In an ideal world, I would have had more than 2. Lots of factors intervened. Two is what I ended up with, not by choice, and since DH has cancer, we will not adopt. Overtime, this saddens me less, but it was once a hole in my heart.

I'm 41 and we have a 4.5 y.o. and a 6 month old. If I were 35 and could be a SAHM, I'd think about a third but there is no way we could swing a third now. We're lucky I got pregnant easily and had healthy kids as it is. Don't really want to tempt fate at this point. When people get older, and the kids are grown, though, sure, who doesn't wish there was another? But the practical aspects of raising 3 just won't work out for us. That's life...You can't always have what you want.

PS To a PP, changing diapers at 40 is really no big deal.

We have 4; I would have loved to have 5 (but we won’t ever be having another; too old now and just couldn’t handle a baby again at this stage in life.)

OP here. Everyone’s responses have been very helpful and interesting. Thank you all so much!

At your age I’d be very happy with 2. Project out being in your late 50’s and early 60’s and what life will be like. We have three but I had my 3rd at 34 so we became empty nesters in our early 50’s with all educations paid for by 55.

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on you and your spouse’s personality. We have 3 and we are so done. Would have probably been happier with just 2, but it took having a 3rd to realize that. I was so baby obsessed in my 30’s. Entering my 40’s now and kids will all be in school soon. I’m able and ready to think about myself again and I’m enjoying this new stage of my life. I would not recommend 3 if you have any doubts.

I was going to say something similar. Having doubts about whether you might want another is NOT in and of itself a reason to go for it, nor does it mean that your family isn't 'complete' as is. For many families it would be the wrong decision.

MayaJ wrote:PP, what do you mean by "I do think the payoff to each additional kid diminishes, though"?

From my perspective, there are lots of pros to having a second child that don't exist with the third child. Having a second child lets you relive the early cute days that you may be missing or didn't realize to take full advantage of with your first child. It provides a built-in permanent playmate and best friend to your children. You can also economize by using lots of the same products assuming the kids are the same gender (e.g., hand me down bikes). I personally feel that the third child (although he's not here yet) doesn't confer the same benefits. There is already a built-in playmate, do you need two of those? It's no problem to keep some clothes or a bike for 2-3 years, but do you really want to keep it for 5-7 years? By the time this age difference comes along, carseats mostly can't legally be used anymore so you have to purchase new ones anyway. And, even reliving the younger cuter days, it's like... this is the THIRD time now. You're also older and I'm not sure losing sleep and changing 2am diapers will be as easy at 40 as it was at 30. Finally, with three kids you are getting to the point where fitting everyone in one sedan or SUV is possible, but it's getting tight, especially with 1-2 of the kids in large carseats. The scourge of the minivan is rearing its ugly head and looming over you (I pray this won't end up being needed).

Anyway, that's what I meant about diminishing payoffs.

41 with 3 kids, oldest is 12. I definitely have my hands full with the three I have, although sometimes DH and I get wistful about wanting a fourth. But for the most part, we are very happy with the size of the family we have, and we are grateful we went for it when we came to the third. I'm not sure I would have wanted three though if I meant having my last at the age I am currently. I don't know if in my early forties I have it in me to do the late sleepless nights and grinding childcare of the early years.

Anonymous wrote:I am your age and have two, both in middle school. I wish I’d had one more, but right after #2. I had a brief pregnancy scare two months ago and realized how much I do NOT want another one now, at my age and with my kids so close to independence.

My kids are the best part of my life, and I like my life! But one more now would be a serious financial pinch, a big setback in the kinds of activities we are able to do, and kind of a drag for my aging body. I already can barely get through a three mile run without needing to stop and pee. One more pregnancy would probably put me over the edge!

Similar. At times I wish I had a third, and I would have if I were guaranteed the same uncomplicated pregnancies and easy children. But they don't hand out guarantees, and think what I have is good enough.

I'm 42 with a 5 and 6 yo. Thought long and hard about a third four years ago, but our hands felt full. Our hands still feel full, but if I was four years younger we'd probably go for one last baby.

It really depends on you and your spouse’s personality. We have 3 and we are so done. Would have probably been happier with just 2, but it took having a 3rd to realize that. I was so baby obsessed in my 30’s. Entering my 40’s now and kids will all be in school soon. I’m able and ready to think about myself again and I’m enjoying this new stage of my life. I would not recommend 3 if you have any doubts.

I have one who is 17. Wouldn't have had more. Totally happy with one.

We have 3.

In a perfect world, I would have 4 total (2 boys and 2 girls).

When my kids were 2 and 4 I thought we should go for a 3rd. Dh was not on board so we didn’t. I was kind of sad then because what if a bigger family was our fate? They’re 10 and 12 now and I’m perfectly happy with our family of 4. No sadness, no regrets.

I have 2 currently. We are planning to have 3. I’m 38, and will likely be 40 or 41 when our third is born, if all goes according to plan.

Also, as the mother of a beautiful little girl with a motor disability caused by medical negligence at birth, I have to say that having a child with special needs is certainly not the worst thing in the world, and while it’s a path very few would choose, it has also brought many unexpected blessings. I have had two close friends whose children passed away from cancer at a young age. That is a tragedy. Having a child with additional or unique needs is just a bump in the road, and one that can be navigated with love and joy.