Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

You need to explain to her that sugar causes cancer tumors to grow. And get her to transition out of complex sugars via natural sugars like fruit into a non-sugar diet. Its just SO bad for you, worse than anorexia.

If this was my daughter, I'd be talking to the pediatrician. Maybe there's nothing to be worried about, many young teens are extremely skinny until they hit college or so. And she's a dancer. But I'd still be worried. Talk to the doctor.

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

This sort of sounds like an eating disorder to me. Even if it doesn’t develop into anorexia or bulimia, she’s developing an unhealthy cycle of restriction and binging. The sugar thing is pretty typical- people restrict themselves, give in and eat “bad” food, feel guilty, go overboard binging, then start restricting again. There’s a great nutritionist on YouTube I like called “Abbey’s Kitchen”, she talks a lot about this style of disordered eating.

Personally I’d lay off of bugging her about the sugar. That just contributes to the restriction-guilt-binge cycle.

Anonymous wrote:
A decade or two ago, a tween or teen that size wouldn't be "quite thin".

Dance may be a problem but her size alone isn't.

But fasting is, don't you agree?

Why does a 14 year old girl (who dances 2 hours daily) want to fast at all? And count calories?

Is she using intermittent fasting as some kind of medical treatment for an illness OP hasn't told us about? I doubt that.

Why do young teen girls decide they need to fast?

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

I'm the "always worried about anorexia poster" from earlier.

My thoughts here:

age 14, 5'7" and 108 pounds = 15th%ile BMI for her age. Thin but not necessarily too thin if that has always been her normal.

I'd get ahold of her height and weight from past years going back to age 2 or 4 and just see to be sure.

- there's no need for a 14 year old child to be counting calories and weighing herself daily. That's a huge red flag. Especially as she is quite thin. It's not like she's overweight and everyone is telling her she needs to watch her weight, right? So why is she doing this?

- gained 13 pounds in 1.5 years -- that's good. She might have been expected to gain more though as those are peak growing and gaining years for girls.. ages 12-14.

- no reason for her to be fasting. Why would a 14 year old girl need to fast? What is her rationale for that?

-dancing is a sport where eating disorders are not unknown. I would keep a careful eye on her, get ahold of her past height and weight records from her doctor, and talk to her about why she is fasting and counting calories. Then I'd make an appointment with her pediatrician for a weight check and to discuss the things you mention here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

108 at 5'7" is quite thin. Some teen girls are naturally that size, so her weight in itself doesn't concern me, but everything else in your post is just a sea of red flags! Your very thin daughter weighs herself every day! She diets regularly while burning a large amount of calories through dance! She may be eating so much sugar because she isn't getting enough calories overall and suddenly finds herself starving. And you are hassling her about the calories she does consume when she is very thin and restricting! I really encourage you to follow up with a professional who can help you and your daughter through all this.

A decade or two ago, a tween or teen that size wouldn't be "quite thin".

Dance may be a problem but her size alone isn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

108 at 5'7" is quite thin. Some teen girls are naturally that size, so her weight in itself doesn't concern me, but everything else in your post is just a sea of red flags! Your very thin daughter weighs herself every day! She diets regularly while burning a large amount of calories through dance! She may be eating so much sugar because she isn't getting enough calories overall and suddenly finds herself starving. And you are hassling her about the calories she does consume when she is very thin and restricting! I really encourage you to follow up with a professional who can help you and your daughter through all this.

+1

OP, your daughter is very thin, involved in an activity where extreme thinness is prized, and she’s apparently routinely “fasting.” She’s also engaging in body checking that is inappropriate given her age and weight. There’s a problem here!

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

108 at 5'7" is quite thin. Some teen girls are naturally that size, so her weight in itself doesn't concern me, but everything else in your post is just a sea of red flags! Your very thin daughter weighs herself every day! She diets regularly while burning a large amount of calories through dance! She may be eating so much sugar because she isn't getting enough calories overall and suddenly finds herself starving. And you are hassling her about the calories she does consume when she is very thin and restricting! I really encourage you to follow up with a professional who can help you and your daughter through all this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

Does she disappear to her room or out the door after eating?

No, not at all.

Anonymous wrote:OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

Does she disappear to her room or out the door after eating?

OP here-- to specify the things I've noticed: DD will cut and count calories for a week or so, and then eat normally for awhile, weighs herself daily, and dances at least 2 hours a day. This has been going on for about a year and a half or so, and she's actually gained 13 pounds over that time. So she's at a healthy weight and height but seems to be flickering between healthy eating habits and "fasting." She does eat a TON of sugar imo, which I constantly bug her about. It's not like she doesn't eat because I see her eat.

