You did it to yourself sister.

-happy parent of an only

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with this. I also think that the sleep deprivation that goes along with having babies can REALLY skew your perception of how easy or hard it is, and I think parents of older kids are very quick to forget just how awful sleep deprivation is. I'm only barely out of that stage (youngest is 2, oldest is 6) and even I have already forgotten the true misery of sleep deprivation - I just remember that I felt unhappy, but not actually what it felt like.

That is a very real reason why DD is an only. There is a reason sleep deprivation is considered torture.

I ended up in therapy when my youngest was around 5 months old and every single week I would go sob on my therapist's couch, and every single week she would tell me that once I could sleep again I would feel better. She was right. Once my youngest got down to one wakup/night I stopped therapy.

I felt like a zombie, like a shell of my former self. I couldn't cope with minor setbacks, I couldn't find happiness in my day to day, I felt physically ill and nauseated all of the time. I injured myself a few times, I snapped at my husband, my boss, my kids. I cried ALL THE TIME. I remember the tunnel vision most vividly, [b]I would be trying to read something at work and the whole world would just start collapsing in on me. It was truly and honestly the worst 6 months of my life and when people with older kids tell me it's harder for them now I feel rage.

And this is why other countries have maternity leave that lasts 6 months and longer!
Not this country, though. Shame.

I found that with my oldest (almost 3), the baby stage seriously felt like it lasted FOREVER. Baby #2 (13 months) - it's like I blinked and she's running around, saying words and playing with her older sibling. It really flew by.

I absolutely get the occasional pang of sadness that I will never get to experience the joy and excitement of a new pregnancy / baby, and I miss the sweetness of my kids as tiny babies. But overall I'm glad to be putting these years behind me. And when I see pregnant women or women with new babies, all I feel is relief that it's not me, and that I never have to do that sh*t again. I know some women enjoy pregnancy and love the baby stage, but I'll take the toddler over that anytime.

Hang in there, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with this. I also think that the sleep deprivation that goes along with having babies can REALLY skew your perception of how easy or hard it is, and I think parents of older kids are very quick to forget just how awful sleep deprivation is. I'm only barely out of that stage (youngest is 2, oldest is 6) and even I have already forgotten the true misery of sleep deprivation - I just remember that I felt unhappy, but not actually what it felt like.

That is a very real reason why DD is an only. There is a reason sleep deprivation is considered torture.

Yup. One of the reasons mine's an only too.

I think it feels so long because you do the exact same thing every single day. The monotony of it all really gets to you. I wake up to a screaming baby every morning, comfort him then it's time to start the day. And at night it's the same. Cook, try to get the kids to eat, then clean. It drives you crazy. The special moments go so fast and the drudgery is endless. I really, really wish I could slow the special time down. I already miss the baby stage dearly. I kiss my youngest's cheeks and they still feel like baby skin, but my 3 year old no longer has that baby skin feeling.

But yeah, sleep deprivation is SO REAL. My #1 goal was to get my kids sttn by 12 weeks. It worked both times, but my youngest was sooooooo much harder. And even now, every time we travel he gets set back. I seriously don't know how women cope being sleep deprived for years. My best friend says every night both her 1 and 3 year old climb into bed and kick them all night long.

I am so tired of random people telling me to savor my time with my 4 year old and my 1 year old because they will grow up so fast. Meanwhile, I haven’t slept past 4:30 AM in months and I feel like my brain is dying from sleep deprivation. Yes the baby snuggles are wonderful but so much of my day is so awful because of the lack of sleep. I think we are biologically programmed to forget just how hard the early days are so that we have more children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with this. I also think that the sleep deprivation that goes along with having babies can REALLY skew your perception of how easy or hard it is, and I think parents of older kids are very quick to forget just how awful sleep deprivation is. I'm only barely out of that stage (youngest is 2, oldest is 6) and even I have already forgotten the true misery of sleep deprivation - I just remember that I felt unhappy, but not actually what it felt like.

That is a very real reason why DD is an only. There is a reason sleep deprivation is considered torture.

