Anonymous wrote:OP, my mother has done this kind of stuff. It’s so hurtful, and really messes with your mind because, if you’re like me, you’ve been conditioned to think this is normal. I’m not estranged from my mother after the latest incident. Your mom has some serious problems, none of which you can solve. Cut contact from your ex and mother. Fill your life with decent and supportive people instead.

Newcomer here. This forum is a godsend. Much better than seeing a therapist. Thank you your observation (about being conditioned); it is right on the money. I won't disengage or be estranged from my mother because she has a mental illness. However, before it manifested she exhibited this pattern and was outright cold and unforgiving after I had a child out of wedlock. It's part of her upbringing. My father didn't speak to me for ten years. It's helpful to finally talk about it with others who had similar experiences.

She can spend time with whomever she wants (like the ex). You can spend time with whoever you want (like not your mother). Just cut her off. I don't get the complexity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to break up with your mom. She has directly and blatantly let you know that she does not mind hurting you. Anyone else in your life like that, you would stay away. In fact, you did with your ex. Your mother should have a stronger desire than anyone *not* to hurt you. Steer well clear of her.

I’m curious about why your ex showed it to you. Was he floating, was he concerned for you that your mother would do this, or what?

He didn't seem to have any malice or manipulation behind it. He said he just thought I should know.

Of course he did. He was showing you that he was winning, and enjoying how bad it would make you feel to see it. No one could be clueless enough to show someone information like that without understanding what a punch in the gut that would be.

Or he may have been shocked by it and thought op should know what her mother did. I’m not trying to paint him as a good guy after all he put the op through, but most people would find a message like that to be way out of line.

Or maybe he doesn't want OP's mom contacting him and he's hoping OP will say something to her about it. It's probably an awkward position for him as well.

But we can all agree that it is no coincidence that OP continues to allow two people who have hurt her so badly- and continue to do so- into her life. Know better, do better. OP, Please allow this opportunity to give you insight into the concept that you DON'T have to keep people around this to punish yourself. Something tells me that it's already easy enough for you to feel like sh!t without the help of others.