Anonymous wrote:

Sure, I agree. But, my reply was well meaning and look at her reply to me. I laid myself bare saying I do the same bcs of my ds. I admitted I do the same for anxiety and need to stop. And what was her reply? We have it and all we know have it and I am not projecting. That was defensive and she knows somewhere that I hit on something. If you read my post above, it was not rude nor did it require her to be so defensive. I stand by what I said. People who can't accept a different point of view are usually the cause of issues. I accepted that I could have caused some of my ds's anxiety and I am mindful not to cause more and project onto other people my issues.

Sorry -- I was on my way out of the house for a funeral of a dear friend when I stopped to write my reply to you, and it came out curt. I didn't realize you had laid yourself bare about your child's anxiety disorder and that you see anxiety in others now all the time because of your child's illness.

I think the difference between our situations though is my knowledge that there is a time issue in recognizing and treating eating disorders. Truly, the earlier you can treat it, the greater the chances of successful treatment. I'm not sure the same is true with anxiety disorder. If you wait 6 months to treat, are the outcomes worse?

Also I am mindful of the fact that of all the mental health disorders, untreated anorexia has the highest fatality rate. Once it gets entrenched therefore it is a very very dangerous illness.

Anyhow, OP as far as I know has not come back to give any more information about his or her child, and I only meant to share my general knowledge and concerns, not to attempt to diagnose a child based only on height and weight! As I said in my initial response -- there is a wide range of normal in terms of weight and growth. I've known of kids at the 4th percentile for age BMI . (i.e that's VERY skinny!) who had just always been at that percentile all their lives and it was totally normal for them. But there are kids who are at the 60th percentile for age BMI where that was an aberration and it was actually NOT normal. So what's important is whether it's a change from your usual pattern. And if you are noticing unusual eating habits -- just pay attention and don't be afraid to intervene if you think something is wrong.

And ignore completely anyone who says parents cause eating disorders. It is normal for a child to eat and grow and gain weight. If for any reason you think your child isn't doing these things, it is normal to be concerned about it and to investigate, and to take action by visiting a medical specialist.

Anonymous wrote:
Given what you just wrote, it sounds to me you and your family and friends are toxic parents who caused this. What is the chance of all these kids in one family and among your friends (like minded people likely) going through the same thing? If I were you, I would take a good look in the mirror. It is almost always the parents that cause most issues in kids.

The chances of a friend confiding in me that her child has an eating disorder are high, because I was pretty open about what I was going through with my own child with my closest friends, and also I reach out to parents I know who express initial concerns about their own kids, and share our experience. As a result those parents feel comfortable telling me their child's diagnosis.

I think most parents of teens know one or two people, at least, who are dealing with anorexia. Someone (you?) posted that the incidence of anorexia was around 3.8% ? Not sure that is accurate but if it is, out of every hundred people you know about 4 percent of them would be familiar with anorexia. That's not that rare. 5% would be one out of 20 people....I know a lot of people. So knowing 4 people with anorexia (actually I have a fifth friend in another country I just remembered who has a daughter who has it) is really not that surprising at all.

It is not an illness that most people feel comfortable sharing with their friends, precisely because of the attitude you mentioned about. There is an outdated idea that bad, controlling parents *cause* anorexia. This idea is as damaging as the outdated idea that refrigerator mothers cause autism. So it's probably like when you have a miscarriage and all of a sudden you learn of everyone who has had a miscarriage -- you had no idea until you started sharing with others as it just isn't something most people talk about.

Anonymous wrote:Just jumping in to say that there is a strong genetic component to eating disorders.

Parents can pass down genes, but parenting styles do not cause eating disorders.

NP. Parents and the family environment certainly can cause eating disorders. This includes a genetic predisposition as well as a stressful home environment.

We have several pps that poste here that their parents caused them eating disorders! They might not be reading this thread, but they are on dcum. My SIL and BIL caused my niece an eating disorder. 100%. SIL acknowledge this as did their family therapist, as did now adult niece. She had bulimia and anorexia, and is obese. Parenting styles cause emotional disorders that cause eating disorders. I am so tired of stupid people. You know that thing about your kid is hitting another kid bcs he saw it from you? Not ALWAYS true, but mostly true. I have no doubt that one pp caused her dd's everything. Probably yelled at her for getting a B in math!