When I was younger, online dating did not exist so a guy had to learn from trial and error, advice from friends typically the player type, or female friends and relatives.

This is the absolute worst source of dating advice possible. Not merely bad, but counterproductive. Never, never, never solicit (or listen to) dating advice from female friends or relatives.

Tell Your Son This.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off topicc- I'm a black woman (married) but get hit on through Wirds With Friends. Always white guys. I have to shut off the chat function. It's super creepy. I need to unlink it from Facebook with my photo somehow.

Do people actually meet that way too?

Not sure, but it happens to me all of the time too. Some men only want to play so that they can hit on me. Always white guys which are not my type at all. I'm generally not interested, so I turn the chat feature off. About half abandon the games after I don't respond.

Anonymous wrote:Black women are statistically the least likely to date outside their race (guilty as charged!). If a non-Black man is interested in a black woman, online might be a less rejection-prone way to gauge her interest.

This

AA women here. American white men's communication styles are very different than other cultures. There is less emphasis put into being direct and aggressive with dating communication.

New poster here - I realize this is three months old but it's spot on.

As a white American man with experience on five continents, it is my observation that Americans (men and women both) do not share common, well understood courtship rituals that are prevalent in other societies. There's a lot of harping in this thread about (presumably) American men who lack social skills and the ability to "read" others.

The problem cuts two ways. Yes, sometimes American men are clumsy and clueless. However, American women often engage in signaling behavior that invites an approach which they then shut down. I haven't figured out whether American women do this purposefully or if they lack the self awareness to realize they're doing it. I think the latter is very common, particularly in the work place.

Korean, Brazilian and Italian women do not signal men unless they mean it. I have never got shut down for a coffee date in countries like this, only in the U.S. (and it is very common).

Less anyone think I'm picking on women, I'm not. How many times have we heard American women say, "Gosh, men are so STUPID!!" Well, we are. In America.

Japanese, Mexican and French women do not say this about men. At least not in the context of basic courtship. Men in those countries understand and interpret signaling behavior very clearly. (Harassment belongs in its own thread, not here, that is not courtship behavior).

So you may now commence telling me I'm wrong...

“Dream on white boy. Dream on black girl.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

It's sad when men are so socially inept from laziness, entitlement, and watching copious amounts of porn that they don't know how to talk to women without being creeps.

*fixed that for you

+1

I am a white man with a black woman. I was direct in my approach, telling her I was attracted to her physically and felt like I could talk honestly with her. I'm not really sure why I felt those things with her. The relationship progressed, going from mostly physical to emotional and physical. I like her because she's smart, though she doesn't act like she's smart, and laughs a lot.
I seriously don't mean to minimize color. I understand that it always matters. When strong feelings of attraction take over, they seem to push differences like skin color aside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

It's sad when men are so socially inept from laziness, entitlement, and watching copious amounts of porn that they don't know how to talk to women without being creeps.

*fixed that for you

I don’t know if it’s all laziness or porn. When I was younger, online dating did not exist so a guy had to learn from trial and error, advice from friends typically the player type, or female friends and relatives. I was on the shy-introverted side so approaching women never came easy to me. If online dating existed when I was younger, I probably would never have approached any women IRL. With so many options online I doubt I would have subjected myself to anxiety of approaching women IRL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

There is a subset of women who think a man they don't know approaching them ANYWHERE is "creepy." You'll see various threads on this site where women describe being approached at the work (don't shi*t where you eat), gym, grocery store, their children's school, etc. as "creepy." It's hard to know a priori if a woman falls into this camp, so many guys prefer approaching online to avoid being labeled a "creep."

This is simply not true and you know it.

I’m the poster who wrote “a subset of women think strange men approaching them anywhere is creepy.” I do think some women feel this way. This is probably more so with younger women who grew up with social media and online dating. There was even 1 or 2 women on this thread stating they prefer to be approached online. I came of age before online dating was a thing so women seemed less quick to label men creeps. On the other hand they put up with a lot more of what we would consider harassment today.

DP. Woman here and agree with you. If definitely seems to a trait of younger women and the social media set as well as the fact that men don’t seem skilled at approaching women IRL. Which also a downstream of social media and online dating.They seem to think any initial approach of a man expressing interest is creepy. I find it very odd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

There is a subset of women who think a man they don't know approaching them ANYWHERE is "creepy." You'll see various threads on this site where women describe being approached at the work (don't shi*t where you eat), gym, grocery store, their children's school, etc. as "creepy." It's hard to know a priori if a woman falls into this camp, so many guys prefer approaching online to avoid being labeled a "creep."

This is simply not true and you know it.

I’m the poster who wrote “a subset of women think strange men approaching them anywhere is creepy.” I do think some women feel this way. This is probably more so with younger women who grew up with social media and online dating. There was even 1 or 2 women on this thread stating they prefer to be approached online. I came of age before online dating was a thing so women seemed less quick to label men creeps. On the other hand they put up with a lot more of what we would consider harassment today.

Black woman here with White fiancé. He approached me and expressed interest after we were acquaintances for over a year, so different situation. When he did express interest, it was in the least aggressive way possible (we’d had a great time hanging out one day and he said “I think I like you, and if you’re OK with it, I’d like to get to know you better if you’re comfortable with that”). That put the ball in my court and was the best possible way to ask me that.

I asked him and he also just confirmed that he hadn’t approached anyone in real life before me (was in a LTR before that didn’t work out, and had met her online). He said what a PP wrote, the dating apps give women more space to decide whether they are interested in return. The funny thing is, I didn’t really consider interracial dating before him, and neither did he, so we would have automatically filtered each other out online.

I did find it to be true that while I was in the dating world, white guys never approached me (minus drunk frat boys in college).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

It's sad when men are so socially inept from laziness, entitlement, and watching copious amounts of porn that they don't know how to talk to women without being creeps.

*fixed that for you

You are pretty clueless. It’s all depends on how attractive you find the man. It just show the shallowness and entitlement of white women.

Courting a mate is a skill that is not taught anymore. Gaging interest is the first step in the process.

Dating shouldn't be like applying for a job online.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

There is a subset of women who think a man they don't know approaching them ANYWHERE is "creepy." You'll see various threads on this site where women describe being approached at the work (don't shi*t where you eat), gym, grocery store, their children's school, etc. as "creepy." It's hard to know a priori if a woman falls into this camp, so many guys prefer approaching online to avoid being labeled a "creep."

This is simply not true and you know it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White guys don't approach anyone in real life.

This.

White guy here and I’d partially agree with this. There’s a constant drumbeat of stories about women being put in uncomfortable situations by men who are interested in them. Honestly, dating apps give them the distance to not have to respond or feel threatened, or, to be interested. I get a charge out of introducing myself, talking to and learning about someone that I think is attractive, but it’s not always the same experience for them.

That is sad men feel like they can't even approach women anymore

It's sad when men are so socially inept from laziness, entitlement, and watching copious amounts of porn that they don't know how to talk to women without being creeps.

*fixed that for you