Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 10:17     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
I would SAH (I'm a WOHM of one now). But that's because 1) I know my DH would appreciate and support me, 2) we have always always always treated all money as ours, and I know he wouldn't think it was "his" money if he was the only one working, and 3) I have an 'impressive' job, but not one that means very much to me personally. I could get back in to my industry pretty easily, just not on my current track, and I'd probably prefer that, to be honest.

If your job is important to you, and it sounds like it is, I would hesitate to give it up unless you know that you're going to be happier at home - not based on a 3rd kid, either, because those aren't promised.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 00:04     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Well, I can’t have kids, but I’d go for a third if I could. And I chose a low paying, extremely rewarding career I love.

I’m not you. None of us are, though many here are more similar to you than I am. My point is that it not you can decide this, and only you will have regrets. Choose in a way that will lessen the chance of regrets.
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 17:28     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:Dh and I both met at same demanding / high comp job. We agreed we would be equals and each scale back as need demanded. 2 kids in joke is on me and probably surprising to no one, I’ve scaled back a lot and he hasn’t. My career isn’t in total shambles but I’m currently definitely mommy tracked. He’s been very successful (Thanks to both natural talent and his workaholic attitude) and has a lot of financial success. He has all sorts of neuroses and mental health issues that will likely always make him a workaholic so that that as a fixed thing in this context.

I love being a mom. I also love working but resent the handicapped career I currently have.

I’m debating do I want a 3rd kid and just go all in on mom-ing. Pro is its just accepting a path, getting an upside of the personal sacrifices (why not take a tennis lesson on Tuesday! Why not never have to crank at a model at 10pm again!), and aligning the reality to dhs needs

Con is I’m giving up my professional life that is important to me and dad to day accepting all domestic responsibilities (I can outsource as needed but dh would never again feel any need to make accommodations for domestic needs)

The juggling with 2 kids and a job (given dhs job) feels like I’m losing on all fronts. A third kid feels like it justifies throwing in the towel. But it also feels like filling going all in on just being mom and giving up any really professional ambition.

Random context is I made good money on an early startup I worked for so while it’s not crazy money I wouldn’t feel stuck financially with dh ever. Apologies that this feels rambling, I’m particularly frustrated today so having wine and posting here vs picking a fight with dh


Oh, good lord. Get a damn problem,! Stop whining. Come back when you have a diagnosis of cancer
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 17:20     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:OP, your question is not really about a third child. A third child is not a requirement to be a SAHM. It's about what you and your dh want.


This 1000 x's over.... figure out what you want. The 3rd child is a red herring.
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 15:07     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
It's not clear to me what you want to do. In an ideal world, what would your life look like?

I have a high paying job but only work 35 hours a week by design (I could work and earn more), 2 kids, involved husband. This was the balance i wanted and worked to achieve (and of corse a huge amount of it is due to luck). What do you truly want? Once you clarify that, it will be easier to arrange it.
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 14:50     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

And what is the amount of your start up profit and did you have it before or after marriage? Is the money protected from DH?


Wow
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 14:31     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Do you actually want a third kid?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 13:56     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
How old are your kids?

And what is the amount of your start up profit and did you have it before or after marriage? Is the money protected from DH?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 12:52     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Honestly I’d quit and just do the mom thing. I have a job that is much more flexible than yours and I still question how long I’m going to stay in the workforce. I think deep down DH would love to be freed up to focus on his career more.

Unless it’s your passion, I don’t see why you can’t just be proud of what you accomplished during your career and then move on to the next phase of life. Why do we all assume a career has to last 40+ years to be meaningful?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 12:45     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
It sounds like you want to keep working so do that and hire more help. Don’t have a third just to give yourself an excuse to quit work. Also your DH sounds like a jerk.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 11:55     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dh and I both met at same demanding / high comp job. We agreed we would be equals and each scale back as need demanded. 2 kids in joke is on me and probably surprising to no one, I’ve scaled back a lot and he hasn’t. My career isn’t in total shambles but I’m currently definitely mommy tracked. He’s been very successful (Thanks to both natural talent and his workaholic attitude) and has a lot of financial success. He has all sorts of neuroses and mental health issues that will likely always make him a workaholic so that that as a fixed thing in this context.

I love being a mom. I also love working but resent the handicapped career I currently have.

