about the same main meal all the time with just veg/fruit carried

3. Before and after care sitters allow us to avoid the drop off and pick up craziness and mean they can start the oven or put water on to boil when needed. (Nanny shared when kids were little and believe that is a HUGE simplifier for the crazy little kid years.)

4. Divide and conquer a LOT. Let’s us get more done with kids going in opposite directions plus a bit more relax time.

5. Ignore most weekends the Honey-Do list of constant small fix it and fix up projects that suck time.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 17:42     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:I live on a farm, so the work here is never done. between the kids, my job, my farmwork (chores take 2.5+ hours a day, caring for 11 horses), and trying to keep my young horses in work....the To Do List is just never done. You have to learn to deal with that.

My advice is to use your hands to get things done in the evenings, even if it is watching TV and otherwise resting. Last night after the kids were in bed, I spent a few hours cleaning bridles and watching documentaries. Most nights, I have a audiobook playing on my phone while I fold laundry, clean, or caulk and paint the molding in the basement like I did Saturday.

I am also very good at getting work done around the other chaos. Like if I wake up at 4 am restless, I finish a contract or file a trademark application. There's always something I could be doing. Don't sit around dreading it, just pick something and start! On DCUM now waiting for dinner to finish.


Oh, Farm poster here -- one thing that helps is to prioritize. If I have to pick between vacuuming the carpet and riding a horse, I always pick the horse -- vacuuming isn't going to increase the value of anything, but regular training will raise the horses' value significantly. feeding and medical care come first, then basic sanitation (cleaning the barn, everyone has clean clothes and beds), then development (horses and kids' homework!), then on and on until you get to cleaning bridles and wiping baseboards.

Sure, I may have dust bunnies in the corners sometimes, but such is life. Plenty of studies show kids are healthier if they grow up around dirt, so you can even pretend it is healthy for them!
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 17:42     Subject: Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We go skiing every weekend. You just have to prioritize.

On Saturday, we left all the beds unmade, laundry undone, got a pizza for dinner, etc.

Nothing productive got done but that is ok.


+1

You need to realize you can’t see into your friends’ houses all the time.

When you visit, they’re super clean and tidy. But that doesn’t mean they are always so ship shape.

Sometimes you have to let things slide so you can have fun.

another +1 although I want to add it doesn't matter whether we go skiing or stay home on weekend the amount of housework remains the same! I could be motivated and do laundry in 2 hours or spend the entire day doing it.. I can always find things to organize and clean. Important to prioritize what needs to be done and what you can let go
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 17:38     Subject: Re:Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.
No solutions here but just here to say I feel the same way. And I don’t even have kids! Every night I feel depleted and weekends are for catching up on sleep and resting.