A parent was telling a story on how a coach told their kid that he has the power to ruin their future in soccer. All it takes is a phone call to the colleges they want and the clubs around them.

Anonymous wrote:1. Of your player gets benched, there’s probably a reason behind it.

2. If it’s a long term thing and you get no clarity which clearly isn’t cool, then leave. There’s no shortage of clubs and teams.

“Benching” on its own isn’t bullying, but it could be a byproduct of it. The only place where you are guaranteed playing time is in Rec.

Part of the problem too is that the culture is soft. Deluded parents whose child can do no wrong are bullies, everything is the coach/teammates’ fault. If their kids are disciplined, it’s bullying or personal. I don’t think so.

Such a typical American response. I'm not talking about kids who are doing something wrong. More often than not, it is the kids who show up 5 minutes before the game or the kids who miss practice who don't get benched because they are the stronger players. The ones with something to prove are always early. I also have no problem with unequal playing time on a competitive team. However, particularly at younger ages, which I would say probably go up to U15, if you accepted money from the parents, put the kid on the team, and the kids is working hard in practice, has a good attitude, and is doing what is asked of him, that kid should get some playing time. Sorry, it is not soft to say that it is unacceptable for a coach of a non-DA or ECNL team to make a kid travel 2 hours to a game and then not give him one minute of playing time. If a kid is so far from the level of the team that there is no way he can safely play in the game, he shouldn't be on the team.

That's exactly what is wrong with soccer in this country. How is that smaller and slower kid who hasn't hit puberty going to get better if he never plays? He has to try to work on his own and find other opportunities, but that is difficult when 5 hours of each day of your weekend is spend on games. Your philosophy is why there is a relative age effect and why so many late bloomers leave the sport entirely. Trust me, even mentally tough kids with reasonable parents end up less motivated and discouraged when they work as hard as they can but can't get in games. In most clubs, it is more important to win playing the man-child who runs through everyone than to give a smaller, slower kid who is more technical a few minutes on the field.

1. Of your player gets benched, there’s probably a reason behind it.

2. If it’s a long term thing and you get no clarity which clearly isn’t cool, then leave. There’s no shortage of clubs and teams.

“Benching” on its own isn’t bullying, but it could be a byproduct of it. The only place where you are guaranteed playing time is in Rec.

Part of the problem too is that the culture is soft. Deluded parents whose child can do no wrong are bullies, everything is the coach/teammates’ fault. If their kids are disciplined, it’s bullying or personal. I don’t think so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clubs and coaches need to have a NO Bullying policy. This policy should be players towards other players and coaches towards players. Abusive behavior from players or coaches are not tolerated at schools of every level and should not be tolerated in soccer at every level.

Abusive behavior Bullying behaviors include intimidation (using yelling and threats to scare into obedience), insulting (name calling to demean appearance, toughness, or worth), ridicule (making fun of bad play or lack of skill), humiliation (singling out a player for public embarrassment or blame), and benching (refusing to let a student play.)

The impact of these kinds of actions on adolescent age players can be performance anxiety about making mistakes, hesitant play because of unsure decision-making, loss of confidence one's capacity to perform, believing mistreatment is deserved, losing enjoyment of the sport one once enjoyed, even quitting the sport to avoid any coaching at all.

Benching is bullying? Yeah... stick to rec.

In certain contexts, it is. Kids need to understand why they are on the bench and unable to get into a game and what they need to do to get off the bench. If kids sit on the bench, get no playing time ,and the coach acts as if they don't exist, I consider that bullying. The coach's job is to communicate with each player. If more coaches did that, there would be fewer "crazy" soccer parents. Still plenty, but not as many .

Anonymous wrote:Clubs and coaches need to have a NO Bullying policy. This policy should be players towards other players and coaches towards players. Abusive behavior from players or coaches are not tolerated at schools of every level and should not be tolerated in soccer at every level.

Abusive behavior Bullying behaviors include intimidation (using yelling and threats to scare into obedience), insulting (name calling to demean appearance, toughness, or worth), ridicule (making fun of bad play or lack of skill), humiliation (singling out a player for public embarrassment or blame), and benching (refusing to let a student play.)

The impact of these kinds of actions on adolescent age players can be performance anxiety about making mistakes, hesitant play because of unsure decision-making, loss of confidence one's capacity to perform, believing mistreatment is deserved, losing enjoyment of the sport one once enjoyed, even quitting the sport to avoid any coaching at all.

Benching is bullying? Yeah... stick to rec.

Good solid training and decent, fair, respectable coach who isn't a screamer or a joysticker.

I really don't get worked up about anything else with any Club. Miscommunications, whatever.

If my kids have great coaches and the coach is a decent person who treats the kids fairly and disciplines w/ consequences no matter the player's talent----bad attitude, misses things---gets benched, then life is good.

How the coach behaves in games/tournaments is also a big deal to me. I don't want my kids playing for a Man Child that displays horrid behavior to refs/other coaches, etc. Kids are watching.

My U12 son's coach is over the top respectable/fair---so much so he has asked the ref to take back one of OUR goals even when it meant tying vs winning. The goalie was injured and he didn't believe it was fair for us to benefit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clubs and coaches need to have a NO Bullying policy. This policy should be players towards other players and coaches towards players. Abusive behavior from players or coaches are not tolerated at schools of every level and should not be tolerated in soccer at every level.

Abusive behavior Bullying behaviors include intimidation (using yelling and threats to scare into obedience), insulting (name calling to demean appearance, toughness, or worth), ridicule (making fun of bad play or lack of skill), humiliation (singling out a player for public embarrassment or blame), and benching (refusing to let a student play.)

