Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

PP here. I’m talking about planning/ scheduling, and doing non-preferred tasks (cleaning and tidying up for me!). I procrastinate a lot.

However beauty-wise, I’ve never outsourced so childcare doesn’t change anything. I tweeze my own eyebrows, take care of my own nails, do not dye my hair, and prefer home yoga and walking the dog to gyms. I know my preferred brands and sizes, and shop for designer things online generally on eBay.

I am a SAHM and I will put aside a couple hours each week to give myself some at home spa treatments. For my hair I usually do coloring, highlighting, hot oil treatments, oil massage and deep conditioning masks or an exfoliating mask. I get my hair cut every 3-4 weeks. The rest of the time I will do some of these treatments at home - waxing, bleaching, facials, Korean masks, acid peels, threading, microdermabrasion, pedicures, manicures etc.
I dress up when I go out so that I am never embarrassed if I bump into someone. All of this does not take more than a couple hours a week if you do it at home. And an added benefit is that you will have such good skin that you do not even have to wear any makeup. Mascara, eye liner and a tinted lipstick will see you through the whole day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

It is interesting that I have found many WOHMs who have undiagnosed mental issues. They need to go to work because they cannot manage a day where they have to set a schedule. They cannot handle spending time with their kids and totally fall apart during vacations etc. Most cannot handle a sick child either, even with remote work option.
Their worst times are during holidays and they cannot even manage hosting or organizing anything without turning suicidal. However, workplace actually works the same way for them in providing structure as an mental institution would. If only they were somewhat efficient at workplace, the GDP would improve.

Is English your first language? You are a terrible writer.

DP. I am not a native English speaker and I don't think you realize how offensive your post is. It is a cheap and discriminatory shot at a pp that made an effort to reply. I hope you can accept that perfect English is not a prerequisite to post on dcum and that you should not insult and put down immigrants. Not being a native English speaker is not a crime. At least it didn't use to be.

Anonymous wrote:Why would any SAHP want to be in full makeup and uncomfortable clothes at 6am? If you need that to feel good about yourself, you have other areas you need to work on.

Who said this is what Op is talking about?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

It is interesting that I have found many WOHMs who have undiagnosed mental issues. They need to go to work because they cannot manage a day where they have to set a schedule. They cannot handle spending time with their kids and totally fall apart during vacations etc. Most cannot handle a sick child either, even with remote work option.
Their worst times are during holidays and they cannot even manage hosting or organizing anything without turning suicidal. However, workplace actually works the same way for them in providing structure as an mental institution would. If only they were somewhat efficient at workplace, the GDP would improve.

Is English your first language? You are a terrible writer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

It is interesting that I have found many WOHMs who have undiagnosed mental issues. They need to go to work because they cannot manage a day where they have to set a schedule. They cannot handle spending time with their kids and totally fall apart during vacations etc. Most cannot handle a sick child either, even with remote work option.
Their worst times are during holidays and they cannot even manage hosting or organizing anything without turning suicidal. However, workplace actually works the same way for them in providing structure as an mental institution would. If only they were somewhat efficient at workplace, the GDP would improve.

Do you think the same thing about men who work or just women?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Because you can't bring your child with you. It is hard to keep up these beauty treatments if you are a SAHM and don't have regular childcare already arranged (as you would if you worked outside house) or a nanny. Maybe DH works late and/or weekends and you don't have family to help. So are left with resorting to various high school neighbor girls and college girls to babysit. Finding a babysitter on a random random Tuesday at 11 isn't always easy.

Sure it’s harder to have these things done and manage childcare. But if you really want to, you can make it happen. If you make it a priority you can keep up your appearance. I bring my kids with me for threading (only takes 5 minutes). Manicures Sunday afternoon while kids nap. Hair is every 5 weeks. Online shopping for clothing.

Anonymous wrote:
This may not apply to you, but the SAHM parents (men and women) who can't seem to get it together are usually dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, or something of that nature. I speak from personal experience and observation of others.

It is interesting that I have found many WOHMs who have undiagnosed mental issues. They need to go to work because they cannot manage a day where they have to set a schedule. They cannot handle spending time with their kids and totally fall apart during vacations etc. Most cannot handle a sick child either, even with remote work option.
Their worst times are during holidays and they cannot even manage hosting or organizing anything without turning suicidal. However, workplace actually works the same way for them in providing structure as an mental institution would. If only they were somewhat efficient at workplace, the GDP would improve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all foreign to me. Why does having a kid mean you have to change your appearance? I dress the same and have the same beauty routine (manicures, threading, hair color) as prekids. Really nothing has changed!

Where are your kids while you’re having all these things done?

With their dad.

Why would any SAHP want to be in full makeup and uncomfortable clothes at 6am? If you need that to feel good about yourself, you have other areas you need to work on.

I’m not a really well put together SAHM, but I do what I can. I get up early to get ready before the kids wake up. I would at least go exercise in the basement, but DH leaves for work by 5:45 and I’m not as dedicated as the 4:30 rising PP.

And I *do* have ADHD and am loathe to take meds for it given the horrified reactions I’ve had to psych meds in the past.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I do and it keeps me on track to being productive all day.

I wake up at 4:30, go to gym and get a hard workout in, shower and get ready there before going home. Never leggings. I wear jeans and a sweater or blouse/button up shirt usually, simple dresses in summer.

I get home completely ready for the day and energized at 6:45 and I start making breakfast and packing lunches- just as my kids start to wake up

Good lord. How old are your kids and what time do you go to bed??

3, 6,8

I go to bed around 10-11. I do this 3-4 mornings per week and the other mornings I wake up around 6 to be showered and ready before they are up

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I do and it keeps me on track to being productive all day.

I wake up at 4:30, go to gym and get a hard workout in, shower and get ready there before going home. Never leggings. I wear jeans and a sweater or blouse/button up shirt usually, simple dresses in summer.

I get home completely ready for the day and energized at 6:45 and I start making breakfast and packing lunches- just as my kids start to wake up

Good lord. How old are your kids and what time do you go to bed??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what was your life like before kids? I know a lot of SAHMs who became SAHMs due at least in part to undiagnosed ADHD that made the work/kid juggle a complete nonstarter.

Really. I’ve never heard this before. I had a career before kids but always wanted to stay at home. No ADHD here.

That’s nice. “A lot” =/= “all” or even “most.”

I don’t follow.

OP mentioned being disorganized and struggling a lot with finishing what she started. I asked for more info because women with ADHD often find they were not diagnosed as children, and I personally know a lot of women with ADHD who end up staying home. That other SAHMs do not have ADHD is irrelevant.

Op here. I’m becoming more and interested in your ADHD angle. Care to share more? Do you have it? Are you a SAHM as well?

I do have it. I stayed home for a year. Now I work but have a lot of support (full time live in childcare) or it would never work. If you’re looking for books, ADHD/executive function books might be a place to look. I see an executive function coach and also take medication.

Thanks for the info. I’ve never considered that I could have a disorder. I’m definitely going to look into this more. Thanks

Here is what I do and it keeps me on track to being productive all day.

I wake up at 4:30, go to gym and get a hard workout in, shower and get ready there before going home. Never leggings. I wear jeans and a sweater or blouse/button up shirt usually, simple dresses in summer.

I get home completely ready for the day and energized at 6:45 and I start making breakfast and packing lunches- just as my kids start to wake up