Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of bitter grandparents on the forums today.

Maybe this is a generational thing but as a millennial (I’m 35) I don’t know a SINGLE person who thinks it’s okay to post the photo of another person’s child on the internet. There are so many reasons why that’s just inappropriate and unfair to the child. Protecting your child’s SAFETY, privacy and future right to control their internet presence is way more important than a grandparent’s hurt feelings.

Protecting your child’s internet anonymity is just GOOD PARENTING. If you’re a grandparent or relative and that offends you—let me remind you that its not about you.

If you do t understand this, then consider that this is probably the reason why you can’t be trusted with anyone’s photos.

I post pictures of my own children but relatives may not realize I have very tightly restricted privacy controls. Can’t say the same for every random aunt and internet-clueless grandparent out there.

Yes. All of this x 1 million.

Get over yourselves, grandparents.

Old people don't realize the pitfalls of sharing pictures publicly. We have family Whatsapp groups for picture sharing but no one posts on Facebook etc. If you are close enough you will get pictures regularly.

I agree but asking the grandparents not to text photos to other family members seems like overkill to me (unless that particular relative is known to post pictures on the internet). A request like that seems overly controlling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of bitter grandparents on the forums today.

Maybe this is a generational thing but as a millennial (I’m 35) I don’t know a SINGLE person who thinks it’s okay to post the photo of another person’s child on the internet. There are so many reasons why that’s just inappropriate and unfair to the child. Protecting your child’s SAFETY, privacy and future right to control their internet presence is way more important than a grandparent’s hurt feelings.

Protecting your child’s internet anonymity is just GOOD PARENTING. If you’re a grandparent or relative and that offends you—let me remind you that its not about you.

If you do t understand this, then consider that this is probably the reason why you can’t be trusted with anyone’s photos.

I post pictures of my own children but relatives may not realize I have very tightly restricted privacy controls. Can’t say the same for every random aunt and internet-clueless grandparent out there.

Yes. All of this x 1 million.

Get over yourselves, grandparents.

Old people don't realize the pitfalls of sharing pictures publicly. We have family Whatsapp groups for picture sharing but no one posts on Facebook etc. If you are close enough you will get pictures regularly.

Anonymous wrote:I know it's annoying but it honestly doesn't matter and you will make yourself crazy policing this. You are just creating a way to have an ongoing fight with your inlaws that will last years and not accomplish anything. Mute them on social media if you don't want to see the pics.

I didn't want my kids on social media either, but as soon as kids go to preschool or participate in activities their school will post their pictures, other parents will post pictures of them at their child's birthday party or playdate, random parents will put their pictures up after getting a cute picture at the park....you can believe, as I do, that it's intrusive and wrong to do that, and not do it yourself, but trust me when I say there is no way to stop it. The ship has sailed.

+1 You are setting yourself up to be driven crazy.

I know it's annoying but it honestly doesn't matter and you will make yourself crazy policing this. You are just creating a way to have an ongoing fight with your inlaws that will last years and not accomplish anything. Mute them on social media if you don't want to see the pics.

I didn't want my kids on social media either, but as soon as kids go to preschool or participate in activities their school will post their pictures, other parents will post pictures of them at their child's birthday party or playdate, random parents will put their pictures up after getting a cute picture at the park....you can believe, as I do, that it's intrusive and wrong to do that, and not do it yourself, but trust me when I say there is no way to stop it. The ship has sailed.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a big deal to ask them not to post your child’s photos on social media. Personally I never post pictures of anyone’s children without their explicit consent because many, many people do not want their kids’ pics out there.

Agree. Enforcing this is a whole different story and you’ll need to get your husband’s input on that if it unfortunately becomes an issue.

I would be reasonable. Ask not to post on Facebook or Instagram for example, but to set up a private photo sharing site like SmugMug or a private chat and limit it to close friends and relatives.

Boomer grandparents are an odd bunch. I see them at the park where I jog. They always have these big goofy grins on their faces and very aggressive about hogging the path. “I’m here with my grandkids!!”

Anonymous wrote:FIL overshare everything, especially on Facebook. We will probably do a few no face Instagram shots but really aren't planning on it. Can we ask in laws not to post photos we send them to social media? Anytime we send photos they post them, even when it's something we wouldn't want posted. Just today, he posted a photo of mil holding a random child with the caption we don't have grandbabies yet.

They both text photos to their family and friends, DH extended family which I've never met and he isn't close to. Friends we've never met and will never meet. Is it fair to ask them to limit sharing to those we know or immediate aunts/uncle's/cousins but that's it.

