Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

I would ask my husband to say something to his mother, to insist that she stop or that he will tell his sister.

I wouldn’t tell them straight out but play dumb about it. For example, when MIL is setting out all the dishes for the Thanksgiving spread and she says “This is vegetarian.” You can speak up and say, “Oh no, remember we made the stuffing with chicken broth so this ones not vegetarian.” Play dumb, pretend it’s an honest mistake and move it along. Your SIL will still know what dishes aren’t vegetarian and you don’t openly antagonize MIL.

On a side note: I find it hard to believe that your SIL couldn’t taste the meat fat in the dishes. One time, a relative made vegetable soup with chicken broth and I almost gagged when I took a bite. The taste of beef or chicken broth is really distinctive. Bacon even more so. I would know right away.

Anonymous wrote:I would tell mil it’s wrong and either she tell or I will.

I, too, would first pick back up the conversation with MIL.

Also - I’m vegetarian but the fact that SIL lectures and micromanaged her DH is incredibly annoying. I would never go off on my DH for eating a roast; he’s a grown-a$$ adult.
Your SIL sounds like a piece of work.

You were actually considering pretending to trip and knock SIL’s plate on the ground? Possibly numerous times? That’s so very odd and makes me wonder if you are for real.

I’m vegetarian but unless there was a medical issue or it were more than a trace amount (chicken stock won’t make her ill but ground beef might) then I would myob. I would also tell MIL to leave me out of it entirely. And I would tell DH to talk to her, if he was so inclined.

I would tell mil it’s wrong and either she tell or I will.

Omg stay out of their fking business.

I wouldn’t. It’s been happening for years, apparently SIL doesn’t notice/hasn’t gotten sick. I’d leave it be for sure. I would never do this to anyone but in this instance the telling would be worse for everyone than the information. SIL’s and OP’s relationship with MIL destroyed and no way the DH and BIL won’t get dragged in also. I wouldn’t cook with her anymore and would just try to forget about what I know.

I would give MIL chance to tell SIL herself. Let her know if she doesn't tell, you will. She gets five days.

It sounds like MIL and SIL deserve each other. Would it be so bad to not have to deal with either of them for a while?

I think you should tell SIL. If your SIL is very serious about being vegetarian then definitely tell her, if she sometimes relaxes and eats something then it probably doesn't matter.

It's not up to your MIL to decide if it is ridiculous to eat something or not eat it. Your MIL shouldn't be deceiving your SIL. If MIL was just uneducated that would be one thing but to actively deceive is another.

Perhaps a way around this is for SIL to bring her own vegetarian dish to family events.

You have been placed in a position where you need to be courageous to do the right thing, OP. Consult with your husband. You can tell SIL, and your husband can tell off his mother. The fact that SIL is obnoxious shouldn't sway you. Heck, perhaps she won't come next time!

Yes. I am a vegetarian and I would be beyond furious. If you are not telling her, you might feel what MIL is doing is Ok, or not important- which is how MIL feels.It is not OK.