Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

Getting a name for the first time is a completely different issue than changing a name.

Because the only alternative was saddling the kids with a hyphenated last name, which would have been long. And it was important to DH and less important to me.

I'm not particularly a feminist, so that's not why I kept my name when I got married. I am who I am, and it seemed weird to me to change my name part way through my life because of a tradition that I didn't find persuasive. When my kids were born, I was totally fine giving them my husband'a last name. I have not for one minute felt my connection to them or to my husband diminished because I don't share their last name. And it has not once been an issue logistically or caused any confusion as to our being a family. It's just not a big deal. Heck, it's not even a small deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Um. My own name is my surname. It's not my father's name any more than it is my aunt's name. It's our family name. I was born with it, she was born with it, he was born with it. It's mine.

(And I'm a woman and now it is my son's.)

Right, it was your father's name and descended down the patriarchy. So, you were given a man's name when you were born. There's no shame in that, just understand that you're not really doing anything different by taking your husband's name.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Um. My own name is my surname. It's not my father's name any more than it is my aunt's name. It's our family name. I was born with it, she was born with it, he was born with it. It's mine.

(And I'm a woman and now it is my son's.)

It’s your father’s name. If he had a different last name then you’d have a different last name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Um. My own name is my surname. It's not my father's name any more than it is my aunt's name. It's our family name. I was born with it, she was born with it, he was born with it. It's mine.

(And I'm a woman and now it is my son's.)

Right, it was your father's name and descended down the patriarchy. So, you were given a man's name when you were born. There's no shame in that, just understand that you're not really doing anything different by taking your husband's name.

I didn't change my name as I had already had publications under my name when I married. My kids have my last name as their middle name and my husband's last name as their true last name. Spanish speaking folk do this best--their kids are First Name Mother's Last Name Father's Last Name. Much more equitable.

Who cares? Why are you picking a fight over this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Um. My own name is my surname. It's not my father's name any more than it is my aunt's name. It's our family name. I was born with it, she was born with it, he was born with it. It's mine.

(And I'm a woman and now it is my son's.)

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Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name. I kept my maiden name. DH is the odd person in the house.

LOL, what a cuck.

On the contrary, I admire someone who is strong and confident enough to flout convention.

NP here, me too! I posted on another recent thread how it took a really strong man to be confident enough in his manhood to make decisions about naming in marriage/children as an equal partner with a spouse - that is, considering equally the possibility of taking a spouse's name, or not, and having both spouses have equal consideration in whose surname is given to children. Someone scoffed that a person's choice of naming conventions has nothing to do with strength, but's ignoramuses like the "cuck" commenter that show that it take's a strong man to stand up to the sensitive snowflake men who consider their names to be extensions of their manhood.

First two kids, dad’s last name. I never liked my last name , but I really did not like the ring of his either with my first name nor did I want to go through the hassle of a name change to one I didn’t like. Think Marcy Darcy.

For my second two eleven years later with a different partner, he was adopted and his name was changed by an abusive parent. Even he doesn’t like his last name. I changed my last name and our kids to a completely new name, which I now love. He is still holding out since his adopted siblings all have the same name from that evil family.

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

This. Also, my husband's name and my name don't go together well. Finally my husband said he fell in love with me with my original name, and didn't see why I would have to change it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Anonymous wrote:Because you have to be a feminist and keep your name but society can't think your children are bastards or illegitimate so they get dad's name.

Is this tongue in cheek (on purpose)? You do realize the idea of bastards is one passed down by the patriarchy. Marriage is a lot of wonderful things but we no longer throw kids in orphanages and women in whore houses for having kids outside of marriage while ignoring men’s infidelity.