Anonymous wrote:Our best friends adopted their now eight-year-old daughter when they were both 42 after losing twins and suffering multiple miscarriages. They're a wonderfully happy family. That's their only child, so it's different than your scenario, but if it would work for you and you want to do it then I wouldn't listen to people on DCUM who know nothing about you.

+100

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Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

I don't think late 50s/early 60s is too old to parent a child in college.

Early 60’s is when they would be entering college. And don’t forget about master’s, grad school, etc. OP, hope you are fine working until you drop dead. Or perhaps you are independently wealthy, but doesn’t sound like it since you are working with 2 kids already!

Who are you people expecting to support kids getting master's degrees, attending grad school, "etc."?? I wasn't hitting mom & dad up for money in law school, hell, I wasn't even on their insurance. Maybe raise a child into an adult by the time they're in their 20s and you won't have such a dim view of children?

Have you ever spent time on DCUM money & finances? I’m not speaking from personal experience (I’m an immigrant with loans). Fully funding 529’s for college + masters is the norm.

It's only the norm for a very narrow portion of the population. And it's not the only way to do things.

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Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

Maybe not, but one of DS's friends is the 4th of 4. All of the others are out of college, and he's a freshmen. It is BEYOND obvious that the parents are over the whole parenting/games/high school thing. They are very wealthy, so money was not an issue. I'm sure they love him, but they are very "been there, done that" about it all. He's pretty lonely, and I think quite aware of the fact that they're tired of FT parenting (because they don't).

Which isn't to say everyone is like that, but I can understand why someone feels that way about some aspects. I only have 2, but I feel pretty "over it" when it comes to things like attending all games of every sport, for instance. I can still do it without it being noticeable, but I can see how by number 3 or 4, 5 or 10 yrs from now, it would be WAY harder.

Anonymous wrote:I had my first naturally (no fertility treatments) at 41. I adopted my second at 49. No regrets at all, and it keeps me young.

This is so true! We have neighbors who are about five years younger than we are who had their two kids in their late20s/early30s. We had a caboose baby when we were almost 40. We still had one at home for years after they became empty nesters, and they seem so much older as a result. People are always surprised when they hear how old my spouse and I are, and I think it’s because we were around lots of kids for a longer time.

Our best friends adopted their now eight-year-old daughter when they were both 42 after losing twins and suffering multiple miscarriages. They're a wonderfully happy family. That's their only child, so it's different than your scenario, but if it would work for you and you want to do it then I wouldn't listen to people on DCUM who know nothing about you.

Worked for us. Got pregnant and had a baby at 43.

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Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

I don't think late 50s/early 60s is too old to parent a child in college.

Early 60’s is when they would be entering college. And don’t forget about master’s, grad school, etc. OP, hope you are fine working until you drop dead. Or perhaps you are independently wealthy, but doesn’t sound like it since you are working with 2 kids already!

Who are you people expecting to support kids getting master's degrees, attending grad school, "etc."?? I wasn't hitting mom & dad up for money in law school, hell, I wasn't even on their insurance. Maybe raise a child into an adult by the time they're in their 20s and you won't have such a dim view of children?

Have you ever spent time on DCUM money & finances? I’m not speaking from personal experience (I’m an immigrant with loans). Fully funding 529’s for college + masters is the norm.

41 with 2 kids.

No I cannot imagine having the energy to dive back into sleepless nights and lack of sleep impacts me much harder than when I was even a few years younger.

Also I could see dealing with this if I SAH but not WOH. Can barely manage to handle my ES kids’ competing demands and activities and they are not very far away from our house. It seems impossible to imagine how we would juggle a 3rd set of commitments for the last kiddo.

I adopted my first at 40 and my 2 boys at 43. Love love being a mom of 3. By 40 my house was paid off, my school loans, my car. I would not have become a mom otherwise. No problems saving for retirement. My kids and i live a simple life.

When you get two blackjacks it’s time to leave the table.

I wouldn’t, personally. Regardless of the egg age, anything can happen and I wouldn’t want the possibility of adding a disabled child to the mix, esp if I was already older and taking care of the child into adulthood becomes harder for me as I’d be facing my own mortality.

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Anonymous wrote:Anyone wohms done this with a happy result? We have a 3 and 5 year old but would really like another. I have frozen eggs from a decade ago so could probably get pregnant.

If you had only one I would say go for it but, you have two and soon you will be able to do more things with your kids. Don't you see a life where you are not raising kids? Traveling at 60 is much easier than 80. Be happy with what you have! Just my two cents.

A friend told me that once your youngest child is potty trained and doesn't need a nap, the world is your oyster, and I have found that to be true. My youngest is 4, I'm about to turn 40, and there's no way I would want to start over.

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Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

I don't think late 50s/early 60s is too old to parent a child in college.

Early 60’s is when they would be entering college. And don’t forget about master’s, grad school, etc. OP, hope you are fine working until you drop dead. Or perhaps you are independently wealthy, but doesn’t sound like it since you are working with 2 kids already!

Who are you people expecting to support kids getting master's degrees, attending grad school, "etc."?? I wasn't hitting mom & dad up for money in law school, hell, I wasn't even on their insurance. Maybe raise a child into an adult by the time they're in their 20s and you won't have such a dim view of children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t regret it now. You will later.

Because of the age thing when they go to college? I just always hear that parents never regret having another... I worry that 5 years from now when it's too late I'll be kicking myself. This sucks.

I don't think late 50s/early 60s is too old to parent a child in college.

Early 60’s is when they would be entering college. And don’t forget about master’s, grad school, etc. OP, hope you are fine working until you drop dead. Or perhaps you are independently wealthy, but doesn’t sound like it since you are working with 2 kids already!

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Anonymous wrote:No way. I plan to be living the good life long before 60.

I guess it depends on what you consider the “good life?” If it’s a quiet house with no kids/freedom to travel, why have them at all and suffer through those 18+ years?

What a dumb comment. To turn it around, if the good life = babies, why stop at 3? Why not just produce babies and care for your offspring until you drop dead, exhausted and penniless? OP is looking for advice on finding the happy medium for her family. Retirement and old age, and what you want life to be like then, are definitely part of the equation and should be considered when planning your family.