Anonymous wrote:My MIL is nearby but her idea of spending time with a child is either

a) doesn't know what to do with the child - she raised her kids by telling them to go play outside. So she puts the child in front of TV for hours

b) drag the child around to run all her errands - go the post office, go to Walrmart and change her tires, stop by the church, even go to the courthouse. It's like a freaking world tour.

No, thanks, I can watch my child myself.

Eh, the world tour is a misery every child should experience. It builds patience, and character.

My MIL is nearby but her idea of spending time with a child is either

a) doesn't know what to do with the child - she raised her kids by telling them to go play outside. So she puts the child in front of TV for hours

b) drag the child around to run all her errands - go the post office, go to Walrmart and change her tires, stop by the church, even go to the courthouse. It's like a freaking world tour.

No, thanks, I can watch my child myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .

That is what you are supposed to do because you are family. The care of your elderly parents is still your responsibility as is the care of your kids. You think the neighbors should look after your parents?

On DCUM grandparents are supposed to be free child care, maids, cooks, chauffeurs for their grandchildren but the parents owe them nothing,!

LOL you keep replying in this thread to literally nobody. Is this some personal chip on your shoulder that you have? Nobody is saying this and yet you won't stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .

That is what you are supposed to do because you are family. The care of your elderly parents is still your responsibility as is the care of your kids. You think the neighbors should look after your parents?

On DCUM grandparents are supposed to be free child care, maids, cooks, chauffeurs for their grandchildren but the parents owe them nothing,!

Go away troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .

That is what you are supposed to do because you are family. The care of your elderly parents is still your responsibility as is the care of your kids. You think the neighbors should look after your parents?

On DCUM grandparents are supposed to be free child care, maids, cooks, chauffeurs for their grandchildren but the parents owe them nothing,!

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .

That is what you are supposed to do because you are family. The care of your elderly parents is still your responsibility as is the care of your kids. You think the neighbors should look after your parents?

My parents live in our neighborhood and it is a dream. They are so helpful, my kids are really close to them, and we can call them in a pinch. The only trade off is that we have to consciously schedule fun dinners and things like that with my parents because we see them all the time. It’s easy to fall into the habit of only seeing them for childcare and not spending quality adult time with them. As they are aging, we are getting more and helpful to them. My husband knows their lawn, and we just went over there to help clean up a flooded basement. I think they love having us close by too. We feel lucky!

Yep. I only have my MIL and thank God for her!

DHs family would move in next door to us and do this in a minute. But it’d come with unbelievable spoiling of our kids (their little princes) and no boundaries for any time that didn’t include them. They would be so offended to not be included in every family outting, every bbq with our friends, anytime my parents came to visit etc. and so it’s not worth the tradeoff to me - I wish we could find a happy medium so we could all get the benefits of closeness without so many strings (and endless high priced presents for the kids) attached

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .

Keep in mind that some of us do these things for our local family with very little of the benefit for us. We get babysitting maybe four times a year, and that’s pretty much it. When my mom had cancer, I took her to many appointments, managed the aftercare for being in the hospital, etc., despite having a full-time job and a local sibling who did nothing.

I think the other thing that people forget is how much financial help it can be. Free childcare is one extreme, but there’s the dinners out, gifts, paying for trips, etc., that really adds up. We have SO many friends whose parents pay for family trips, will spot them a few hundred in cash just because, etc. It’s mind-blowing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So jealous. My mom is deceased, Dad lives out of town and isn’t helpful. Inlaws are local and friendly enough but not interested in kids.

I know people with TWO sets of helpful grandparents!

Are you suggesting thatnshe died just to spite you and not be your maid, babysitter? Your in-laws reared their children and you should rear yours. They owe you nothing!

You seem... charming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even when your kids are in HS, it's really wonderful for them to know their grandparents and be able to see them for more frequent and shorter visits. My parents are in California and we don't get to see them very often. When we do go, the visits can actually be more stressful because we all have such high expectations. OTOH, my husband's parents are 20 minutes away, so we see them often -- they can catch a game of meet for one of the kids or meet us for an impromptu dinner -- and the stakes don't feel as high. If somebody's feeling tired or needs to cut out early to do HW, we can do that without causing hurt feelings or disappointment. DH and I have actually discussed moving to be near our kids when they start families of their own.

What would you do if one kid lived in Seattle and the other kid in Miami? And both started having kids of their own around the same time?

As someone who has grown kids, one newly married-the answer is I Don't Know! I mean I guess I'd be more likely to move near my daughter, assuming she'd need my help as a mom, and that son's (he's not married) wife would have her own mom or family.

But really, I just hope the kids all stay nearby!

How sad for your son you will not support him but will your daughter. I hope your daughter is the one going to take care of you in your old age.

I didn't say I would not support him. I'm saying I assume that his wife want her own mom/family to be more involved. I don't want to be 'that' MIL who takes over.

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .

And, so you should. You want them to do everything for you but bring up how much you go for them!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even when your kids are in HS, it's really wonderful for them to know their grandparents and be able to see them for more frequent and shorter visits. My parents are in California and we don't get to see them very often. When we do go, the visits can actually be more stressful because we all have such high expectations. OTOH, my husband's parents are 20 minutes away, so we see them often -- they can catch a game of meet for one of the kids or meet us for an impromptu dinner -- and the stakes don't feel as high. If somebody's feeling tired or needs to cut out early to do HW, we can do that without causing hurt feelings or disappointment. DH and I have actually discussed moving to be near our kids when they start families of their own.

What would you do if one kid lived in Seattle and the other kid in Miami? And both started having kids of their own around the same time?

As someone who has grown kids, one newly married-the answer is I Don't Know! I mean I guess I'd be more likely to move near my daughter, assuming she'd need my help as a mom, and that son's (he's not married) wife would have her own mom or family.

But really, I just hope the kids all stay nearby!

How sad for your son you will not support him but will your daughter. I hope your daughter is the one going to take care of you in your old age.

It's common that mothers feel more comfortable staying at their daughter's home than their son's and that this relationship also affects the relationship with the grandchildren. There are several studies related to this, quick google search shows this article: https://www.verywellfamily.com/maternal-vs-paternal-grandparents-1695874.

My husband's family is very close, and it's wonderful, but most of the time it's very much a two way street. They'll keep the kids so we can have a date night, and DH will go and clean their gutters or change the oil on their car Right now, because one of our kids is very ill, they're helping us more than we're helping them, but there have been other seasons that have been different. About 2 years ago, one of them had a major surgery, and DH and I spent nights at the hospital, took them to every follow up appointment, brought them meals, etc. . . .