Anonymous wrote:I felt sorry for OP at first, but anyone who sets up their life this way is asking for trouble. You can’t have it all.

I would get the nanny back. This is how marriages end.

Some of you are so melodramatic. This is not how they have to spend their lives in perpetuity, it's a situation they have to figure out *for now.* (Then when they figure this one out, something else comes up. Don't we all know this by now?)

OP you just have to get into a routine. The adjustment period is hard. The little-kid-juggling period is hard. I posted upthread about clothes out the night before, older kid dressing herself in the morning, shared grocery list/meal-planning/cooking ahead, etc. I'm still curious if your kids can eat at school/daycare or if you HAVE to be packing their lunches. The first thing you should do is eliminate any work that's not absolutely necessary. Then outsource what you can (#1: grocery shopping, which costs very little to not do yourself. Walmart grocery pickup is free). Only you know what you can afford to outsource so housekeeper/cleaner/mother's helper are variably affordable options if you have extra money for the extra help. Besides that, streamline as much as possible and just keep telling yourself it'll get easier. It will. I'm in a similar situation and yes I'm exhausted but now it's just...normal. You adjust and adapt.

I felt sorry for OP at first, but anyone who sets up their life this way is asking for trouble. You can’t have it all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.5 to 2 hours daily is not doable.

OP here. It has to be doable for awhile. It’s important to both our careers and not forever.

If it has to work, then you just make it work. DH makes the kids lunches before he leaves for work, and gets their daycare/school together and puts it by the door for you. Or, you find another morning chore for him to do that makes your life easier and he does that before he leaves each day. Like putting the kids clothing out (although, my child started dressing himself at 2 because I was a drowning single mom so I had a basket for underwear, shirts, and bottoms - all season appropriate - and he picked one from each basket), or making their breakfast and leaving it out, or something.

OP, my DH commutes 2 hours each way (only 3 times a week, but still...). He is home in time to read bedtime stories and do tuck-ins, and he does all of the dishes, every night. When DS was little, he washed all the bottles & pump parts and packed the daycare bag. On the days he’s home, he does all cooking, drop off and pick up.

How much of an improvement would it be to have him to all the dishes plus a load of laundry every night?

You have to figure out here: what can you cut, what can he take on, and what needs to be outsourced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you trying to do everything? What does your husband do? If you're doing all the morning stuff, and all the evening stuff....he needs to do something. Or, a lot of things.

Meaning he needs to be working like a dog at housework when he gets home if have done 100% of the child care so far that day.

OP here. DH’s commute is 1.5 to 2 hours each way. He does do all the cleaning and ironing on weekends. We moved here to be close to my job. He’s a great partner and a great Dad.

Is that a driving commute, or is he taking a commuter train? If he has access to WiFi, maybe he could take on the task of creating online grocery delivery orders, so at least you won’t have to worry about shopping or running out of food. If you keep a running electronic list with something like Alexa, he’ll always know what you need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.5 to 2 hours daily is not doable.

OP here. It has to be doable for awhile. It’s important to both our careers and not forever.

Then you throw what money you can at the problem and/or suck it up, since it's temporary. Yes, it's hard, but it's also a choice it sounds like you made for future gains. Everyone lives with their trade-offs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.5 to 2 hours daily is not doable.

OP here. It has to be doable for awhile. It’s important to both our careers and not forever.

If it has to work, then you just make it work. DH makes the kids lunches before he leaves for work, and gets their daycare/school together and puts it by the door for you. Or, you find another morning chore for him to do that makes your life easier and he does that before he leaves each day. Like putting the kids clothing out (although, my child started dressing himself at 2 because I was a drowning single mom so I had a basket for underwear, shirts, and bottoms - all season appropriate - and he picked one from each basket), or making their breakfast and leaving it out, or something.

I would get the nanny back. This is how marriages end.

It does not get easier, but you get better at it. Hang in there.

It is hard and it is exhausting but it gets a bit easier as you’ll get into a routine. But yes, it’s hard. I got to work this morning and a coworker pointed out a huge globbof oatmeal on my shoe.

Anonymous wrote:1.5 to 2 hours daily is not doable.

OP here. It has to be doable for awhile. It’s important to both our careers and not forever.

1.5 to 2 hours daily is not doable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you trying to do everything? What does your husband do? If you're doing all the morning stuff, and all the evening stuff....he needs to do something. Or, a lot of things.

Meaning he needs to be working like a dog at housework when he gets home if have done 100% of the child care so far that day.

OP here. DH’s commute is 1.5 to 2 hours each way. He does do all the cleaning and ironing on weekends. We moved here to be close to my job. He’s a great partner and a great Dad.

What?! That’s insane. Where do you live and where does he work. I think we’ve just identified your problem OP. Why would you ever sign up for that?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you trying to do everything? What does your husband do? If you're doing all the morning stuff, and all the evening stuff....he needs to do something. Or, a lot of things.

Meaning he needs to be working like a dog at housework when he gets home if have done 100% of the child care so far that day.

OP here. DH’s commute is 1.5 to 2 hours each way. He does do all the cleaning and ironing on weekends. We moved here to be close to my job. He’s a great partner and a great Dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See if you can have husband rearrange his schedule a bit. 6 am is very early to be leaving and so leaves you doing everything in the morning. If he can’t do that, then why not have him deal with pick up as he should get out of work fairly early?

That's my question too. I leave before anyone else is awake in my house, but I also make sure DD's stuff is packed and ready to go, so DH can just grab her bag in the morning. I also get off work at 3:30, so I do pickup and evening stuff.

This right here. DH needs to carry his weight here.

I do this exactly too! I leave work before my husband and son are awake but I make sure my son's backpack, lunch box is ready (he puts it in from the fridge himself), etc... it works out well for us.

It does get easier as they get older, but you've got a long road ahead of you before the 16-month old is in K. We sacrifice in other areas to keep our nanny because we know we'd be miserable trying to get the two out of the house and dealing with everything you mentioned. You may want to consider hiring a part-time mother's helper or someone who can at least come during the day and handle groceries, perhaps food prep, and laundry. Our nanny does so much I don't know how I'd live without her.