Separately, off topic but I realized I should never be friends with people who grew up nearby and have a ton of local family and friends. When I would try to make plans with these people it was always "oh I'm going to visit my in-laws this weekend and then next weekend is my mom's birthday celebration and then the following weekend is my best friend's baby shower... so let's hang out in March!!" It got frustrating so I started focusing on friends who don't have a gigantic local network, and they are available to hang out at short notice which is awesome!

This! And I've learned to choose women-friends who do not have sisters living nearby

I completely agree with you OP. It's not even about childcare costs but about the stability and comfort that comes with a grandparent filling in for you instead of a hired sitter. Plus, when a grandparent attends a mommy & me class or a school event in place of the parent, it's pretty cool. If a hired sitter goes, it's a bit sad!

Separately, off topic but I realized I should never be friends with people who grew up nearby and have a ton of local family and friends. When I would try to make plans with these people it was always "oh I'm going to visit my in-laws this weekend and then next weekend is my mom's birthday celebration and then the following weekend is my best friend's baby shower... so let's hang out in March!!" It got frustrating so I started focusing on friends who don't have a gigantic local network, and they are available to hang out at short notice which is awesome!

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a sitter? Errands? Dinner date? I was a SAHM , my DH traveled every week and I never needed my parents to watch the kids EVERY weekend. For the record, I never grocery shopped alone. I would joke that I could only go to a store that had carts to hoild the kids who were 17 months apart.

Being a SAHM seems to have severely curtailed your imagination (or maybe you weren't that bright to begin with).

I have this. It is awesome and I do appreciate it. But I also made choices that kept me close to my parents, so it wasn't a complete accident in that regard.

While the babysitting is nice sometimes, the main thing I like about local family is that we don't have to travel for the holidays! Honestly makes our life so so much easier.

I felt this way, and now the kids are older and we travel to see family but they are not in our face, and it's way better. Things will change quickly, OP, and in a couple of years you won't need babysitters and travel won't be as difficult.

Friends with babies who would go on a week vacation to the caribbean and leave the baby with family.

People who can just work from home when their kid is sick instead of having to take 8 hours of PTO.

Kind of envious of your after school nanny TBH.

I say this kindly, but get over it, OP. We don't have parents nearby so we rely on our amazing nanny and our friends. My friends who do have parents nearby have a whole host of other issues. I'm not sure how you've gotten this far in life and you still envy other people blindly, but really, just get over it. Being envious is a waste of time.

We are relocating to the area where grandparents and siblings reside (years in the making). It's not our top choice in terms of location but the trade-off of childcare and not missing birthdays/holidays is worth it to us. We will sacrifice in terms of our jobs (not in pay scale or position, but we both love our teams and companies) but our home life will be less stressful and more balanced and at the end of the day, that more greatly impacts our overall happiness than our careers.

I'm sorry you also live far from family, OP. I understand the stress and the envy!!

Well you can have that, but it will take significantly rearranging your life. My sister and her DH did it. My parents watch their kids all the time and spend lots of time together. But it means they have to live in a congested suburban area. They would both prefer to live in the Southwest and both could have had good jobs there. They prioritized living near family and sacrificed elsewhere to do it.

Same as yours, OP, though having healthy, functional family period would be preferable to my own, even if they were far away. Dysfunctional family—especially when local—is an enormous stressor. It doesn’t help when people assume that they are helpful just because they are local.

Anonymous wrote:I am not a jealous person and I wouldn’t want to trade lives with anyone. But I am SO envious of people who have close by family help that is actually helpful. I hope those of you who have this realize just how unbelievably lucky you are. My parents are a 4 hour plane ride away and my siblings are about that far. We have a great after school nanny who we love, but it’s just not the same. What I wouldn’t give to just be able to drop my kids off at their grandparents for a few hours every weekend....Sadly our jobs are here and we aren’t moving to where they are and they are not moving here...

Anyway, just a Friday afternoon vent. What’s your parenting envy?

count your blessing... that's more than many people can say.

Anonymous wrote:I am not a jealous person and I wouldn’t want to trade lives with anyone. But I am SO envious of people who have close by family help that is actually helpful. I hope those of you who have this realize just how unbelievably lucky you are. My parents are a 4 hour plane ride away and my siblings are about that far. We have a great after school nanny who we love, but it’s just not the same. What I wouldn’t give to just be able to drop my kids off at their grandparents for a few hours every weekend....Sadly our jobs are here and we aren’t moving to where they are and they are not moving here...

Anyway, just a Friday afternoon vent. What’s your parenting envy?

Grandparents and all the stories they have to share about their lives and extended family. They never need change a diaper. I would just...I would love having someone to help build the narrative of our collective past.

I miss my family too, OP. My kids are old enough that I don’t really need childcare anymore, but I still miss having those other people in my life and in their lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A four hour flight isn't bad at all. And it's what, like an hour or two time difference? The quickest I can get to my parents who are approx 9,000 miles and 9 timezones away from me is about a 36 hour journey involving multiple flights.

Np here. It's not a contest. Four hours isn't easy for everyone and may be cost prohibitive. Let's be kinder to each other.

No one is being unkind. Of course 4 hours may be cost prohibitive, but what do you think 36 hours is like?

I am envious you have the money for a nanny. Stop chasing your tail and be happy with what you've got.