$400+ on a one year olds first birthday party???? Are you people insane! Neither of you is right or wrong you are both just nuts.

What exactly are you complaining about? In the grand scheme of life is this really a big deal? If the $400 dollars is going to make a significant dent in your finances you have the answer. If not why are you stressing over it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world is she throwing a huge party for the third one year olds birthday?

Have only family members or a few friends and a cake with drinks at home. No need for venue or party planning other than calculating amount of cake and drinks and maybe some nuts for people who don't eat cake. Leave all the winter Christmas decorations up for the party. The kid is one, this party is only for the parent.

OP here. Just to take this issue off the table we both want a similarly sized 1st bday for our kid. Its cultural in my family and its an important tradition to both of us.

Then you have your answer OP.
Pay the extra $400 to have your wife do the whole thing, or you take care of the entire at home party with no help from your wife.

If you are having a huge party, $400 is a bargain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world is she throwing a huge party for the third one year olds birthday?

Have only family members or a few friends and a cake with drinks at home. No need for venue or party planning other than calculating amount of cake and drinks and maybe some nuts for people who don't eat cake. Leave all the winter Christmas decorations up for the party. The kid is one, this party is only for the parent.

OP here. Just to take this issue off the table we both want a similarly sized 1st bday for our kid. Its cultural in my family and its an important tradition to both of us.

Then you have your answer OP.
Pay the extra $400 to have your wife do the whole thing, or you take care of the entire at home party with no help from your wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she does all the planning, I am absolutely team wife. And unless the childcare you all have is full time, it doesn't help that she works part time. You have three small kids! My husband 'helps' with getting ready for parties/dinner, meaning he'll do what I ask him to do. But he expends zero mental energy on it, no planning time, etc. Clearly you have no experience with that role, either, so you really don't understand how much is riding on your wife. $400 is a bargain for her not to stress out for weeks over what should be fun, family events.

Ditto, and I would bet it's this way w/ most men. It's so odd that most CEOs are men, but they can't do a simple damn thing around the house w/o being managed or told what to do.

They can. You just do it for them, so why would they do it for themselves?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world is she throwing a huge party for the third one year olds birthday?

Have only family members or a few friends and a cake with drinks at home. No need for venue or party planning other than calculating amount of cake and drinks and maybe some nuts for people who don't eat cake. Leave all the winter Christmas decorations up for the party. The kid is one, this party is only for the parent.

OP here. Just to take this issue off the table we both want a similarly sized 1st bday for our kid. Its cultural in my family and its an important tradition to both of us.

OK, so you belong to a culture where large celebrations are important. And your wife has to bear the brunt of this? Yes, either you shell out for the hall, or you take it all off her hands. Christmas and the holidays is so much work. If you've never done the planning and hosting, and taken the lead on making everyone feel comfortable and happy under your roof, you have no idea.

Anonymous wrote:You have two options:

1) Let her do it her way for the $400. She's overwhelmed, she says that'll be easier, unless there are major budget issues, that's what happens.
2) You wanna save the money? You do it. All of it. Planning, invitations, prep, setup, cleanup. She literally doesn't think about it for one more second until the day of.

Either option is fine, but those are your two non-jerk options. You do it your way, or she does it her way.

This OP.

I'm also on team wife. My DH is borderline cheap, and he ALWAYS votes for venues for parties for our 5 year old because of the cleanup/setup.

I think you are very comfortable to afford a house to hold 40 people so do what makes you wife happy.

You have two options:

1) Let her do it her way for the $400. She's overwhelmed, she says that'll be easier, unless there are major budget issues, that's what happens.
2) You wanna save the money? You do it. All of it. Planning, invitations, prep, setup, cleanup. She literally doesn't think about it for one more second until the day of.

Either option is fine, but those are your two non-jerk options. You do it your way, or she does it her way.

Mom of 3 here. I went all out for our third’s first birthday. I hired a party planner and had the party at the house. We have a big house though.

$400 is not crazy for not wanting your house trashed. It is a pain to lug everything though. It is also hard to keep house immaculate for a house party. I had cleaners come the day before.

Why are you having a big birthday party for a one year old? Trust me, the child will not hold it against you. Do something at home with the older kids and maybe grandparents and limit the expense to a smash cake. You both need to chill out.

Anonymous wrote:If she does all the planning, I am absolutely team wife. And unless the childcare you all have is full time, it doesn't help that she works part time. You have three small kids! My husband 'helps' with getting ready for parties/dinner, meaning he'll do what I ask him to do. But he expends zero mental energy on it, no planning time, etc. Clearly you have no experience with that role, either, so you really don't understand how much is riding on your wife. $400 is a bargain for her not to stress out for weeks over what should be fun, family events.

Ditto, and I would bet it's this way w/ most men. It's so odd that most CEOs are men, but they can't do a simple damn thing around the house w/o being managed or told what to do.

It’s her last baby. Just do the venue and hire help to make it less stressful. Or rent a venue that doesn’t need much decorating. Or pick a venue that will decorate for you for a fee.

Anonymous wrote:Using your vacation days to party prep is ridiculous. You guys are going way overboard with the parties. Three massive parties (Thanksgiving, Christmas and a Birthday) in the span of two months when you want huge parties and are doing all the work yourselves and you have 3 kids - just why?

Why do that to yourself? You obviously aren't enjoying them. It is using up precious vacation days. It is expensive. It is causing tension in your home. Your wife is run ragged. You are both exhausted. Why live that way?

+1 Why don't you take off Christmas? She's needlessly running herself ragged trying to host 3 big events in 2 or 3 months so a lot of this is self-induced. She needs to pick one or two events, but no more. I say this as someone who is like your wife and whose DH will do whatever I ask him in order to help prep, but he absolutely hates how crazy I get while prepping for these events. Every year he proclaims it is the last year we're hosting. Of course, he and his friends always show up and enjoy the events, but there are always arguments and general craziness leading up to it so I see why he hates hosting.