Ex. A relative will send mil photos and then she sends them to me. I have no idea who these kids are. She will also send us photos of kids in her classroom (5th grade). It's weird.

I'm sure I sound crazy but I want to establish boundaries with this ahead of time

Why do you care if she posts photos of children you don't know!? If you don't want her to post photos of your children then do not send them to her but grandparents love to brag about their grandchildren and it would be a truly stupid and mean thing for you to refuse to allow them to share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of bitter grandparents on the forums today.

Maybe this is a generational thing but as a millennial (I’m 35) I don’t know a SINGLE person who thinks it’s okay to post the photo of another person’s child on the internet. There are so many reasons why that’s just inappropriate and unfair to the child. Protecting your child’s SAFETY, privacy and future right to control their internet presence is way more important than a grandparent’s hurt feelings.

Protecting your child’s internet anonymity is just GOOD PARENTING. If you’re a grandparent or relative and that offends you—let me remind you that its not about you.

If you do t understand this, then consider that this is probably the reason why you can’t be trusted with anyone’s photos.

I post pictures of my own children but relatives may not realize I have very tightly restricted privacy controls. Can’t say the same for every random aunt and internet-clueless grandparent out there.

Yes. All of this x 1 million.

Get over yourselves, grandparents.

I get the part about controlling your kids internet presence. But I really don’t see how this is a literal safety issue. Can you elaborate?

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents...hate to break it to you but you had your turn. You have absolutely zero claim to your grandchildren.

I'll give a more nuanced answer. My MIL told her colleagues at her retirement party that she was now "going to raise her grandchildren." This was news to me, as I was there with her only grandchildren and was a SAHM, maybe five years in at the time.

This grand pronouncement made me truly go defensive; I doubled down on establishing boundaries and put some distance between us. I chose not to have a social media presence. MIL is on FB and not at all surprising, overshares and hasn't a clue about privacy settings and would never think to ask before posting pics of her grandchildren.

I can't monitor MIL because, again, not on FB. DH has a FB ghost account and fairly recently looked up his own mom FB page. It was photos of our kids in their very distinctive uniforms with our clearly marked house number. DH called his mom enraged and told her to take it down. She did. But, I don't have the fortitude to keep monitoring or policing MIL FB.

Kind of a pick your battles decision. Grandparents have zero RIGHTS to grandchildren, especially to assume that they'll get a "do over" and ingratiate themselves in a family structure. No. You've had your chance. You've raised your kids. We'll let you know if we need your help.

MIL is a Boomer and I understand that this whole "Motherhood 2.0: Grandmother" is unique to this generation.

Just another way that anxious Type A moms try to control every aspect of their child’s life. Get a therapist OP because motherhood is a lesson in how you can actually control very little.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of bitter grandparents on the forums today.

Maybe this is a generational thing but as a millennial (I’m 35) I don’t know a SINGLE person who thinks it’s okay to post the photo of another person’s child on the internet. There are so many reasons why that’s just inappropriate and unfair to the child. Protecting your child’s SAFETY, privacy and future right to control their internet presence is way more important than a grandparent’s hurt feelings.

Protecting your child’s internet anonymity is just GOOD PARENTING. If you’re a grandparent or relative and that offends you—let me remind you that its not about you.

If you do t understand this, then consider that this is probably the reason why you can’t be trusted with anyone’s photos.

I post pictures of my own children but relatives may not realize I have very tightly restricted privacy controls. Can’t say the same for every random aunt and internet-clueless grandparent out there.

Yes. All of this x 1 million.

Get over yourselves, grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents...hate to break it to you but you had your turn. You have absolutely zero claim to your grandchildren.

+1000

Enjoy your pregnancy. Stop making issues where there are none - your baby isn't born yet?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you do not have children yet, correct? And what ages are your ILs?

If you truly do not want your kid’s picture showing up on social media via your ILs, don’t send a picture. You can ask ILs not to share your kid’s picture via text or social media, but the only way you can be absolutely SURE it won’t happen is to not send the pic in the first place.

It is 100% the right of you & your DH to work to keep your kid’s pictures off social media. Just be advised that, once your kid starts K, you’ll be bailing the Titanic with a bucket - regardless of what your ILs do or don’t do.

Signed,
Mom of 4

+1 love this analogy. Not worth the fight for just a preference IMO (versus a real security concern). Strangers can take and post pictures of your kids when you're out in public.

You received photos of random kids and did what? Deleted them or just ignored them. Others will do the same with any photo of your kid. I know you think your kid is the most beautiful, magical creature but in all reality, they're not. This is not something to get all bent out of shape over.