Please stop exaggerating ... it’s not doing you any favors.

How much total do you both have saved?

OMG, 100K budget for a wedding! So much $.

OP I agree with you but I think with some effort you can have the invite list he wants but with less expense.

Seems like you 2 need to have a conversation and compromise. Communication and compromise are 2 cornerstones of a good marriage.

Do a court house wedding. There is no way you guys are going to have a successful marriage

Why not start doing some research first. You may fall in love with a venue that doesn't have room for 100. But I see you having 2 major issues

1. You have very different views on finances

2. Your whole post is my way my way my way. Not even about compromise.

"He doesn’t spend large amounts on items, but he does like nice things. I’m much more frugal and like to save."


Uh, red flag here. Sounds like this is the crux of your problem. The two of you have fundamental issues about finances and how to spend money. It's not just about the wedding costs.

If you have not already attended pre-marriage classes I suggest you do, quickly. You need to sort out how money in the marriage will be managed. You want 2 kids quickly but assume that will mean you (or he) will quit work.

What happens then? Income will be less and money problems will be more. You'll start fighting about it and statistically, could wind up eventually splitting because of it.

Might not happen right away but one day he will want Larla and Larlo to have private schooling, brand new cars in high school, go to expensive colleges, etc. and you will balk.

Number one factor in divorce? Finances.

100 people doesn’t sound like that big of a wedding to me.
If there are 20 people in your immediate family and let’s say 10 in his, then you each have your five closest friends and their dates, that gets you to 50. And you still haven’t invited a single cousin, aunt or uncle, grandparent, friend from work, etc.

Yep, big weddings, bad luck.

Tell him what they say "the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage".

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I exaggerated with the $200k but he set a 100k budget. I want to spend closer to $50k. It is mostly his money, but it will become ours once we get married. He did buy me a nice ring, but I didn’t ask for a large or expensive one ( 2 carat round pave diamond likely around $20-25k). We both make good money ( me $120k, him $200k) but I still think $100k is a waste. We will be married at a church and he wants to go big for the reception. He is talking about inviting people he barely knows that are friends of friends. He doesn’t spend large amounts on items, but he does like nice things. I’m much more frugal and like to save. We have enough money for both a wedding and a down payment, but we want two kids quickly after the wedding. It will be expensive.

$25k max. Those numbers are insane.

OP here. I exaggerated with the $200k but he set a 100k budget. I want to spend closer to $50k. It is mostly his money, but it will become ours once we get married. He did buy me a nice ring, but I didn’t ask for a large or expensive one ( 2 carat round pave diamond likely around $20-25k). We both make good money ( me $120k, him $200k) but I still think $100k is a waste. We will be married at a church and he wants to go big for the reception. He is talking about inviting people he barely knows that are friends of friends. He doesn’t spend large amounts on items, but he does like nice things. I’m much more frugal and like to save. We have enough money for both a wedding and a down payment, but we want two kids quickly after the wedding. It will be expensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

+1 This was my thought too.

Normally I'd agree, but if what he wants is a $200k wedding that's insane. If they could afford it that would be one thing, but it sounds like they haven't even bought a house yet and the money would otherwise go to that. If I were OP I'd be a little cautious about his financial priorities as they seem out of line with hers and that will lead to some stress down the road.

We had a 130 person wedding for 10K...

Save your money, get married at the courthouse and invest your money in property.

If you’re marriage survives, you find yourself at 55 and can comfortably retire because of the smart investments you made rather than blow it on a wedding, you’ll be thankful you did...

Sounds like you need to agree on a budget, not a guest count. $200k... yikes. We had about 75 guests and came in under $25k. This was in a big city so pretty expensive. Weddings come in all shapes and sizes.