Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 21:32     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s not “company” it is his parents. Make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up what you can as you normally would. This shouldn’t be an OMG super stressful entertaining event. If you feel like the house needs to look perfect and you need to have a multiple course meal that is on you and your own anxieties. Say hi and be pleasant. His parents are likely more interested in talking to your DH and your kids anyhow. If you don’t feel like being a major part of conversation busy yourself with something else. If DH invited them over, then that is what he wants to do with his day off...not what you decide he wants to do.


Girl, please. Is this 1957? Why aren't you telling OP'S HUSBAND that he can darn well make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up the house?

OP is a bit tapped out. She also works outside the home. Do you get it?

HE'S the one with a half-day. HE's the one who wants to see them on a weekday. Why are you telling HER to make food, clean, and make conversation?


Sure DH can cook. My point was it doesn’t have to be some elaborate to-do. Whoever would usually make dinner, makes the dinner. Make what you/him would normally make for dinner. Why is this a big deal?


Because maybe OP usually does cook, but her "meal plan" for that night was leftovers from the past two nights, and there wouldn't be enough for guests. That's what we do some nights to use up what's in the fridge and not waste food, and save a bit of time and energy. Do you get it?

Cooking cornbread and chili or what have you would be a lot more effort than that, now wouldn't it?

So if DH wants to entertain mid-week, HE can expend that energy. Why that didn't occur to you is beyond me. You know men can cook and entertain, especially for guests they are inviting over, yes?

And learn this before you have a DIL or SIL: Yes, even family are guests unless they literally live in the home. If their legal residence is not the home, they are a guest. Even if they have a key.


Project much? Wow.


Backpedal faster! "Sure DH can cook!" The fact that you had to be prompted to say this speaks volumes.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 21:26     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:OP here- I think I’m going to suggest he takes the kids out with them so I can catch up on cleaning and housework (with a side of some good carryout for myself and maybe a bubble bath lol) or if he insists they come over, I have plans with “girlfriends”, meaning the ladies of Downton and buttery popcorn for dinner (thanks for the idea!)


You're welcome! I love movies by myself.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 21:25     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s not “company” it is his parents. Make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up what you can as you normally would. This shouldn’t be an OMG super stressful entertaining event. If you feel like the house needs to look perfect and you need to have a multiple course meal that is on you and your own anxieties. Say hi and be pleasant. His parents are likely more interested in talking to your DH and your kids anyhow. If you don’t feel like being a major part of conversation busy yourself with something else. If DH invited them over, then that is what he wants to do with his day off...not what you decide he wants to do.


Girl, please. Is this 1957? Why aren't you telling OP'S HUSBAND that he can darn well make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up the house?

OP is a bit tapped out. She also works outside the home. Do you get it?

HE'S the one with a half-day. HE's the one who wants to see them on a weekday. Why are you telling HER to make food, clean, and make conversation?


Sure DH can cook. My point was it doesn’t have to be some elaborate to-do. Whoever would usually make dinner, makes the dinner. Make what you/him would normally make for dinner. Why is this a big deal?


Because maybe OP usually does cook, but her "meal plan" for that night was leftovers from the past two nights, and there wouldn't be enough for guests. That's what we do some nights to use up what's in the fridge and not waste food, and save a bit of time and energy. Do you get it?

Cooking cornbread and chili or what have you would be a lot more effort than that, now wouldn't it?

So if DH wants to entertain mid-week, HE can expend that energy. Why that didn't occur to you is beyond me. You know men can cook and entertain, especially for guests they are inviting over, yes?

And learn this before you have a DIL or SIL: Yes, even family are guests unless they literally live in the home. If their legal residence is not the home, they are a guest. Even if they have a key.


Project much? Wow.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 21:24     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s not “company” it is his parents. Make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up what you can as you normally would. This shouldn’t be an OMG super stressful entertaining event. If you feel like the house needs to look perfect and you need to have a multiple course meal that is on you and your own anxieties. Say hi and be pleasant. His parents are likely more interested in talking to your DH and your kids anyhow. If you don’t feel like being a major part of conversation busy yourself with something else. If DH invited them over, then that is what he wants to do with his day off...not what you decide he wants to do.


Girl, please. Is this 1957? Why aren't you telling OP'S HUSBAND that he can darn well make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up the house?

