Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became an empty nester this year so I can relate to OP. I’ve been worried about this for a while and took up new hobbies that involve other people and it’s helped a lot. It’s given me something fun to look forward to regularly. I still struggle with the idea that this is just the start - my DC will grow more and more independent. Colleges have parents’ weekend, breaks, etc. that jobs don’t. I have to remind myself that change is hard and that I’ll get used to the new normal, and then it won’t be hard anymore.

PP, what are some of the new hobbies that involve other people that you've taken up? Anyone else have ideas for hobbies that involve other people?

I still have 4 kids at home, but would LOVE some time to do hobbies. Some suggestions of hobbies that include others (of course these are ideas that I would like )

Join a hiking/biking club
Bread baking class
Piano lessons in a group setting
Volunteer at a hospital/hospice or something similar like Meals on Wheels
Start another book club (this time for people that want to seriously discuss literature, not just get together and never talk about the book, even though I enjoy doing that too)
Take a class at local community college just for the fun of it.

I guess because I don't have time to do many of those things, I feel like I could come up with a hundred more. Just explore the things you are interested in, find a meet up, or create one of your own.

For many people, especially SAHM’s becoming an empty nester means there is a massive void in their lives. Once my kids were out of ES I went back to work 30 hours a week so by the time I became an empty nester my self worth wasn’t only tied up in being a mother. Being busy is the best way for dealing with being an empty nester.

Anonymous wrote:I became an empty nester this year so I can relate to OP. I’ve been worried about this for a while and took up new hobbies that involve other people and it’s helped a lot. It’s given me something fun to look forward to regularly. I still struggle with the idea that this is just the start - my DC will grow more and more independent. Colleges have parents’ weekend, breaks, etc. that jobs don’t. I have to remind myself that change is hard and that I’ll get used to the new normal, and then it won’t be hard anymore.

PP, what are some of the new hobbies that involve other people that you've taken up? Anyone else have ideas for hobbies that involve other people?

Jumping on this thread a month later, as my oldest child graduated from college and is now starting a new job in a new city. I'm so proud of my kid, but all that separation and independence hurts! I've been trying to fill the gap with work and other activities, but what I really want is my child at home with me. Hobbies and friends don't cut it, but they will have to do. My child is very happy, so I'm happy about that, but the end of childhood is very difficult for parents. My neighbor says the next phase will be exciting, and when the grandchildren come, I'll be overjoyed. I guess so, but that's going to be a long time, I'm thinking.

OP, if you're still reading, you're not alone. I wish there were more support groups for empty nesters! It's much harder than I ever imagined.

I am sobbing from reading OP's words! my kids are 5 and 3...and I can imagine the day when my younger one goes to college...my heart hurts from just thinking about that.

I became an empty nester this year so I can relate to OP. I’ve been worried about this for a while and took up new hobbies that involve other people and it’s helped a lot. It’s given me something fun to look forward to regularly. I still struggle with the idea that this is just the start - my DC will grow more and more independent. Colleges have parents’ weekend, breaks, etc. that jobs don’t. I have to remind myself that change is hard and that I’ll get used to the new normal, and then it won’t be hard anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s 20!

Why didn’t he go to college earlier?

Leave OP alone! Maybe he took a gap year, maybe working, volunteering. Just cheer her up if you experienced what she is going through.

Sorry OP, I'm almost there. Think I will be a wreck when the time comes.

I thought that I posted about his status, he actually already has his Associates for Science and is now a transfer student at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo pursuing his major. He attended the local college until he had decided what his major was going to be. (He didn't want to waste our money)

He sounds like a very mature young man. He'll do fine and so will you . Give yourself a little time to adjust to him being away. I know it's hard but what he is doing is such a positive thing - you have so much to be proud of!

Anonymous wrote:20? why is he 20 and going to freshman year.

Maybe he has his Associates and is transferring from the local community college where he lived at home to a 4 year university where he will live on campus?

I also am finding sophomore year MUCH easier.

Coming home freshman year after the dropoff was the hardest: an empty house (I have no spouse). No one to cook for. No one to plan for and talk to.

BUT, now I know that:

1) They get tons of breaks from college, so you WILL see them again.
2) I am still a factor in my child's life/decision-making
3) It is SO much more manageable to be responsible for one person's life instead of two
4) No, I have not accomplished any major bucket list items yet, but I do have free time now and the luxury of focusing on stuff I have put off for too long
3) My DC is my favorite person on the planet...but not always a dream companion for every activity. (I like being with other adults who can stay off their phone for hours on end. )
4) It makes me happy and excited to see how well she is doing in college, the new opportunities, the way she is rising to her expanding responsibilities and freedom. I find all of her beginnings exciting to watch. I feel surprisingly proud of how well she has "turned out." Putting my feet up a little this year, for a job well done.

Anonymous wrote:Freshman year is hard but sophomore is worse. Really independent then.

Really? My mileage has varied from that. I am finding sophomore year much easier.

Big hugs, OP.

I don't know how you send a kid to college and then AREN'T a mess for a little while. You did good. Be gentle with yourself.

My only's a senior this year, and I'm calling it the Year of Occasional Ugly Crying.

Anonymous wrote:Be happy the boy stink is going to air out of his room & get a grip. Be excited for him. Make it less about you.

+1. I'm in the same boat and am very happy for my son. And I get to play more golf now. Oh, crap, I'm making it about me