Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I send gifts based on how many of my family are showing up and participating/eating at the party. When kids are little you always get at least one parent, but if both parents and/or siblings show up you got to send a bigger gift. Think of your lunch cost. I threw a bparty once, and a person who had rsvped for 5, brought a $7 gift. It felt so disrespectful.

I think one kido and one parent are ok with an $18-25 gift. Otherwise, add a few dollars per person.

Another example: party at the bowling alley, you bring 2 kids. So alley + pizza cost double. You have to be thoughtful about how many were invited and how many you’re sending and how much extra that’ll cost the host.

This is really odd. Are you throwing larger/more elaborate parties than you can really afford, so the "return" in gifts means so much to you?
If your kid does not get enough nice presents, maybe skip the party and buy presents?
I mean, I spend quite a bit on our annual holiday party, I don't expect gifts at all for that. Some people bring a bottle of wine or some cookies but I really don't expect it.

Is it odd because you tag all your family along?

It’s not about what you except. It’s about good manners. Little ones can’t be dropped off, and if you ask to bring the whole family, you put the host in a tough spot, because they have to accept you all or none.

If you had to hire outside help for the kids not attending the party, you’re basically looking for a free ride at the party.

Anyway, because a party is more glamorous, ir shouldn’t change the gift budget, but if the invite comes for Larla and you send the whole squad, then you need to step up your gift. Think like every child you send needs to send a gift.

No, I would never bring siblings to a party if they were not specifically invited. I think that is your issue, not the lack of gift. A gift is something freely given, not an admission ticket per child.

Honestly, I have had parents ask to bring a sibling and I am always fine with it. I have had other children give my child clearly secondhand gifts because it was all they can afford and that is fine. And I do "no gifts" parties once my kids are old enough to really understand the idea and not be bothered by it, especially at larger parties, because we have enough stuff already.

I only remember two gifts from all my children’s parties. One was this $7 crap gift. It was probably a regift. Another was a beautiful book that my kids loved for years. I don’t remember what the book cost, but it was a very thoughtful gift, because it wasn’t just any board book.

Anyway, at a minimum, I always give a gift receipt or a gift card. Usually between $20 or $30. If I find a $50 toy on sale for let’s say $32 after tax, I get it and ‘ignore’ the budget.

And no, I’m not worried about getting gifts, or don’t mind hosting the siblings, but I believe in showing some respect for the host. At a birthday party you show it with a thoughtful gift. I’m general it doesn’t have to be expensive, but $7, $10 can only get you some junk. If you don’t accompany that with a gift receipt, you’re basically creating frustration for the host who has to deal with a frustrated child playing with a garbage toy, and/or have to take care of that trash.

I’d prefer I get nothing than a piece of junk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I send gifts based on how many of my family are showing up and participating/eating at the party. When kids are little you always get at least one parent, but if both parents and/or siblings show up you got to send a bigger gift. Think of your lunch cost. I threw a bparty once, and a person who had rsvped for 5, brought a $7 gift. It felt so disrespectful.

I think one kido and one parent are ok with an $18-25 gift. Otherwise, add a few dollars per person.

Another example: party at the bowling alley, you bring 2 kids. So alley + pizza cost double. You have to be thoughtful about how many were invited and how many you’re sending and how much extra that’ll cost the host.

This is really odd. Are you throwing larger/more elaborate parties than you can really afford, so the "return" in gifts means so much to you?
If your kid does not get enough nice presents, maybe skip the party and buy presents?
I mean, I spend quite a bit on our annual holiday party, I don't expect gifts at all for that. Some people bring a bottle of wine or some cookies but I really don't expect it.

Is it odd because you tag all your family along?

It’s not about what you except. It’s about good manners. Little ones can’t be dropped off, and if you ask to bring the whole family, you put the host in a tough spot, because they have to accept you all or none.

If you had to hire outside help for the kids not attending the party, you’re basically looking for a free ride at the party.

Anyway, because a party is more glamorous, ir shouldn’t change the gift budget, but if the invite comes for Larla and you send the whole squad, then you need to step up your gift. Think like every child you send needs to send a gift.

No, I would never bring siblings to a party if they were not specifically invited. I think that is your issue, not the lack of gift. A gift is something freely given, not an admission ticket per child.

Honestly, I have had parents ask to bring a sibling and I am always fine with it. I have had other children give my child clearly secondhand gifts because it was all they can afford and that is fine. And I do "no gifts" parties once my kids are old enough to really understand the idea and not be bothered by it, especially at larger parties, because we have enough stuff already.

