Anonymous
10/03/2019 08:55
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if your PTA is anything like ours, five of the six board members work full- or part-time, as do the majority of the coordinators/committee chairs. They may also volunteer for other things as well. The type of people who volunteer to take on these significant volunteer roles tend to be the kind of people who sign up for lots of things because they enjoy being involved/helping out. We (I'm not a board member, but chair a couple of events) tend to be really busy -- which is our choice, but that doesn't mean we're not really busy. So when something like the book fair is going on, I sincerely want to meet new volunteers, get to know them, etc. But if we have a slow shift, it's possible that a work issue will have come up that needs to be addressed, or I really have to talk to Brenda who just stopped by because it will save me seven rounds of email later about some issue with the book fair. It is 100% not about you, and I'll feel bad that I'm all but ignoring you when you came out to help.
Also, if we have a bunch of people signed up for one shift and other shifts with no one, I will email people and ask if they're able to switch to help with coverage. I will tend to email the people I know rather than the people I don't know, however, because I'm more comfortable asking my friends for favors than random strangers. Again, it's not personal, it's just trying to get the job done for the kids.
And you can’t include new moms who are interested in volunteering in your conversations because why?
Look, the reason there are only a few people running everything at your school is because of this attitude. If you talked with new moms one on one and tried to be inclusive rather than exclusive when things came up, you would have a lot more volunteers.
I have kids at two different schools. One has parents like you who only talk to their friends, and the other is full of moms who do not care for all of this crap and really want to work on fostering a community at the school. No one cares if the person filling the spot is your friend or not. If it needs filled, then it needs filled. I can imagine that if OP was at an inclusive school and switched to an exclusive one, she may be wondering what the hell is going on.
I attend one of the "exclusive" type schools and it's mainly because the prior PTA president was a b. She even so much as said that she would ignore offers to volunteer from kindergarten moms because she didnt want to overwhelm them. Shes still heavily involved and runs multiple committees and is still an exclusive b. Now that I'm seeing exactly what the PTA entails, I will be backing away. Really not my thing.
Anonymous
10/03/2019 08:47
Subject: Am I being petty? PTA
Honestly, it could have been clique-ish or not. But spending all this time analyzing it, is not worth your time. Go to your time slot and do your job. You have the whole school year to figure out who you want to be friends with. Don't ruin your chances of new friends by making the book fair slot the watershed moment.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 22:24
Subject: Am I being petty? PTA
I'm 99.9% sure this has nothing to do with you. Please don't read anything in to this and enjoy your volunteer slot. Thanks for helping your kid's school!
Anonymous
10/02/2019 22:14
Subject: Am I being petty? PTA
op as someone who was on the pta board for 5 yrs, this most likely has zero to do with you.
REALLY. How could it be when you don't know them yet?
I had events I trolled for new volunteers and book fair wasn't usually it. Our book fair was very late in the year so we were getting signs up from book fair by advertising to the whole school and then trying to fill the gaps (which it was mostly gaps) by directly asking people who had already volunteered in other ways before (because we had their contact info, saw them at those things, and knew we could ask and they might say yes).
I trolled the summer and fall events to get volunteers for my programs and I trolled the late spring events to get parents to sign up for stuff for the fall.
Our school (the school itself) had a curriculum that relied on having parent volunteers in kinder so that set us up with a good way to meet people. You had to catch them in kinder though because most people aren't looking to up their volunteering in later grades.
Hang in there. I am sure this has ZERO to do with you.
REALLY. How could it be when you don't know them yet?
I had events I trolled for new volunteers and book fair wasn't usually it. Our book fair was very late in the year so we were getting signs up from book fair by advertising to the whole school and then trying to fill the gaps (which it was mostly gaps) by directly asking people who had already volunteered in other ways before (because we had their contact info, saw them at those things, and knew we could ask and they might say yes).
I trolled the summer and fall events to get volunteers for my programs and I trolled the late spring events to get parents to sign up for stuff for the fall.
Our school (the school itself) had a curriculum that relied on having parent volunteers in kinder so that set us up with a good way to meet people. You had to catch them in kinder though because most people aren't looking to up their volunteering in later grades.
Hang in there. I am sure this has ZERO to do with you.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 21:47
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
They aren't good people. I would drop group.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 21:07
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if your PTA is anything like ours, five of the six board members work full- or part-time, as do the majority of the coordinators/committee chairs. They may also volunteer for other things as well. The type of people who volunteer to take on these significant volunteer roles tend to be the kind of people who sign up for lots of things because they enjoy being involved/helping out. We (I'm not a board member, but chair a couple of events) tend to be really busy -- which is our choice, but that doesn't mean we're not really busy. So when something like the book fair is going on, I sincerely want to meet new volunteers, get to know them, etc. But if we have a slow shift, it's possible that a work issue will have come up that needs to be addressed, or I really have to talk to Brenda who just stopped by because it will save me seven rounds of email later about some issue with the book fair. It is 100% not about you, and I'll feel bad that I'm all but ignoring you when you came out to help.
