I think someone is stealing from her too. Next year, give her a sweater.

No one sticks $700 in cash (20s and 50s) in their back jeans pocket. You would put it in your purse or bag. If it is was in the front jeans pocket, it isn't going to fall out when you pull your pants down.

I agree, probably a family member stealing from her.

Weird that she would try this after you didn't pay again the last time she "lost" the money

Give her a check.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a scam. She knows from last year that you did nothing to replace the money.

My guess is that someone in her family is stealing from her and she can’t ring herself to face it.

Why replace her? She isn’t doing anything to you. You gave her a gift and she lost it. It has nothing to do with you.

+1. Now if you replaced the money after the first time she lost the money, I would say it was a scam.

It’s not a scam. She knows from last year that you did nothing to replace the money.

My guess is that someone in her family is stealing from her and she can’t ring herself to face it.

Why replace her? She isn’t doing anything to you. You gave her a gift and she lost it. It has nothing to do with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think either way, the relationship is irreparable. You called her a liar. It doesn’t even matter whether it’s true.

I think this is true. I don't think I'd want someone watching my kids who I thought was attempting to scam me.

Op here. Yes it’s just a very complicated relationship. My kids love her as a second mother, and it will be hart to extricate ourselves. I’m trying to go for a natural transition as my youngest goes to school/daycare soon.

I’m not sure if she’s trying to scam me. I think it’s possible, but I just can’t tell.

Yes you can. You just don't want to see the truth. Of COURSE she's trying to scam you.

She’s trying to scam you, the same way her boyfriend scans her. She doesn’t want to believe her boyfriend would steal from her, and you don’t want to believe your nanny would steal from you.

In a way, you’re two peas in a pod, you’re both hopelessly devoted to the power of positive thinking.

Op here. It was $700.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny: Oh no! I misplaced the cash you gave me again this year.
You: Oh man, that sucks.

~fin~

Op here. I agree-I definitely won’t be doing anything to remedy this for her. It does infuriate me on a visceral level though, because we were extremely generous and it makes me crazy to think that money was wasted. I wish she hadn’t told me.

I hope you don't mind me asking - but how much did you give her?

We have a guy who works in our yard once a month or so. Usually we give him $150 for his work. One time he came back to the house a few days after he'd been here, to tell us he'd lost the cash - and asking if we could give it to him again. I don't think he scammed us - he seems very trustworthy - but it sure felt crppy to be asked to pay twice. We did it, and he still comes to the house once a month or so - but it feels like something has changed, at the same time.

I guess our bottom line was we were just fcking grateful that we were in a position where we could give him another $150 and it wouldn't mean no food for the week. But we're not Moneybags McGruffs, either, and aren't in a position to just hand over cash all the time.

Anyway - sorry you are in this position. I'd be very upset if I felt like someone I was trusting in my home, with my kids, was possibly scamming me - or had terrible judgment. And it must be terrible for her, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this is sort of par for the course. I mean this kindly, but a lot of poor people have drama like this. My favorite cousin has an emergency nearly every day of the year. And because of the stress of all her money/job/guy problems, she then develops health problems.

I disagree. I have employed three housekeepers who most people would consider low income and they have all been very careful with their money.

+1 Poor people very rarely "lose" money. Drama, yes. Emergencies, yes. But losing money is not normal, especially two years in a row.

You do realize that you are leaving your children with someone you believe is both stupid and a liar.... that’s really bad.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this is sort of par for the course. I mean this kindly, but a lot of poor people have drama like this. My favorite cousin has an emergency nearly every day of the year. And because of the stress of all her money/job/guy problems, she then develops health problems.

I disagree. I have employed three housekeepers who most people would consider low income and they have all been very careful with their money.

If she doesn't want to direct deposit or paypal or venmo, then the only other option (if she is staying and getting any more bonuses) is a check marked "for deposit only."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the family member stealing it and her not wanting to admit it to herself is a good guess. If you'd replaced the "lost" money the first time I'd be more inclined to think it was a scam.

I have friends who used the same cleaning lady for 4 years, and when they were out of town she brought her teenaged son with her when she came to clean. He dumped out a huge water bottle (like a water cooler bottle) of change that he found in their closet, picked out everything bigger than a dime, and put all the pennies and nickels back in. They had cameras, they watched it when they got back. She *would not believe* that he would steal from them, so they had to let her go. In the end it wasn't much money, but it was a judgment problem. Bringing him, not watching him, refusing to believe the evidence. I think it is something about parents - better to believe a fantasy (my big annual bonus is so slippery I must have dropped it again!) then the more obvious truth.

Op here. Yes I agree. She needs it to be something other than her boyfriend or kids stealing from her.

It was a lot of cash, in like $20s and $50s. Nanny tends to wear her jeans very tight. I can’t imagine how the money would fall out, and if it did, I can’t imagine how you wouldn’t see it lying on the ground. The nanny claims it must have fallen out of her jeans pocket when her jeans were like between her legs while she was peeing at the gas station. I don’t physically see how that could have actually happened given how tight her jeans are. But even if it did, wouldn’t it be devastating enough that you’d never ever ever let it happen again?

People who lie always give too many details. She's lying to you.

Love,
A profiler

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think either way, the relationship is irreparable. You called her a liar. It doesn’t even matter whether it’s true.

I think this is true. I don't think I'd want someone watching my kids who I thought was attempting to scam me.

Op here. Yes it’s just a very complicated relationship. My kids love her as a second mother, and it will be hart to extricate ourselves. I’m trying to go for a natural transition as my youngest goes to school/daycare soon.

I’m not sure if she’s trying to scam me. I think it’s possible, but I just can’t tell.

Yes you can. You just don't want to see the truth. Of COURSE she's trying to scam you.