Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:29
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.
I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?
Do they even know you're interested in being hit on? Most smart men play it carefully these days. Especially if this is in a work setting.
I am referring primarily to places outside a professional setting.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:26
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:A guy I had been in a relationship with for a year stopped calling or texting. Everything was going fine. Don’t know why he blew me off.
After 10 days Sent him an email, “ hey , I’m getting the feeling this is over?” He did respond and acknowledged the end. He was 60 years old st the time. Don’t blame youth culture.
Wow. How truly cowardly and selfish of him. I’m sorry.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:23
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you.
That book came out after I was married but I think somehow that very simple concept would have changed my dating life. I don’t know why we look for complicated reasons and justifications. The reason is pretty much always he’s just not that into you and you should move on and find someone who is. Good luck.
This. Such a simple premise, and yet so helpful. It doesn’t really matter why he did it. Time to move on.
If only it was so easy to maturely accept the fact and move on. Another point for op to consider: a person who ghosts you isn't worthy of another thought.
It should be, after 5 dates.
Yes, it should be but, sadly, it isn't.
Why are you giving so much emotional power to someone you barely know?
I'm actually empathizing with op. I met my husband when we were young, so I never experienced being ghosted. I can imagine how I would feel in her place and I think it would be challenging to not have it mess with your head.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:22
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.
I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?
You have no one but yourself to blame for the situation you've found yourself in.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:21
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.
I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?
Do they even know you're interested in being hit on? Most smart men play it carefully these days. Especially if this is in a work setting.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:19
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Female here. I've ghosted before back when I was in the dating world. No other reason than I was conflict avoidant and it was easier to ghost someone. Ghosting rarely has to do with the person being ghosted (unless the clingy dramatic type)
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:17
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.
I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?
I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?
Anonymous
10/05/2019 16:14
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:Usually they catch an odor. Hygiene is super important in the beginning
This. You got too comfortable too soon
Anonymous
10/05/2019 15:54
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
I prefer ghosting/being ghosted. Nobody wants to hear the unvarnished truth (including me). Who cares why? It’s over.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 15:21
Subject: Re:5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
This. I don't understand how the dating norms have shifted so much in the last 20 years that now, not only is it expected that the person you are seeing will be seeing and sleeping with other people for the first six months of your relationship, but that during this time they are entitled to just stop responding to your texts or calls, and you are considered weak and pathetic for expecting a polite good bye. What the hell is wrong with people?
Christ, I had the courtesy to call my dentist to let them know i was going to start seeing another dentist.
Point is: The guy in OP's story may have had a ton of valid reasons to go from dating to not dating. But he owed her a damn phone call or text.
Hahaha I like you
Anonymous
10/05/2019 15:02
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:Usually they catch an odor. Hygiene is super important in the beginning]
This made me laugh, as hopefully was intended.
I used to ghost people (in the 80's! I was before my time). Then I developed some relationship skills. I agree with whoever wrote that it's about him, not you. Keep an open heart and try again. Hopefully, your next date is more mature.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 14:53
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Sounds like the 5 dates weren't as great for him.
What do you mean by ghosting? I think there is a difference between communication just kind of petering out and someone who makes plans or just suddenly stops texting. Petering out after 5 date is fine with me. There really isn't a need to have a conversation about ending it or closure or explanation. What is there to explain? it didn't work out. He isn't feeling it.
It doesn't make anyone a bad person to move on. Man or woman. For a relationship to work, both people have to click and feel it is what they want. Not being in that place isn't a character flaw. It is what dating is for. To see if both people feel that way or not and if one doesn't, then it is over and move on.
What do you mean by ghosting? I think there is a difference between communication just kind of petering out and someone who makes plans or just suddenly stops texting. Petering out after 5 date is fine with me. There really isn't a need to have a conversation about ending it or closure or explanation. What is there to explain? it didn't work out. He isn't feeling it.
It doesn't make anyone a bad person to move on. Man or woman. For a relationship to work, both people have to click and feel it is what they want. Not being in that place isn't a character flaw. It is what dating is for. To see if both people feel that way or not and if one doesn't, then it is over and move on.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 14:28
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:Were you intimate? If not, maybe that's why he ghosted
+1
Or PP likes to use dumb language like "ghosting" too often.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 14:19
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Anonymous wrote:5 date rule. For me it's 3. No matter how good the dates are if date 3 doesn't end in sex, time to move on. I won't ghost however. Some people just don't like conflict. He doesn't have a reason other than no sex and it will make him sound shallow. Anything else is a lie, which could lead to an issue, so he avoids.
I keep it simple: it's just not working for me right now...
And, that is why you are single. Just hire a prostitute instead.
Anonymous
10/05/2019 14:18
Subject: 5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?
Married.