Also, if we have a bunch of people signed up for one shift and other shifts with no one, I will email people and ask if they're able to switch to help with coverage. I will tend to email the people I know rather than the people I don't know, however, because I'm more comfortable asking my friends for favors than random strangers. Again, it's not personal, it's just trying to get the job done for the kids.
And you can’t include new moms who are interested in volunteering in your conversations because why?
Look, the reason there are only a few people running everything at your school is because of this attitude. If you talked with new moms one on one and tried to be inclusive rather than exclusive when things came up, you would have a lot more volunteers.
I have kids at two different schools. One has parents like you who only talk to their friends, and the other is full of moms who do not care for all of this crap and really want to work on fostering a community at the school. No one cares if the person filling the spot is your friend or not. If it needs filled, then it needs filled. I can imagine that if OP was at an inclusive school and switched to an exclusive one, she may be wondering what the hell is going on.
What value is there is a volunteer listening in while Brenda and In ordinate where to meet the next day to count out cash and how much change I need her to get at the bank? If the other volunteer really wants to listen in, fine, but it’s not a social conversation because Brenda’s probably on her way for a meeting or to pick up her kids. Not to mention that Brenda and I aren’t really friends and don’t particularly socialize ourselves.
Well, what do you and Brenda need the cash for?
Um, to make change when we sell books at the book fair? What an odd question.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 21:05
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if your PTA is anything like ours, five of the six board members work full- or part-time, as do the majority of the coordinators/committee chairs. They may also volunteer for other things as well. The type of people who volunteer to take on these significant volunteer roles tend to be the kind of people who sign up for lots of things because they enjoy being involved/helping out. We (I'm not a board member, but chair a couple of events) tend to be really busy -- which is our choice, but that doesn't mean we're not really busy. So when something like the book fair is going on, I sincerely want to meet new volunteers, get to know them, etc. But if we have a slow shift, it's possible that a work issue will have come up that needs to be addressed, or I really have to talk to Brenda who just stopped by because it will save me seven rounds of email later about some issue with the book fair. It is 100% not about you, and I'll feel bad that I'm all but ignoring you when you came out to help.
Also, if we have a bunch of people signed up for one shift and other shifts with no one, I will email people and ask if they're able to switch to help with coverage. I will tend to email the people I know rather than the people I don't know, however, because I'm more comfortable asking my friends for favors than random strangers. Again, it's not personal, it's just trying to get the job done for the kids.
And you can’t include new moms who are interested in volunteering in your conversations because why?
Look, the reason there are only a few people running everything at your school is because of this attitude. If you talked with new moms one on one and tried to be inclusive rather than exclusive when things came up, you would have a lot more volunteers.
I have kids at two different schools. One has parents like you who only talk to their friends, and the other is full of moms who do not care for all of this crap and really want to work on fostering a community at the school. No one cares if the person filling the spot is your friend or not. If it needs filled, then it needs filled. I can imagine that if OP was at an inclusive school and switched to an exclusive one, she may be wondering what the hell is going on.
What value is there is a volunteer listening in while Brenda and In ordinate where to meet the next day to count out cash and how much change I need her to get at the bank? If the other volunteer really wants to listen in, fine, but it’s not a social conversation because Brenda’s probably on her way for a meeting or to pick up her kids. Not to mention that Brenda and I aren’t really friends and don’t particularly socialize ourselves.
Well, what do you and Brenda need the cash for?
Anonymous
10/02/2019 20:26
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
Anonymous wrote:I get that you picked a particular time slot because it fit your lo’s preschool schedule, but you can’t really complain if you signed up for a time slot that already had 3 volunteers, when the next time slot must have been empty, and then the people in charge tried to balance the coverage. You’re new to the school, so unless there’s previous drama that you’re failing to mention, they’re not determined to avoid you.
+1
Anonymous
10/02/2019 20:15
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
A tip for anyone hoping to make friends by volunteering like this, it is generally easier to make connections with people one-on-one than by trying to make yourself a part of a preexisting circle of friend. This isn’t a PTA thing, this is a human socialization thing. If you want to make friends, don’t target the time slot with three people that you know probably work together a lot and therefore may already be friends. Sign up for a couple of slots that have just one other person, where you’re more likely to engage in conversation rather than being left feeling like an outsider.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 20:06
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if your PTA is anything like ours, five of the six board members work full- or part-time, as do the majority of the coordinators/committee chairs. They may also volunteer for other things as well. The type of people who volunteer to take on these significant volunteer roles tend to be the kind of people who sign up for lots of things because they enjoy being involved/helping out. We (I'm not a board member, but chair a couple of events) tend to be really busy -- which is our choice, but that doesn't mean we're not really busy. So when something like the book fair is going on, I sincerely want to meet new volunteers, get to know them, etc. But if we have a slow shift, it's possible that a work issue will have come up that needs to be addressed, or I really have to talk to Brenda who just stopped by because it will save me seven rounds of email later about some issue with the book fair. It is 100% not about you, and I'll feel bad that I'm all but ignoring you when you came out to help.