The impact of these kinds of actions on adolescent age players can be performance anxiety about making mistakes, hesitant play because of unsure decision-making, loss of confidence one's capacity to perform, believing mistreatment is deserved, losing enjoyment of the sport one once enjoyed, even quitting the sport to avoid any coaching at all.

Agree, except for the benching. There are situations for benching such as, consistently not showing up to practice, consistently not listening and goofing off, consistently not putting in required effort, consistently not playing as part of a team, and finally bullying other players.

Not the PP, but I agree that benching can be a form of coach to player bullying. I also agree that it might be appropriate in some situations. I think the most important thing is establishing clear expectations and consequences for not meeting them. I had a recent experience with my son being benched for missing a game. We told the coach might miss the game due to a school activity and he did not indicate there would be a problem. However, when the team lost the game, suddenly it was all my son's fault. He was benched the next game, even though he never misses practice and had what seemed like permission from the coach to miss the game.

Also, if there are clear policies and consequences for not meeting expectations, the consequences must apply to all players, stars and bench players alike. The stars don't get a pass.

Coaches have the reigns and they know it. Sorry that happened to your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clubs and coaches need to have a NO Bullying policy. This policy should be players towards other players and coaches towards players. Abusive behavior from players or coaches are not tolerated at schools of every level and should not be tolerated in soccer at every level.

Abusive behavior Bullying behaviors include intimidation (using yelling and threats to scare into obedience), insulting (name calling to demean appearance, toughness, or worth), ridicule (making fun of bad play or lack of skill), humiliation (singling out a player for public embarrassment or blame), and benching (refusing to let a student play.)

The impact of these kinds of actions on adolescent age players can be performance anxiety about making mistakes, hesitant play because of unsure decision-making, loss of confidence one's capacity to perform, believing mistreatment is deserved, losing enjoyment of the sport one once enjoyed, even quitting the sport to avoid any coaching at all.

Agree, except for the benching. There are situations for benching such as, consistently not showing up to practice, consistently not listening and goofing off, consistently not putting in required effort, consistently not playing as part of a team, and finally bullying other players.

Not the PP, but I agree that benching can be a form of coach to player bullying. I also agree that it might be appropriate in some situations. I think the most important thing is establishing clear expectations and consequences for not meeting them. I had a recent experience with my son being benched for missing a game. We told the coach might miss the game due to a school activity and he did not indicate there would be a problem. However, when the team lost the game, suddenly it was all my son's fault. He was benched the next game, even though he never misses practice and had what seemed like permission from the coach to miss the game.

Also, if there are clear policies and consequences for not meeting expectations, the consequences must apply to all players, stars and bench players alike. The stars don't get a pass.

Anonymous wrote:Clubs and coaches need to have a NO Bullying policy. This policy should be players towards other players and coaches towards players. Abusive behavior from players or coaches are not tolerated at schools of every level and should not be tolerated in soccer at every level.

Abusive behavior Bullying behaviors include intimidation (using yelling and threats to scare into obedience), insulting (name calling to demean appearance, toughness, or worth), ridicule (making fun of bad play or lack of skill), humiliation (singling out a player for public embarrassment or blame), and benching (refusing to let a student play.)

The impact of these kinds of actions on adolescent age players can be performance anxiety about making mistakes, hesitant play because of unsure decision-making, loss of confidence one's capacity to perform, believing mistreatment is deserved, losing enjoyment of the sport one once enjoyed, even quitting the sport to avoid any coaching at all.

Agree, except for the benching. There are situations for benching such as, consistently not showing up to practice, consistently not listening and goofing off, consistently not putting in required effort, consistently not playing as part of a team, and finally bullying other players.

Clubs and coaches need to have a NO Bullying policy. This policy should be players towards other players and coaches towards players. Abusive behavior from players or coaches are not tolerated at schools of every level and should not be tolerated in soccer at every level.

Abusive behavior Bullying behaviors include intimidation (using yelling and threats to scare into obedience), insulting (name calling to demean appearance, toughness, or worth), ridicule (making fun of bad play or lack of skill), humiliation (singling out a player for public embarrassment or blame), and benching (refusing to let a student play.)

The impact of these kinds of actions on adolescent age players can be performance anxiety about making mistakes, hesitant play because of unsure decision-making, loss of confidence one's capacity to perform, believing mistreatment is deserved, losing enjoyment of the sport one once enjoyed, even quitting the sport to avoid any coaching at all.

I want my club and coach to be focused on the players. Some of the clubs around here seem to focus on celebrating the club and its staff more so than the kids. The self promoting at the club level is getting ridiculous.

Let's not derail this thread...

Anonymous wrote:Find it odd that every time a certain coach is spoken about, the thread is redirected and falls to silence. This coach clearly has a few wankers who spend their time all over this soccer forum. Good job protecting the coach not the children.

Sure, there is a lot of control on this forum. Certain coaches and players seem to have admin protection. And others get blasted chronically. with no censorship. I just wish it were even handed but it's not.

Find it odd that every time a certain coach is spoken about, the thread is redirected and falls to silence. This coach clearly has a few wankers who spend their time all over this soccer forum. Good job protecting the coach not the children.

Well said. I’d add that the hour long warmup gets annoying when 1) there is no space to warmup, 2) the coach shows up 5 mins before kickoff, 3) the kids are 9 and don’t need an hour to get warmed up, 4) it’s pouring or 100 degrees out or 5) the game is 4 hours away.

Regarding the parents, I’ve noticed that when parents are frustrated with a team, especially with inefficiency, lack of communication, etc. their kid will almost always pick up on that and the negativity cascades down and has an impact on a kid’s interest, performance, etc.

So agree with this. Why make families show up an hour early when the coach arrives about 15 minutes before gametime?

I would add another thing I value, which is some consistency with coaches and roster throughout the fall to spring season. No revolving doors.