OP is a bit tapped out. She also works outside the home. Do you get it?

HE'S the one with a half-day. HE's the one who wants to see them on a weekday. Why are you telling HER to make food, clean, and make conversation?


Sure DH can cook. My point was it doesn’t have to be some elaborate to-do. Whoever would usually make dinner, makes the dinner. Make what you/him would normally make for dinner. Why is this a big deal?


Because maybe OP usually does cook, but her "meal plan" for that night was leftovers from the past two nights, and there wouldn't be enough for guests. That's what we do some nights to use up what's in the fridge and not waste food, and save a bit of time and energy. Do you get it?

Cooking cornbread and chili or what have you would be a lot more effort than that, now wouldn't it?

So if DH wants to entertain mid-week, HE can expend that energy. Why that didn't occur to you is beyond me. You know men can cook and entertain, especially for guests they are inviting over, yes?

And learn this before you have a DIL or SIL: Yes, even family are guests unless they literally live in the home. If their legal residence is not the home, they are a guest. Even if they have a key.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 18:02     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:OP here- I think I’m going to suggest he takes the kids out with them so I can catch up on cleaning and housework (with a side of some good carryout for myself and maybe a bubble bath lol) or if he insists they come over, I have plans with “girlfriends”, meaning the ladies of Downton and buttery popcorn for dinner (thanks for the idea!)


Yes!
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:46     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
OP here- I think I’m going to suggest he takes the kids out with them so I can catch up on cleaning and housework (with a side of some good carryout for myself and maybe a bubble bath lol) or if he insists they come over, I have plans with “girlfriends”, meaning the ladies of Downton and buttery popcorn for dinner (thanks for the idea!)
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:36     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from a weeklong business trip. He returned late Sunday evening. He’s working today and gets off early than usual tomorrow. Today is a normally hectic day and I was really hoping tomorrow could be an easy and relaxing day that gets us back into our usual groove. It’s nice that he’s home early too, because the kids miss him. He just texted me asking what plans we have tomorrow, his parents would like to come visit (local) and catch up.

In light of his recent week away, how do you feel about me standing my ground and saying not at our house? I have no issues with him visiting his parents at their house, but I’m tired and I don’t want to entertain. Or should I take one for the team since DH might just want to relax at home on his half-day?


So, have DH meet his parents for lunch or early dinner somewhere since he has extra time off. He can still be home early enough for you to have most of the evening together and you have a great excuse for not attending (work). Seems like a win.


The DH should meet his parents for lunch AND have dinner ready for OP and kids when she gets home from work. Remember he just had a week break from kids and home responsibilities. He can use his half day to visit his parents for lunch and make dinner for his family.

Anything else is flat out rude and entitled.

LOL, I was assuming he would be taking the kids with him.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:30     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from a weeklong business trip. He returned late Sunday evening. He’s working today and gets off early than usual tomorrow. Today is a normally hectic day and I was really hoping tomorrow could be an easy and relaxing day that gets us back into our usual groove. It’s nice that he’s home early too, because the kids miss him. He just texted me asking what plans we have tomorrow, his parents would like to come visit (local) and catch up.

In light of his recent week away, how do you feel about me standing my ground and saying not at our house? I have no issues with him visiting his parents at their house, but I’m tired and I don’t want to entertain. Or should I take one for the team since DH might just want to relax at home on his half-day?


So, have DH meet his parents for lunch or early dinner somewhere since he has extra time off. He can still be home early enough for you to have most of the evening together and you have a great excuse for not attending (work). Seems like a win.


The DH should meet his parents for lunch AND have dinner ready for OP and kids when she gets home from work. Remember he just had a week break from kids and home responsibilities. He can use his half day to visit his parents for lunch and make dinner for his family.

Anything else is flat out rude and entitled.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:27     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:As a DW who travels regularly for work, I would *never* ask my DH to entertain my parents on a weekday on the day after I returned from a business trip. When I get home, I tell hDH to go do whatever the heck he wants while I handle the kids for a night or two. Solo parenting while working full time is no joke, and any co-parent who gets it and cares about you is going to understand that you need a break and find a solution that does not require effort from you.


This is the difference between men and women. Men don’t see any of the work involved so they don’t care.