Anonymous wrote:In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives. People from our cultural group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit. We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party. They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous. It in on par with their parents throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents. It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm sure the more expensive bday party didn't break the bank.
Though, for more expensive weddings, I do give more to help out the newlyweds.

+1

In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives. People from our cultural group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit. We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party. They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous. It in on par with their parents throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents. It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

^ this is what I’ve always done at least.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I send gifts based on how many of my family are showing up and participating/eating at the party. When kids are little you always get at least one parent, but if both parents and/or siblings show up you got to send a bigger gift. Think of your lunch cost. I threw a bparty once, and a person who had rsvped for 5, brought a $7 gift. It felt so disrespectful.

I think one kido and one parent are ok with an $18-25 gift. Otherwise, add a few dollars per person.

Another example: party at the bowling alley, you bring 2 kids. So alley + pizza cost double. You have to be thoughtful about how many were invited and how many you’re sending and how much extra that’ll cost the host.

This is really odd. Are you throwing larger/more elaborate parties than you can really afford, so the "return" in gifts means so much to you?
If your kid does not get enough nice presents, maybe skip the party and buy presents?
I mean, I spend quite a bit on our annual holiday party, I don't expect gifts at all for that. Some people bring a bottle of wine or some cookies but I really don't expect it.

Is it odd because you tag all your family along?

It’s not about what you except. It’s about good manners. Little ones can’t be dropped off, and if you ask to bring the whole family, you put the host in a tough spot, because they have to accept you all or none.

If you had to hire outside help for the kids not attending the party, you’re basically looking for a free ride at the party.

Anyway, because a party is more glamorous, ir shouldn’t change the gift budget, but if the invite comes for Larla and you send the whole squad, then you need to step up your gift. Think like every child you send needs to send a gift.

No. I have a standard $20-30 budget for all birthday parties. I only give larger gifts to my nieces and nephews.

Anonymous wrote:I send gifts based on how many of my family are showing up and participating/eating at the party. When kids are little you always get at least one parent, but if both parents and/or siblings show up you got to send a bigger gift. Think of your lunch cost. I threw a bparty once, and a person who had rsvped for 5, brought a $7 gift. It felt so disrespectful.

I think one kido and one parent are ok with an $18-25 gift. Otherwise, add a few dollars per person.

Another example: party at the bowling alley, you bring 2 kids. So alley + pizza cost double. You have to be thoughtful about how many were invited and how many you’re sending and how much extra that’ll cost the host.

This is really odd. Are you throwing larger/more elaborate parties than you can really afford, so the "return" in gifts means so much to you?
If your kid does not get enough nice presents, maybe skip the party and buy presents?
I mean, I spend quite a bit on our annual holiday party, I don't expect gifts at all for that. Some people bring a bottle of wine or some cookies but I really don't expect it.

I give more expensive gifts ($30-40) to my kids’ best friends or to our best friends’ kids. For the rest, I usually stay around $20-25.

No.

No change. I prefer that my kids not even get friend gifts because they get so many from family. And sometimes you don't even know how expensive the party is until you arrive and see a pony.

I also do a slightly bigger gift if whole family is invited. I also do a bigger gift is it’s a smaller party—like one of my kids’ friends did a small party where they took just a few friends to a sporting event. Since they were only inviting a few close friends, we spent a bit more.

I send gifts based on how many of my family are showing up and participating/eating at the party. When kids are little you always get at least one parent, but if both parents and/or siblings show up you got to send a bigger gift. Think of your lunch cost. I threw a bparty once, and a person who had rsvped for 5, brought a $7 gift. It felt so disrespectful.

I think one kido and one parent are ok with an $18-25 gift. Otherwise, add a few dollars per person.

Another example: party at the bowling alley, you bring 2 kids. So alley + pizza cost double. You have to be thoughtful about how many were invited and how many you’re sending and how much extra that’ll cost the host.

for me expensive gift is just only a material things that's a gift reflect your personal appearance,such includes quality and price too.if i am giving expensive give better heart ,heart that will say the truth and what inside of it and time affection ..ever🤣since in my life i didnt accept expensive gift but i am the one gift expensive to them with loyal heart that seeking of true love and good intentions. And i thank you i hope someday in another journey i will find that we called true infatuation and true affection money is just counted too definitely we need money but don't used money also to deceive someone dreams and love ..you feel it true emotions and actions and chemistry...see you soon my Mr right ...........