Also, if we have a bunch of people signed up for one shift and other shifts with no one, I will email people and ask if they're able to switch to help with coverage. I will tend to email the people I know rather than the people I don't know, however, because I'm more comfortable asking my friends for favors than random strangers. Again, it's not personal, it's just trying to get the job done for the kids.
And you can’t include new moms who are interested in volunteering in your conversations because why?
Look, the reason there are only a few people running everything at your school is because of this attitude. If you talked with new moms one on one and tried to be inclusive rather than exclusive when things came up, you would have a lot more volunteers.
I have kids at two different schools. One has parents like you who only talk to their friends, and the other is full of moms who do not care for all of this crap and really want to work on fostering a community at the school. No one cares if the person filling the spot is your friend or not. If it needs filled, then it needs filled. I can imagine that if OP was at an inclusive school and switched to an exclusive one, she may be wondering what the hell is going on.
What value is there is a volunteer listening in while Brenda and In ordinate where to meet the next day to count out cash and how much change I need her to get at the bank? If the other volunteer really wants to listen in, fine, but it’s not a social conversation because Brenda’s probably on her way for a meeting or to pick up her kids. Not to mention that Brenda and I aren’t really friends and don’t particularly socialize ourselves.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 18:51
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
Anonymous wrote:OP, if your PTA is anything like ours, five of the six board members work full- or part-time, as do the majority of the coordinators/committee chairs. They may also volunteer for other things as well. The type of people who volunteer to take on these significant volunteer roles tend to be the kind of people who sign up for lots of things because they enjoy being involved/helping out. We (I'm not a board member, but chair a couple of events) tend to be really busy -- which is our choice, but that doesn't mean we're not really busy. So when something like the book fair is going on, I sincerely want to meet new volunteers, get to know them, etc. But if we have a slow shift, it's possible that a work issue will have come up that needs to be addressed, or I really have to talk to Brenda who just stopped by because it will save me seven rounds of email later about some issue with the book fair. It is 100% not about you, and I'll feel bad that I'm all but ignoring you when you came out to help.
Also, if we have a bunch of people signed up for one shift and other shifts with no one, I will email people and ask if they're able to switch to help with coverage. I will tend to email the people I know rather than the people I don't know, however, because I'm more comfortable asking my friends for favors than random strangers. Again, it's not personal, it's just trying to get the job done for the kids.
And you can’t include new moms who are interested in volunteering in your conversations because why?
Look, the reason there are only a few people running everything at your school is because of this attitude. If you talked with new moms one on one and tried to be inclusive rather than exclusive when things came up, you would have a lot more volunteers.
I have kids at two different schools. One has parents like you who only talk to their friends, and the other is full of moms who do not care for all of this crap and really want to work on fostering a community at the school. No one cares if the person filling the spot is your friend or not. If it needs filled, then it needs filled. I can imagine that if OP was at an inclusive school and switched to an exclusive one, she may be wondering what the hell is going on.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 18:06
Subject: Am I being petty? PTA
you sound oversensitive
Anonymous
10/02/2019 18:00
Subject: Am I being petty? PTA
Not petty, OP, but over-sensitive. I agree with other PPs that they probably are trying to multi-task by volunteering and having an informal meeting at the same time.
Why some women - like so many on this thread - need to assume animus from other women as the default is just beyond me.
Why some women - like so many on this thread - need to assume animus from other women as the default is just beyond me.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 17:52
Subject: Am I being petty? PTA
I don't think it has anything to do with you. It was probably like yay, someone signed up! But, if in Alexandria... well, we had some posts about Alexandria moms.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 17:49
Subject: Re:Am I being petty? PTA
If all three moved to the open spot it means that at least one of them had to cover the open spot but they wanted to do it together so they could chat. They probably were not intentionally avoiding you but they wanted to be able to chit chat about whatever without someone else being part of the conversation. Be glad you are safe from this! Rejoice that you do not have to endure annoying gossip!
My advice on PTA. Do it because if there are a ton of fun activities and you are involved in them then your kids will be involved in them. The PTA annoyed the shit out of me and I was on the board/ran many things. My kids had an absolute blast because I drug them to all the events and then they got their friends to go. My kids loved helping when they were younger too. When they got older, the older ones would come back and do SL credits working on things. It made the experience really great for the kids.
You will end up making friends with your kids friend's parents and the ones that you see every freaking weekend on the soccer field. You are not going to end up being friends with parents who have kids in other classes. You'll get to know them overtime but you won't be grabbing coffee with them because between work, kids social activities and social activities from the soccer, baseball or basketball group you will not have time.
My advice on PTA. Do it because if there are a ton of fun activities and you are involved in them then your kids will be involved in them. The PTA annoyed the shit out of me and I was on the board/ran many things. My kids had an absolute blast because I drug them to all the events and then they got their friends to go. My kids loved helping when they were younger too. When they got older, the older ones would come back and do SL credits working on things. It made the experience really great for the kids.
You will end up making friends with your kids friend's parents and the ones that you see every freaking weekend on the soccer field. You are not going to end up being friends with parents who have kids in other classes. You'll get to know them overtime but you won't be grabbing coffee with them because between work, kids social activities and social activities from the soccer, baseball or basketball group you will not have time.