I have three in middle and high school now. I remember waking up one day when the youngest was around 4 and realizing that, for the first time in a LOOONNG time, my eyes didn't hurt. They actually felt somewhat rested! It was a strange feeling and I think it took me years to make up the sleep deprivation.

As for the main theme of this thread, I am certainly in the golden years now and am trying to savor it all. Our oldest will be a senior next year and I can feel that train coming at me hard. Just thinking about him being gone makes me tear up a bit. Still, I remember those long, long days of toddlerhood/babyhood - back when I called my mom, crying that parenthood was the hardest, most boring job ever. Those days have a golden tinge to them now, but I will never forget how hard they were.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with this. I also think that the sleep deprivation that goes along with having babies can REALLY skew your perception of how easy or hard it is, and I think parents of older kids are very quick to forget just how awful sleep deprivation is. I'm only barely out of that stage (youngest is 2, oldest is 6) and even I have already forgotten the true misery of sleep deprivation - I just remember that I felt unhappy, but not actually what it felt like.

That is a very real reason why DD is an only. There is a reason sleep deprivation is considered torture.

I ended up in therapy when my youngest was around 5 months old and every single week I would go sob on my therapist's couch, and every single week she would tell me that once I could sleep again I would feel better. She was right. Once my youngest got down to one wakup/night I stopped therapy.

I felt like a zombie, like a shell of my former self. I couldn't cope with minor setbacks, I couldn't find happiness in my day to day, I felt physically ill and nauseated all of the time. I injured myself a few times, I snapped at my husband, my boss, my kids. I cried ALL THE TIME. I remember the tunnel vision most vividly, I would be trying to read something at work and the whole world would just start collapsing in on me. It was truly and honestly the worst 6 months of my life and when people with older kids tell me it's harder for them now I feel rage.

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with this. I also think that the sleep deprivation that goes along with having babies can REALLY skew your perception of how easy or hard it is, and I think parents of older kids are very quick to forget just how awful sleep deprivation is. I'm only barely out of that stage (youngest is 2, oldest is 6) and even I have already forgotten the true misery of sleep deprivation - I just remember that I felt unhappy, but not actually what it felt like.

That is a very real reason why DD is an only. There is a reason sleep deprivation is considered torture.

I feel tremendous guilt about looking forward to when DD is older and more independent. I love reading to her, and I dread the day she reads on her own and no longer needs me to do it. Those snuggles with her while we read a book are the best part of my day.

I guess I just feel tremendous guilt about everything and not being a better parent.

Anonymous wrote:There are people who always think the stage they are in is the hardest. I find it very condescending when people tell parents of babies how easy they have it. I have a tween and an 8-year old. They can be frustrating at time but also very fun. I miss babies, but I also appreciate that my life is much easier in many ways.

I think of it the same way I think of all stages in my life. Sure, I loved the freedom of my 20s but I don't want to go back and re-live it. I accept the positive aspects of my 40s.

I agree with this. I also think that the sleep deprivation that goes along with having babies can REALLY skew your perception of how easy or hard it is, and I think parents of older kids are very quick to forget just how awful sleep deprivation is. I'm only barely out of that stage (youngest is 2, oldest is 6) and even I have already forgotten the true misery of sleep deprivation - I just remember that I felt unhappy, but not actually what it felt like.

The days when they REALLY need you are the most physically exhausting - ages birth to 10. The ages when they want NOTHING to do with you - ages 12-17 are the most mentally exhausting. None of it is easy but if they turn out all right it is very gratifying.

I also have three (8, 6, 3.5), and the best advice I've received from a friend whose kids are grown is to pace yourself. It's hard all the way through, albeit in different ways and with different kids. Holding onto those words has helped me prioritize taking care of myself and not sweating the small stuff at this age. Three is great, and it's a lot. Don't neglect your health, and don't feel like you have to compete with others. Breathe. Hang in there.

It is very hard but I am starting to find the joy in it all. My children are 5, 2 and 1. I don't take nearly as much time for myself as I'd like but one day I will get back in the groove. I don't see it getting any easier as they get older. My anxiety has just gotten worse with each child.