Honestly, I think it’s rude he even asked. The first day or two after you get home from a trip should be about giving your spouse a break not adding to their workload!
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:17     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
As a DW who travels regularly for work, I would *never* ask my DH to entertain my parents on a weekday on the day after I returned from a business trip. When I get home, I tell hDH to go do whatever the heck he wants while I handle the kids for a night or two. Solo parenting while working full time is no joke, and any co-parent who gets it and cares about you is going to understand that you need a break and find a solution that does not require effort from you.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:10     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s not “company” it is his parents. Make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up what you can as you normally would. This shouldn’t be an OMG super stressful entertaining event. If you feel like the house needs to look perfect and you need to have a multiple course meal that is on you and your own anxieties. Say hi and be pleasant. His parents are likely more interested in talking to your DH and your kids anyhow. If you don’t feel like being a major part of conversation busy yourself with something else. If DH invited them over, then that is what he wants to do with his day off...not what you decide he wants to do.


ugh this person just doesn't get it. Parents are definitely company. Inlaws will come and only talk to the DH and leave all the work to the wife. She'll have to put the kids to bed while they talk. Just tons more work.


Yep! OP: strong suggest you go OUT and meet them for dinner. Otherwise have DH cook, at the very least. You’ll still get stuck doing the cleanup and doing the house prep so that is more than enough.

Also I know some people’s ILs are likely super nice, super causal etc- and don’t mind normal mess and would be happy with chili. Not mine!! I’m sure I’m not the only one either. Some are difficult.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 16:06     Subject: Re:Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
I’d just suggest you take them out somewhere rather than host. If that doesn’t fly with DH or ILs then yes you should probably suck it up. If time etc is an issue I’d put the cooking on DH. Mine would be happy to grill or get takeout. Just tell ILs it has been a hectic week with DH OOT so you’ll be having something simple.

Not sure why some are flaming you. I’ve definitely felt this way, I’d think most of us have.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 15:46     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:It’s not “company” it is his parents. Make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up what you can as you normally would. This shouldn’t be an OMG super stressful entertaining event. If you feel like the house needs to look perfect and you need to have a multiple course meal that is on you and your own anxieties. Say hi and be pleasant. His parents are likely more interested in talking to your DH and your kids anyhow. If you don’t feel like being a major part of conversation busy yourself with something else. If DH invited them over, then that is what he wants to do with his day off...not what you decide he wants to do.


ugh this person just doesn't get it. Parents are definitely company. Inlaws will come and only talk to the DH and leave all the work to the wife. She'll have to put the kids to bed while they talk. Just tons more work.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 15:40     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from a weeklong business trip. He returned late Sunday evening. He’s working today and gets off early than usual tomorrow. Today is a normally hectic day and I was really hoping tomorrow could be an easy and relaxing day that gets us back into our usual groove. It’s nice that he’s home early too, because the kids miss him. He just texted me asking what plans we have tomorrow, his parents would like to come visit (local) and catch up.

In light of his recent week away, how do you feel about me standing my ground and saying not at our house? I have no issues with him visiting his parents at their house, but I’m tired and I don’t want to entertain. Or should I take one for the team since DH might just want to relax at home on his half-day?


So, have DH meet his parents for lunch or early dinner somewhere since he has extra time off. He can still be home early enough for you to have most of the evening together and you have a great excuse for not attending (work). Seems like a win.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2019 15:33     Subject: Irrational? Don’t feel like entertaining
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s not “company” it is his parents. Make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up what you can as you normally would. This shouldn’t be an OMG super stressful entertaining event. If you feel like the house needs to look perfect and you need to have a multiple course meal that is on you and your own anxieties. Say hi and be pleasant. His parents are likely more interested in talking to your DH and your kids anyhow. If you don’t feel like being a major part of conversation busy yourself with something else. If DH invited them over, then that is what he wants to do with his day off...not what you decide he wants to do.


Girl, please. Is this 1957? Why aren't you telling OP'S HUSBAND that he can darn well make a pot of chili, a pan of cornbread, and pick up the house?

OP is a bit tapped out. She also works outside the home. Do you get it?

HE'S the one with a half-day. HE's the one who wants to see them on a weekday. Why are you telling HER to make food, clean, and make conversation?


Sure DH can cook. My point was it doesn’t have to be some elaborate to-do. Whoever would usually make dinner, makes the dinner. Make what you/him would normally make for dinner. Why is this a big deal?