Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK how is it that all these parents on here are so sure their kids aren't partying? Judging from my friends' parents and my own parents' ideas of how we spent our time, I've concluded that parents don't know the half of what goes on. A friend of mind found out her DC was partying and experimenting way more than she thought. Not that that's a bad thing. I just think it's strange that so many on here are so certain they know.

It’s not so much partying I’m worried about — it’s partying effecting class attendance and studying (ergo grades). idk what my kid does in their dorm complex, but I can see if he leaves for class in the morning and if he’s ever in campus libraries.

I just can’t imagine tracking my college students (I have 2 - freshmen and junior). The apron strings need to be cut. If their grades suck, then address it and pull the $ if warranted. Otherwise quit the micromanaging. I am so worried how these kids will ever make it in the real world with this overwhelming involvement.

If the grades suck you have proof of why. Kids lie, you know. "But mom, I don't know what happened, I don't party, I go to every lecture, I'm in the library all weekend." Well, actually...

Proof - is it a jury trial? Are you going to impeach the witness on the stand? “Isn’t it true you said you were at the library when you were actually at a frat party?”

Tell the kid that they need to get an acceptable GPA and that if they don’t they will be withdrawing and going to community college. And then quit stalking their every move. Let them stand (or fall) on their own two feet without watching their every move. That’s how kids grow up.

I know because my kid was sad for her first few weeks of school because she could not find other kids who did not drink. Now she has. Every weekend they go to the school’s alternative weekend activities (like laser tag). She picked a school, in part , on whether kids who did not drink were pressured vs accepted.

Obviously a lot of people here think underage drinking is normal and fine. I can see why you think everyone does it, and why your kids are in that group.

Neither of my kids are partiers. One is a college senior, the other a college freshman. I am sure that they have the occasional drink, but am also sure they are not partying their way through the experience.

How am I sure? I know them. We have warm, close relationships. They didn't party in high school, and the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

My daughter purposely picked a small stem school to avoid the big party atmosphere. She has drank a few times, but only got tipsy 1-2 times. No drugs, not even pot. She isn’t an introvert, and actually loves to socialize without drinking/drugs. She is in IM sports, lots of clubs, and plays board and card games a lot.

My husband and I on the other hand were huge partners in college. So it isn’t like we expect perfection.

I don’t track her. She will make good and bad decisions and learn from both. That is life.

My freshman daughter is partying 2-3 nights a week on average. She’s smart, knows her limits, watches out for friends who don’t, and is not impacting class attendance or grades. Her earliest class is at 10 some days and 12 others, so that helps.

Both my college students party- My DS is a junior and is very social- I know partied too much, but don't know the details. I'm sure this is why he gets mediocre grades. He now has a girlfriend so his partying has gone way down. My DD is a freshman and is definately going to parties. She tells me that she doesn't drink too much- I believe her but honestly have no real knowledge. I partied all through college- 3 to 4 nights a week but ended up having a good career, raised a family, don't drink excessively (like I did then). I hope they aren't as crazy as me.

Well my niece is having a great freshman year at UVA. How do I know? Instagram! The party pictures are there...

Mind your own freaking business and trust your kid.

Problem is the parents hanging out in the Facebook groups and talking about their kids.

We partied 30 years ago and they are partying now. Those who can't handle it or don't learn how to balance their time will be evident by the end of freshman year.

Anonymous wrote:OK how is it that all these parents on here are so sure their kids aren't partying? Judging from my friends' parents and my own parents' ideas of how we spent our time, I've concluded that parents don't know the half of what goes on. A friend of mind found out her DC was partying and experimenting way more than she thought. Not that that's a bad thing. I just think it's strange that so many on here are so certain they know.

This. My daughter is at a smallish college with an active parent Facebook group. I could create an entire photo essay comparing and contrasting the posts on the parents group about “my kid doesn’t party/drink/etc” with the photos from the Instagram posts of my daughter and her friends. Yes your kid parties. Yes, I heard about how your daughter was throwing up in my daughter’s floor all night because she and her roommate decided they couldn’t leave your daughter alone after they saw how drunk she was. Yes, your “bookish son that prefers board games and Xbox” is in the pictures from the frat party last Thursday. The kids are fine, they’re taking care of each other, they’re going to class and working hard, they’re learning how to be grown ups, and they aren’t sharing everything because they know you’d be disappointed or you’d worry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK how is it that all these parents on here are so sure their kids aren't partying? Judging from my friends' parents and my own parents' ideas of how we spent our time, I've concluded that parents don't know the half of what goes on. A friend of mind found out her DC was partying and experimenting way more than she thought. Not that that's a bad thing. I just think it's strange that so many on here are so certain they know.

It’s not so much partying I’m worried about — it’s partying effecting class attendance and studying (ergo grades). idk what my kid does in their dorm complex, but I can see if he leaves for class in the morning and if he’s ever in campus libraries.

I just can’t imagine tracking my college students (I have 2 - freshmen and junior). The apron strings need to be cut. If their grades suck, then address it and pull the $ if warranted. Otherwise quit the micromanaging. I am so worried how these kids will ever make it in the real world with this overwhelming involvement.

If the grades suck you have proof of why. Kids lie, you know. "But mom, I don't know what happened, I don't party, I go to every lecture, I'm in the library all weekend." Well, actually...

Anonymous wrote:parties is a ridiculous and imprecise verb.

It's third-person singular simple present verb.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is a recruited athlete and has to be up for practice at 5 or 6 am 6 days a week. This early rising is not different than her high school routine (now she walks instead of driving). A positive externality of her commitment to her sport it that it keeps partying to a minimum but I am not under the illusion that she doesnt party/drink at all.

lol. You’re delusional. 90% of kids quit their sport because they want to party and not wake up at 6am and be gone every weekend. You’ll see.

I think you are saying 90% of recruited athlete quit? Lol, nope. But maybe you mean 90% of the ones who quit do it bc they want to sleep in and party.

DD wants to go to olympic trials next year. I assure you she wont be tossing out the opportunity to train with a highly sought after coach/program for a few natty lights.

+1. PP has zero clue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is a recruited athlete and has to be up for practice at 5 or 6 am 6 days a week. This early rising is not different than her high school routine (now she walks instead of driving). A positive externality of her commitment to her sport it that it keeps partying to a minimum but I am not under the illusion that she doesnt party/drink at all.

lol. You’re delusional. 90% of kids quit their sport because they want to party and not wake up at 6am and be gone every weekend. You’ll see.

I think you are saying 90% of recruited athlete quit? Lol, nope. But maybe you mean 90% of the ones who quit do it bc they want to sleep in and party.

DD wants to go to olympic trials next year. I assure you she wont be tossing out the opportunity to train with a highly sought after coach/program for a few natty lights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK how is it that all these parents on here are so sure their kids aren't partying? Judging from my friends' parents and my own parents' ideas of how we spent our time, I've concluded that parents don't know the half of what goes on. A friend of mind found out her DC was partying and experimenting way more than she thought. Not that that's a bad thing. I just think it's strange that so many on here are so certain they know.

It’s not so much partying I’m worried about — it’s partying effecting class attendance and studying (ergo grades). idk what my kid does in their dorm complex, but I can see if he leaves for class in the morning and if he’s ever in campus libraries.

I just can’t imagine tracking my college students (I have 2 - freshmen and junior). The apron strings need to be cut. If their grades suck, then address it and pull the $ if warranted. Otherwise quit the micromanaging. I am so worried how these kids will ever make it in the real world with this overwhelming involvement.