I have been in the midst of health issues before--and not the kind I want to talk about with everyone. One had unpredictable results, and I often had to cancel with short notice. Something could be going on in her life that has her strapped. I would not assume she is a jerk.

For friends who powered through and were patient with me, I am quite grateful.

And the meltdown example someone gave is another reason. I have missed events due to my child's crying and meltdowns, and I did not always want to share child's business with people I didn't know well.

Some of this has led me to accept fewer invitations.

I guess if people think I am a jerk for missing one event, they can.

Sounds like some of you have lives that result in you never making a mistake. You are most fortunate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I don’t forget all of the time. Maybe 1/20 parties.
But I just start going about my normal stuff for the day, and I forget. The irony is that it isn’t usually when we are super busy. Then I normally schedule carpools way in advance and have the day all planned in advance. It’s when there is nothing else going on, and I’m like, “Let’s go to the zoo!” And I forget all about the party.

Totally ridiculous. Do you have a job? How do you function in society? It’s not that hard to keep appointments.

Yes. I have a job. Thank goodness it’s pretty predictable!

I have a job where people make appointments to meet with me. LOTS of people no-show with no explanation. Way more frequently than RSVPing yes to a kid’s party and not showing up.

Social worker?

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I once put my H in charge of the calendar for 3 months and we missed a whole bunch of stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I don’t forget all of the time. Maybe 1/20 parties.
But I just start going about my normal stuff for the day, and I forget. The irony is that it isn’t usually when we are super busy. Then I normally schedule carpools way in advance and have the day all planned in advance. It’s when there is nothing else going on, and I’m like, “Let’s go to the zoo!” And I forget all about the party.

Totally ridiculous. Do you have a job? How do you function in society? It’s not that hard to keep appointments.

Yes. I have a job. Thank goodness it’s pretty predictable!

I have a job where people make appointments to meet with me. LOTS of people no-show with no explanation. Way more frequently than RSVPing yes to a kid’s party and not showing up.

I have 4 kids, about 20 kids in each of their classes. That’s roughly 80 parties a year. We do our best to go when we said we would but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Like sometimes my kid will have a meltdown and refuse to leave the house. I usually send an email to the host.

I totally forgot about a party once. No good reason, just completely spaced out. Didn't remember until the mom contacted me the next day. I felt terrible. Apologized to her (and to my own kid who was sad to have missed it).

NP here. People forget stuff, stuff happens and they cannot make it. Its the not apologizing for not showing up that bothers me.

Where have manners gone? When you forget something, reach to the person who graciously invited you and just say "Sorry Larla was unable to make it to Larlo's party due to unforeseeable circumstances. Hope Larlo had fun!"

We've had no shows at our parties too. We just ignore it and think they are the ones who missed a good party. Our kid had fun with the friends who did attend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I don’t forget all of the time. Maybe 1/20 parties.
But I just start going about my normal stuff for the day, and I forget. The irony is that it isn’t usually when we are super busy. Then I normally schedule carpools way in advance and have the day all planned in advance. It’s when there is nothing else going on, and I’m like, “Let’s go to the zoo!” And I forget all about the party.

Totally ridiculous. Do you have a job? How do you function in society? It’s not that hard to keep appointments.

Yes. I have a job. Thank goodness it’s pretty predictable!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I don’t forget all of the time. Maybe 1/20 parties.
But I just start going about my normal stuff for the day, and I forget. The irony is that it isn’t usually when we are super busy. Then I normally schedule carpools way in advance and have the day all planned in advance. It’s when there is nothing else going on, and I’m like, “Let’s go to the zoo!” And I forget all about the party.

Totally ridiculous. Do you have a job? How do you function in society? It’s not that hard to keep appointments.

We had 2 families no-show yesterday. One family texted that they all were diagnosed with strep on Friday afternoon, the other family just forgot in the chaos of having out of town guests. The ones that forgot felt awful and stopped by with a gift that afternoon. The guest receipt indicates they bought the gift a week in advance so it wasn’t some last minute thing.

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I don’t forget all of the time. Maybe 1/20 parties.
But I just start going about my normal stuff for the day, and I forget. The irony is that it isn’t usually when we are super busy. Then I normally schedule carpools way in advance and have the day all planned in advance. It’s when there is nothing else going on, and I’m like, “Let’s go to the zoo!” And I forget all about the party.

I did this one time a couple years ago because our bathroom flooded in our rental home and I had lost the paper invite. I felt bad about it but didn’t know the family at all beyond them being a classmate so wasn’t sure how to reach out to them since they weren’t in the school directory. I had RSVP’d by phone so far ahead that the number was no longer in my recent list but if this person texted a few days ago then I’m not sure, maybe there was another emergency.

I actually have never done this before, but it's happened to both my kids. Honestly, if it's a very close friend I would have reached out during the party time to check in, likely out of genuine concern and wanting to know if said friend was okay. But since this hasn't been the case...I have not made a thing out of it. Particularly if my DC has a great, fun time and does not ask "where is X?"

The parents who have RSVPed yes and then no-showed have never offered me an explanation and I have never felt entitled to one.

Day of my DD8's party this past October, I had a parent call another parent to pass along to me that her daughter wasn't coming. No reason given. I guess that's fine, but I thought it was weird not to just text me direct. I assumed they just didn't want to come, forgot to get a gift, whatever. Not a close friend, just a classmate, so DD couldn't have cared less.

People who are straight up no shows are being super rude. Unless there's a real reason (e.g., sick kid, emergency), you get your butt to a kids birthday party if you RSVPed yes. You never know if they only had three kids coming for starters, and then yours didn't show. I've seen that happen and it's a real bummer. Plus, they've paid for a venue with your kid in the head count. The people who were planning to come and had an emergency or real excuse will say so. People who don't show and then ghost never really thought the party was that important.

Everyone got sick or got a stomach virus and she forgot. Some sort of family crisis and she forgot. Fender bender and she is embarrassed. Not everything is a slight, sometimes life happens and does not revolve around social events.