Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,
Sorry you are going through this.
Counseling for you.
Psychiatrist for her (to adjust her meds). Therapists can't
adjust meds so I'm not sure why people are recommending
a therapist.
You can't force someone to get mental health help in our society.
Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She does sound like she is not be optimally treated for depression and the meds she is on are not working. Plus, she needs to be going to individual therapy or switch therapists at this point. It's a disease OP, and whatever treatment she has is not cutting it right now.
Be sure to get help for yourself as well, it's not easy being in a relationship with a depressed person and trying to hold it together for the kids.
Thank you. I create every reason to get out of the house lately and avoid being with her at home. RIght now she is staring at the tv and staring into space. I've sent a list of new therapists for her to call for appointments. I asked if she would like me to sit with her and call. THe silence is so heavy. I feel guilty for feeling happy and enjoying life and my kids. We aren't bad people, but you only get 1 chance at life, and I know there is more than this. I pray it doesn't rain today so that I can be out of the house for as long as possible.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She does sound like she is not be optimally treated for depression and the meds she is on are not working. Plus, she needs to be going to individual therapy or switch therapists at this point. It's a disease OP, and whatever treatment she has is not cutting it right now.
Be sure to get help for yourself as well, it's not easy being in a relationship with a depressed person and trying to hold it together for the kids.
Thank you. I create every reason to get out of the house lately and avoid being with her at home. RIght now she is staring at the tv and staring into space. I've sent a list of new therapists for her to call for appointments. I asked if she would like me to sit with her and call. THe silence is so heavy. I feel guilty for feeling happy and enjoying life and my kids. We aren't bad people, but you only get 1 chance at life, and I know there is more than this. I pray it doesn't rain today so that I can be out of the house for as long as possible.
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,
Sorry you are going through this.
Counseling for you.
Psychiatrist for her (to adjust her meds). Therapists can't
adjust meds so I'm not sure why people are recommending
a therapist.
You can't force someone to get mental health help in our society.
Anonymous wrote:She does sound like she is not be optimally treated for depression and the meds she is on are not working. Plus, she needs to be going to individual therapy or switch therapists at this point. It's a disease OP, and whatever treatment she has is not cutting it right now.
Be sure to get help for yourself as well, it's not easy being in a relationship with a depressed person and trying to hold it together for the kids.
Anonymous wrote:What the hell? Everyone laying on this poor OP because he's a man. DCUM is so disgustingly sexist sometimes. If this was a woman you all would be telling her she needs to leave him since he won't take the opportunity to help herself and the weight of breadwinning AND child rearing AND household duties is falling on her. But no common sympathy for this OP. OP, try getting her meds changed and another few months of therapy and then issue an ultimatum. Her mental issues can no longer be your weight to bear if she's not trying to help herself and otherwise not contributing to your household at all. What about YOUR mental health? Your kids deserve at least one healthy, stable, contributing, positive parent.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sickness or in health OP. You don't get to abandon your kids because you don't like their mom anymore. Insist on therapy, counseling, meds. Don't be a selfish jerk and leave your kids with a depressed shell of a person. She will likely get at least 50%. Who is going to keep the house clean while your kids are living with a depressed person?
Having little kids is HARD. This stage will pass. If it's important to you to get out more, have more fun, then do it without her if you must. But don't leave your kids with that. OR talk to a lawyer and see if you can get full time custody. You of course do want full time custody, right?
+1. Try to encourage her to agree to get outside help for household chores. Also, to be fair, she IS being treated, but ti sounds like she may need a medication adjustment and perhaps some talk therapy. Help in making arrangements for the kids while she goes to the doctor and while she goes to therapy. Be proactive in making things easier for her. A depressed person may think the house is too messy to have anyone come in and clean. A depressed person may think that she can't get a a babysitter b/c she doesn't know anyone and the house is too messy to bring anyone in to watch the kids, etc., etc.
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry things are like this and so rough. You know this already, but you can only do so much to help someone with their own mental health issues.
If you haven't already (I've not read the entire thread), it might not be a bad idea to seek your own counseling.
Anonymous wrote:Sickness or in health OP. You don't get to abandon your kids because you don't like their mom anymore. Insist on therapy, counseling, meds. Don't be a selfish jerk and leave your kids with a depressed shell of a person. She will likely get at least 50%. Who is going to keep the house clean while your kids are living with a depressed person?
Having little kids is HARD. This stage will pass. If it's important to you to get out more, have more fun, then do it without her if you must. But don't leave your kids with that. OR talk to a lawyer and see if you can get full time custody. You of course do want full time custody, right?
Anonymous wrote:I've been where you are, OP. It sucks. You need to triage while still moving forward on good health for both of you.
1. Continue with relationship counselling so you both better understand what uncontrolled depression is doing to your relationship
-identify concrete steps you both need to take improve your mental health and relationship
-agree to a timeline for the steps to be completed
-these steps should include you both seeing her prescribing psychiatrist to adjust medication. You need to provide imput into the symptoms you see
2. Do a check on your own mental health. Depression is 'contagious'.
3. You may want to see an individual counselor to help you work through what this is doing to you, including figuring out what you're going to do if/when she doesn't comply with the steps in #1
4. Start getting your own financial house in order in the event you separate. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
While depression is a legitimate health issue and may explain behavior/challenges, it cannot be used as an excuse. Your DW does have choices. If she does not choose to seek treatment, your life and your relationship will not get any better. At some point, you will likely develop depression. It's also not a healthy environment for kids. That was the issue for me. When I realized that my own health was negatively impacted by living with XDH and that our kids were better off, I left. Despite my best efforts (making appointments for him, being ready to drive him to the appts, etc.), he chose not to take the helping hands that were offered to him. People can spew all they want about him not being 'able' to take those hands. Doesn't matter. The marriage vows I took don't require me to jeopardize my own well being by staying in the marriage. I have a responsibility to myself and to our kids. Good luck.