There's a correlated omitted variable here... generation. Many people are claiming that after 20 years of marriage you're not happy anymore. But to married 20 years, you're probably 50 years old or more, which means a lot are probably boomers. Like, have you ever MET a boomer? I wouldn't want to be married to one either!

A good thread to point to as Exhibit A when people say women are never satisfied.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a sad thread. Like any other relationship, marriages take work and attention to stay healthy.

DH and I are really happy. Now we’ve only been married for 5.5 years, so I guess you can say “oh come back in 20 years” but I think we have a really strong foundation.

Come back in 20 years;

Ok, seriously though, we were you, the happy, sex positive couple that never fought and were really in love after a decade. The second decade it all unraveled. I can see why looking back, and I am not saying it will happen to you but you definitely need to actively take your marriage as a priority or it can happen to anyone.

Good luck!!

I would have said this at 5 years and even 10. There’s a problem is you’re unhappy at 5 years. And you’re unusually lucky if you still feel the same way 10-15 years in.

Anonymous wrote:All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.

Same. My mom has told me this is true for all of her friends too. I think part of the problem is that our expectations usually exceed reality. So while reality may be ok or even good, we want something better.

I think it's weird that people expect to be "in love" throughout the marriage. Marriage is work and you'll have to work at reigniting the spark. Or else you'll divorce, be with someone else for a while and wonder why don't feel "in love" anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a sad thread. Like any other relationship, marriages take work and attention to stay healthy.

DH and I are really happy. Now we’ve only been married for 5.5 years, so I guess you can say “oh come back in 20 years” but I think we have a really strong foundation.

Come back in 20 years;

Ok, seriously though, we were you, the happy, sex positive couple that never fought and were really in love after a decade. The second decade it all unraveled. I can see why looking back, and I am not saying it will happen to you but you definitely need to actively take your marriage as a priority or it can happen to anyone.

Good luck!!

OP, you sound very blessed with good health and financial stability. It does sound like you are experiencing a mid-life crisis, not an issue with your marriage or family situation. (Your husband sounds pretty great, tbh.) Try looking outside yourself and find ways to connect with a community or help others. It will give you perspective and make a positive contribution to other's lives. It might help shake you out of your funk.

We've been married 37 years and I'm very happy and I'm quite sure so is my husband. We have three great adult children and a bunch of grandchildren which is wonderful. But we've had an exciting life! We've lived all over the country, I've had a bunch of different careers (corporate, non profit, my own small business) so I've re-invented myself a few times. My husbands career was an amazing adventure and very successful and now we are retired and having fun. We were in our early 40's when we packed up and moved across the country and moved two more times before we settled down at around 50. I'm sure there were times when our marriage was just coasting along in neutral but we always found ways to create change that really brought us together as a couple. Now we are mostly retired but with enough work to keep our brains alive and pay some bills but we travel a lot and do a lot of fun things. Thankfully, we are in good health, stay decently in shape and still have a pretty active love life. Don't let your marriage run on autopilot for too long or it will crash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s you not him or the marriage.

Sigh. Yes, it probably is me. DH tells me he loves me all the time. He comes home and takes kids to sports. Sadly others will probably consider us the happily married people.

I have always gotten sick of my previous boyfriends when I was younger. I guess I’m just stuck.

Yes. It is you. I can’t diagnose you so you need therapy.

You seem to have created an idea in you head of “happiness” from some fantasy world and it is never reachable.
You also seek satisfaction from external validation.

This literally has nothing to do with your H or your marriage.

Stop taking about how you work out, like that matters and what your H doesn’t do. No matter what he does you will move the goal post so he never “makes you happy”.

DH and I are happily married. 26 years and for the most part we have always been happy.

Wow. This is a sad thread. Like any other relationship, marriages take work and attention to stay healthy.

DH and I are really happy. Now we’ve only been married for 5.5 years, so I guess you can say “oh come back in 20 years” but I think we have a really strong foundation.

Anonymous wrote:Over 50% of married couples are unhappy.

From the 50% of marriages that end in divorce so 25% of marriages are happy or not unhappy?

Over 50% of married couples are unhappy.

Just call it like it is: yet another platonic room mate situation. Oh and go ahead and give him the official hall pass so he can stop sneaking around.

All my friends vary between tolerating and hating their spouses.

I’m planning to remain single and live for myself.