I’m debating do I want a 3rd kid and just go all in on mom-ing. Pro is its just accepting a path, getting an upside of the personal sacrifices (why not take a tennis lesson on Tuesday! Why not never have to crank at a model at 10pm again!), and aligning the reality to dhs needs

Con is I’m giving up my professional life that is important to me and dad to day accepting all domestic responsibilities (I can outsource as needed but dh would never again feel any need to make accommodations for domestic needs)

The juggling with 2 kids and a job (given dhs job) feels like I’m losing on all fronts. A third kid feels like it justifies throwing in the towel. But it also feels like filling going all in on just being mom and giving up any really professional ambition.

Random context is I made good money on an early startup I worked for so while it’s not crazy money I wouldn’t feel stuck financially with dh ever. Apologies that this feels rambling, I’m particularly frustrated today so having wine and posting here vs picking a fight with dh


Husband has mental health issues and you're drunk. Talk about having another child but nothing about loving/nurturing children is listed on the "pros" column.
Do yourself, your children and the world a favor and don't have another.


If we eliminated all men with anxiety / depression and all women who have a glass of wine from the pool of people to procreate there would literally never be another child born in nw dc
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 11:48     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in grad school and I outearned DH when we got married. We were also equal partners. Actually he did more. Dh did not feel the guilt I did when I missed my baby’s bedtime. I went from 70hrs per week to a 40 week 9-5 job. Then we moved and I found a PT job working 20-30 hours per week. I still made a decent low six figure income but I felt I was half assing everything. I was no longer working on interesting projects. I was just working for the sake of working and keeping my foot in the door.

I’m now a SAHM of 3 kids and DH earns a seven figure income. We had 2 kids when I stopped working and we added a third child. Our kids are thriving and I do not regret my time home with them. DH still helps a lot when he is home. I was never good at housework. We still have a housekeeper who cleans and helps meal prep.

I sometimes worry what I will do when I’m in my 50s and kids are grown. Will I regret it then?


For most women I know., when you’re in you 50’s your priorities change. You def want balance, like maybe a part time job w lots of flexibility. The kids still need support— they can still be a tremendous pain in the ass, but we love them nonetheless. Perimenopause and menopause turn your brain to mush and everyone I know wakes up 3 times a night or at 4 am!


I was always thinking I would go back full time in my 50’s. Youngest will be out of the house when I’m 51. Is that crazy?


A 50-something woman with a big gap in her resume is not going to have an easy time. Age discrimination is real, y'all.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:58     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:Dh and I both met at same demanding / high comp job. We agreed we would be equals and each scale back as need demanded. 2 kids in joke is on me and probably surprising to no one, I’ve scaled back a lot and he hasn’t. My career isn’t in total shambles but I’m currently definitely mommy tracked. He’s been very successful (Thanks to both natural talent and his workaholic attitude) and has a lot of financial success. He has all sorts of neuroses and mental health issues that will likely always make him a workaholic so that that as a fixed thing in this context.

I love being a mom. I also love working but resent the handicapped career I currently have.

I’m debating do I want a 3rd kid and just go all in on mom-ing. Pro is its just accepting a path, getting an upside of the personal sacrifices (why not take a tennis lesson on Tuesday! Why not never have to crank at a model at 10pm again!), and aligning the reality to dhs needs

Con is I’m giving up my professional life that is important to me and dad to day accepting all domestic responsibilities (I can outsource as needed but dh would never again feel any need to make accommodations for domestic needs)

The juggling with 2 kids and a job (given dhs job) feels like I’m losing on all fronts. A third kid feels like it justifies throwing in the towel. But it also feels like filling going all in on just being mom and giving up any really professional ambition.

Random context is I made good money on an early startup I worked for so while it’s not crazy money I wouldn’t feel stuck financially with dh ever. Apologies that this feels rambling, I’m particularly frustrated today so having wine and posting here vs picking a fight with dh


Husband has mental health issues and you're drunk. Talk about having another child but nothing about loving/nurturing children is listed on the "pros" column.
Do yourself, your children and the world a favor and don't have another.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:52     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Most smart and successful women can build an encore career if they want, but not if the financials have to match their previous career. If yours is the only job you can imagine wanting, I would stay in it. But if you think you could be happy with a different career, and you’re okay financially, you might be fine.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:48     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
No more kids. Keep your job and hire a nanny or house manager to make your life easier. You can ramp your career when the kids are older...or not if you don’t want to.