Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 06:36     Subject: Re:Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:I prefer family over friends, except my family is not local. I don't feel lonely until I see other people becoming besties in one month, when I was trying for a year and it never worked. It kind of hurts when you see someone all chatty with someone else, and with me they seem strained to come up with conversation. There is always going to be someone more social than I am, and I mostly don't bother trying anymore. I'd rather just be peaceful alone than deal with cliquish behavior. Not sure where to find the nice people.


We’re out there. I’m nice and open to new people.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 00:33     Subject: Who else has no friends?
The irony is that the threat of not settling down and having kids is that you'll grow old alone and that would be tragic. Maybe that was true a hundred years ago. Nowadays, I think having a family can actually be a liability to living your best life.

I hear a lot of complaints from people about having to work all day and then go home and pull a second shift with cooking and homework and kid activities and wrestling them into bed. Meanwhile, the unencumbered folks are the ones out there socializing, experiencing new restaurants / bars / arts / events. Yeah, they still have complaints about the impermanence of relationships they have. But there's just so much more opportunities to meet new people and find your tribe.

I hope that all of you lonely DCUM will find new life when your kids are out of the house and you have time to explore and build community through your own interests.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 00:24     Subject: Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What about the parents of your kids classmates? That's who most of my friends are and I would say we have deep and significant friends by this point. Do you feel there is anyone among them who could be a candidate?


Wait until your kids are gone -- their friends' parents will be out of your lives. Right now you're all friends out of convenience.


Really? I'm 35 and my 60-something parents spend tons of time in retirement with people they met through baby classes and then elementary/middle/high school. I find out about some of the goings-on of my peers who are still friends, because they live in other parts of the country, but our parents get together multiple times a month and go on vacations together.


Really. Maybe not every single one of them, but most of them. Don't kid yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 00:20     Subject: Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What about the parents of your kids classmates? That's who most of my friends are and I would say we have deep and significant friends by this point. Do you feel there is anyone among them who could be a candidate?


Wait until your kids are gone -- their friends' parents will be out of your lives. Right now you're all friends out of convenience.


Really? I'm 35 and my 60-something parents spend tons of time in retirement with people they met through baby classes and then elementary/middle/high school. I find out about some of the goings-on of my peers who are still friends, because they live in other parts of the country, but our parents get together multiple times a month and go on vacations together.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 00:06     Subject: Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:What about the parents of your kids classmates? That's who most of my friends are and I would say we have deep and significant friends by this point. Do you feel there is anyone among them who could be a candidate?


Wait until your kids are gone -- their friends' parents will be out of your lives. Right now you're all friends out of convenience.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 23:53     Subject: Who else has no friends?
It takes me a long time to find and make friends. I started staying at home with my first and joined tons of moms groups and went to a lot of events and it took two years before I had people I considered friends. Not close friends, just friends.

Then we moved to a new state and again it’s taken two years to make friends again. I’m still not to a deep friendship level but I am trying so we’ll see what happens. The new state has much more normal and friendly people so it’s been easier.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 22:42     Subject: Who else has no friends?
Lots of acquaintances, no close friends. I've never been good at keeping in touch with people. I fully own this fault - we get along great when we see each other, and then I drop the ball with following up for another get-together.

Day to day, I'm totally fine with this. Happy with myself, my husband, my kids, my parents and sister.

But longer term, I do think that strong friendships are important. I need to make this more of a priority.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 22:35     Subject: Re:Who else has no friends?
I prefer family over friends, except my family is not local. I don't feel lonely until I see other people becoming besties in one month, when I was trying for a year and it never worked. It kind of hurts when you see someone all chatty with someone else, and with me they seem strained to come up with conversation. There is always going to be someone more social than I am, and I mostly don't bother trying anymore. I'd rather just be peaceful alone than deal with cliquish behavior. Not sure where to find the nice people.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 21:38     Subject: Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of acquaintances. I think many would see me as someone with many friends, but I don't have anyone to "go deep" with. I'm really lonely.


+1.

Even groups I'm a part of, like a book club, leave me out. I just heard of three events given by members of the book club over the past few months to which I wasn’t invoted.

It doesn’t help that research keeps pointing to strong social connections as important for long term health.


I don't think that necessarily means that you need to have deep friendships; I think that feeling like part of a community (through work, volunteering, hobby, etc.) is more important. There are other things that can counteract the lack of strong social connections.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 20:38     Subject: Who else has no friends?
I was always something of a loner. My closest friends are the people I went to high school with 20 years ago. All of them moved away around the same time I moved back here ten years ago. Outside of the people I go to lunch with at work, I haven't been out with an actual friend in years. I got divorced several years ago, so it's just been me and the kid. I figure the loneliness will hit me when it's time for college.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 20:09     Subject: Who else has no friends?
I also have a lot of acquaintances but no deep friends. And my DH is anti social so any friends i have, it’s just me and her and we have no couple friends. I can go to our pool and it takes me an hour to get to a seat because I’m chatting with people but when it comes time to go to events there with other couples, we are never invited by anyone. This makes me sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 19:59     Subject: Who else has no friends?
My sister is like this. And honestly, it's exhausting. She has a lot of anxiety and lumps all her communication on us. It would be so much better if she spread her talking about her issues on many people, instead of using her 2 siblings as her only outlet.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 19:56     Subject: Re:Who else has no friends?
I don't have any close friend who lives close. I'm an immigrant anyway and think that I don't connect with a typical "American woman". I'm so busy at work and my toddler child, that I have no time for even myself. It would be nice to have at least one close friend though.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 19:50     Subject: Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know about 25 people in my adjacent streets, to say hello to and wave. Maybe one or two will stop with their dogs for a few minutes and chat. That is pretty much it.

But we're from overseas and people view us with a sense of impermanence and possibly distrust, despite the fact we've lived here over a decade and own our home.

but that's ok because most of the folks around here are super boring and I can only handle small doses.


Yes...it must be the others who are off-putting with their sense of impermanence and distrust.


You need to work on your reading comprehension.


And YOU need to come up with a better one liner for your online clap backs
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2020 19:43     Subject: Re:Who else has no friends?
Anonymous wrote:I have no friends or family close by. My family only calls me when they need money. They don't care how I am really, they just care if I can help them out. I've come to terms with that so it no longer bothers me. I'm alone but rarely lonely because I entertain myself. Was thinking about this subject recently. I choose not to make friends because I don't have the energy to do the friend's thing nor do I want to hear every tidbit of their lives. Honestly, my life schedule doesn't permit it. Most everyone around me works so I don't have anything to contribute to a friendship. I find it to be exhausting just thinking about it. My life would seem strange to anyone so I keep it to myself. I unplugged my house phone over a year ago and only turn my cell phone on during the hours I'm awake. Only 3 people have my number. I just don't want to be bothered. In my world there is nothing wrong with being non social. I don't feel the need to be social. If I did I'd just go grocery shopping. The stores are full of people. When I had kids at home I did what I had to do be the parental face but I hated it. I'm not shy. I just don't like being something I'm not. My husband is very people loving and enjoys being around others. I still don't know how we came to be together. I guess opposites do attract.

Making friends is easy, growing that friendship is hard. It takes work. I don't want to work it.

My husband is my best friend so I do things with him. It's the way I like it.


Wait til he dies before you and you have no one to turn to. That is my mother.