Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 21:18     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue. Miserably unhappy where we live but spouse refuses to ever move anywhere. But filing for divorce would blow up retirement.


I could say the same thing. I could leave him, but I am still stuck living here with the kids. So I might as well stay and try to make the best of it. We were happy and loved each other at some point, maybe we will again one day.

I have trouble seeing how, within reason, location could have that huge an effect on your happiness. Unless, say, you lived in a highly misogynistic or totalitarian country. I'm very political and opinionated, but even in places where most people do not share your values, there exist potential friends. Where do you live?


Lol! Apparently you have never lived in a small town or are VERY tolerant of different lifestyles. I'm not political at all and couldn't care less what people's prejudices or political beliefs are. BUT, let me share with you a little real estate tour I did in SOUTH BEND INDIANA. The realtor drove me around town showing me all the GREAT RESTAURANTS. It consisted of like an Applebees and 5 different pizza places. When I visit my relatives in a town of around 300k people, there's like two non-trash movie theaters, six semi-decent restaurants, and maybe one single "good" music concert in town every three years. So yeah, I can totally see how someone might be miserable because of location.


Damn, learn to cook and buy a good TV set. Problems of miserablenlocation solved.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 20:53     Subject: Re:How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Main reasons are children and finances. We have a special needs child so I’ve cut back to working part time. This will not be a short term situation, as child will need assistance for life.


Wow, you could be my wife. Dead marriage and a special needs kid. Although nothing said in my marriage that was too bad.

In my case, I found another woman in a similar situation so affair it was. That's the only way these marriages work, at least for men. Perhaps women can go without sex for a while
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 20:50     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue. Miserably unhappy where we live but spouse refuses to ever move anywhere. But filing for divorce would blow up retirement.


I could say the same thing. I could leave him, but I am still stuck living here with the kids. So I might as well stay and try to make the best of it. We were happy and loved each other at some point, maybe we will again one day.

I have trouble seeing how, within reason, location could have that huge an effect on your happiness. Unless, say, you lived in a highly misogynistic or totalitarian country. I'm very political and opinionated, but even in places where most people do not share your values, there exist potential friends. Where do you live?


Lol! Apparently you have never lived in a small town or are VERY tolerant of different lifestyles. I'm not political at all and couldn't care less what people's prejudices or political beliefs are. BUT, let me share with you a little real estate tour I did in SOUTH BEND INDIANA. The realtor drove me around town showing me all the GREAT RESTAURANTS. It consisted of like an Applebees and 5 different pizza places. When I visit my relatives in a town of around 300k people, there's like two non-trash movie theaters, six semi-decent restaurants, and maybe one single "good" music concert in town every three years. So yeah, I can totally see how someone might be miserable because of location.

I dunno, I'm a mother of young kids and I don't eat out, go to movies, or see shows much these days. But what does make me happy is spending time outdoors, making things, and having friends over. I get it, I would never want to live in south bend, but if I had to, I sure as hell wouldn't let it ruin my life.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 20:46     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue. Miserably unhappy where we live but spouse refuses to ever move anywhere. But filing for divorce would blow up retirement.


I could say the same thing. I could leave him, but I am still stuck living here with the kids. So I might as well stay and try to make the best of it. We were happy and loved each other at some point, maybe we will again one day.

I have trouble seeing how, within reason, location could have that huge an effect on your happiness. Unless, say, you lived in a highly misogynistic or totalitarian country. I'm very political and opinionated, but even in places where most people do not share your values, there exist potential friends. Where do you live?


Lol! Apparently you have never lived in a small town or are VERY tolerant of different lifestyles. I'm not political at all and couldn't care less what people's prejudices or political beliefs are. BUT, let me share with you a little real estate tour I did in SOUTH BEND INDIANA. The realtor drove me around town showing me all the GREAT RESTAURANTS. It consisted of like an Applebees and 5 different pizza places. When I visit my relatives in a town of around 300k people, there's like two non-trash movie theaters, six semi-decent restaurants, and maybe one single "good" music concert in town every three years. So yeah, I can totally see how someone might be miserable because of location.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 20:24     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue. Miserably unhappy where we live but spouse refuses to ever move anywhere. But filing for divorce would blow up retirement.


I could say the same thing. I could leave him, but I am still stuck living here with the kids. So I might as well stay and try to make the best of it. We were happy and loved each other at some point, maybe we will again one day.

I have trouble seeing how, within reason, location could have that huge an effect on your happiness. Unless, say, you lived in a highly misogynistic or totalitarian country. I'm very political and opinionated, but even in places where most people do not share your values, there exist potential friends. Where do you live?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 20:02     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Realize that in these dead marriage / roommate situations, the husband is 100% definitely going elsewhere for sex. This is understood to be DADT. A few of the wives will too, but most don't care enough for sex to even bother.


I assume that is is understood by both parties who chose to stay in the relations.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 19:41     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Realize that in these dead marriage / roommate situations, the husband is 100% definitely going elsewhere for sex. This is understood to be DADT. A few of the wives will too, but most don't care enough for sex to even bother.


Who cares?

If he wants to leave to be with someone and give me the things I want, then go.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 19:01     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Realize that in these dead marriage / roommate situations, the husband is 100% definitely going elsewhere for sex. This is understood to be DADT. A few of the wives will too, but most don't care enough for sex to even bother.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 18:51     Subject: Re:How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Always blown when I see people who would rather live a life of misery than have some self respect and dignity and get out. No matter what the reason, money isn’t worth a lifetime of being with someone you hate.


It is not always a hate. It is more like indifference. Kind like a convinient roommate.


Also they may hate their life single too so they gain nothing separating.

Unhappy people are unhappy with or without their spouse.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 18:19     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue. Miserably unhappy where we live but spouse refuses to ever move anywhere. But filing for divorce would blow up retirement.


I could say the same thing. I could leave him, but I am still stuck living here with the kids. So I might as well stay and try to make the best of it. We were happy and loved each other at some point, maybe we will again one day.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 18:18     Subject: Re:How to be happy in a dead marriage.
OP, your happiness is not conditioned on any human. It is within you, regardless where you live and who is next to you. It is true, that having certain people around you can make your life happier and more fulfilled, but it is not necessary prerequisite of happiness. What makes you happy? Try to find things that you love. Can you think about your spouse as a roommate? You would never blame your roommate for your unhappiness.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 18:09     Subject: Re:How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Always blown when I see people who would rather live a life of misery than have some self respect and dignity and get out. No matter what the reason, money isn’t worth a lifetime of being with someone you hate.


It is not always a hate. It is more like indifference. Kind like a convinient roommate.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 15:38     Subject: How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Miserable people are going to be miserable no mater what, happy people will be happy no matter what. Don't blame the dead marriage.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 14:31     Subject: Re:How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Always blown when I see people who would rather live a life of misery than have some self respect and dignity and get out. No matter what the reason, money isn’t worth a lifetime of being with someone you hate.


I agree.


+1, you deserve it if you ask for it.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2020 14:22     Subject: Re:How to be happy in a dead marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Always blown when I see people who would rather live a life of misery than have some self respect and dignity and get out. No matter what the reason, money isn’t worth a lifetime of being with someone you hate.


I agree.