Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

You are just one person moving into his house. You will survive in a smaller space for a little bit and so will your kids. Schedules can be adjusted, rooms can be shared. What is the custody situation?

Has he ever offered for you to move in with him? Does he want his kids to have their own space? There are a lot of missing elements in your story. He's either committed to a future with you or not -- and it looks like a no for now.

it’s not just one person moving into his house... I have 3 boys. He has a daughter. His house is only a 3 bedroom, and his daughter needs her own room. My kids are teens and pre-teens...they can’t all share 3 boys to a small room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

If I wanted to buy my own house, I could. I make more $ than my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was financially a good idea to be stuck with a mortgage the second I divorced, so I didn’t have a problem renting. I have never asked him for money, and my ex and I will be solely responsible for paying my childrens college tuitions.

He doesn’t help carpool. Maybe once a month he takes my oldest son to his soccer game when I’m at work, but that’s it.

Is it wrong to want to share finances after you’ve been dating someone nearly 4 years? I’m truly asking why that’s a bad thing to want. Just because I’m divorced, doesn’t mean I can never want to get married again. He’s not wealthier than I am, I’m not looking for his money.

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to sh#t or get off the pot. You need to dump this guy. He will never marry you.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my boyfriend since August of 2016. He owns a home, and I rent. I have been wanting to move in together. He says his goal is for us to own a home together ‘one day’, but that he’s not willing to sell his current home. Which I completely understand, and am not asking him to do. After some pressure on my end, he says he will try and rent his home out so we can live together. But then there is always something that’s comes up. He wants to renovate x, y, z first...he says there’s not enough room in my house for his things, etc etc.

He says he wants to marry me one day. He has started staying at my house every day and night. He asks me, why isn’t this enough? Why do I need him to also give up his house? I told him that I want to save money on expenses, so that we can have our own home together one day. Right now, there’s absolutely no way to save that kind of money living separately. He thinks I’m pressuring him and need to give him more time. I think that it’s been 3.5 years, and that’s long enough to figure things out. Am I in the wrong here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

If I wanted to buy my own house, I could. I make more $ than my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was financially a good idea to be stuck with a mortgage the second I divorced, so I didn’t have a problem renting. I have never asked him for money, and my ex and I will be solely responsible for paying my childrens college tuitions.

He doesn’t help carpool. Maybe once a month he takes my oldest son to his soccer game when I’m at work, but that’s it.

Is it wrong to want to share finances after you’ve been dating someone nearly 4 years? I’m truly asking why that’s a bad thing to want. Just because I’m divorced, doesn’t mean I can never want to get married again. He’s not wealthier than I am, I’m not looking for his money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

HE IS TELLING YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BUT YOU AREN'T LISTENING. Read what you wrote here, again.

He doesn't want what you want. It's time for you to move on this relationship has run its course.

I have told him multiple times exactly that...we just don’t want the same things. But he’s insistent that I’m wrong and being crazy about things. And I don’t always think I’m right, which is why I like to hear other people’s opinions who don’t know either of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.