Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Goodness--be grateful. There is no difference in quality among the top ten and tons of amazing kids don't get in to any of them....

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re all being much kinder than I’d hoped. I really really want to move past this because it’s done. Its more painful to feel this way than to just let it go so why can’t I? I’m so angry with myself. It’s child’s choice, child’s life. I should just be happy.
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”

What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re all being much kinder than I’d hoped. I really really want to move past this because it’s done. Its more painful to feel this way than to just let it go so why can’t I? I’m so angry with myself. It’s child’s choice, child’s life. I should just be happy.
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”

What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!

Anonymous wrote:The slightly nicer reply: You're right. It's not about you. Parent the child you have, not the child you thought you'd have.

The nastier reply: If you'd prefer that your child be miserable at an Ivy so you can have bragging rights, rather than happy at the "top 10" school they'd rather attend, you're a terrible parent.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re all being much kinder than I’d hoped. I really really want to move past this because it’s done. Its more painful to feel this way than to just let it go so why can’t I? I’m so angry with myself. It’s child’s choice, child’s life. I should just be happy.
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”

What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You kid sounds like they have a good head on their shoulders and will do well in life.

You, at least, seem sort of charming. It is amusing to think of coming to DCUM for the express purpose of being slapped around.

+1 on both. This is an excellent use of the College Forum, OP. I commend you!

This was a couple years ago, but my kid with perfect grades, test scores (2400 on the SAT first sitting) and subject scores blew her SCEA on Stanford and didn’t get in to either of the ivies she applied to. Same story with all her high stats friends. Without a hook or amazing ECs, great stats alone will not get the job done. Your kid made a smart decision, and you should be very impressed by their judgement. Plus, now they are done with the stress of applications and you can enjoy the rest of senior year with them!

White or Asian?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You kid sounds like they have a good head on their shoulders and will do well in life.

You, at least, seem sort of charming. It is amusing to think of coming to DCUM for the express purpose of being slapped around.

+1 on both. This is an excellent use of the College Forum, OP. I commend you!

This was a couple years ago, but my kid with perfect grades, test scores (2400 on the SAT first sitting) and subject scores blew her SCEA on Stanford and didn’t get in to either of the ivies she applied to. Same story with all her high stats friends. Without a hook or amazing ECs, great stats alone will not get the job done. Your kid made a smart decision, and you should be very impressed by their judgement. Plus, now they are done with the stress of applications and you can enjoy the rest of senior year with them!