10:13 - his ex might be more fertile than you are. Some of us had unexpected pregnancies (while unmarried) because of birth control failure. It does happen. That's not the thing for which I'd be judging him, or her.

I'd run op. Your boyfriend knows it is his ex?? (note the question marks) calling. Kids don't call, ever, not when it may make sense to do so. My kid texted me instead of calling me to ask where her ride was when she needed to get home from an after school activity. She also failed to call or text me when she was safely in the car to come home, and she's a good kid. Believe me, your boyfriend knows it isn't his kid calling despite what the phone number says, and despite what he tells you. He knows you don't know how this works yet and is taking advantage.

Second, note that he has final say on custody issues, and he calls out the boy interests like sports. Really? It just doesn't sound right to me.
Third, he disparages his ex, to the point of talking about her public behavior, yet is ok leaving his kids with her while he goes on dates. Think about that. I'm not convinced this ex doesn't give as good as she gets. Even if #3 wasn't a factor, I wouldn't want to date a man who took advantage of my lack of ignorance on how kids use phones, or who bragged about having tie-breaking authority on things all dads probably fantasize about. Note that he probably doesn't fill out the paperwork or buy the sports equipment in a timely fashion thereby causing his ex stress both because it makes her look bad to the coaches, and because she has to listen to his beloved children ask 100 times about wether or not they can do a given sport this season.

You don't have a winner here, op.

The fact that he’s in this situation at all - having a child out of wedlock with a crazy baby mama - would cause me to question his judgment at a level I couldn’t get past.

I have to agree that there are a lot of red flags here. How do you know it's his DC's cell phone and not the eX's? How old is the child? I find it odd that he's got so much say in his DC's life yet he hasn't had some sort of injunction against her using his DC's cell phone. If the DC is old enough to have a phone, the DC is old enough to contact his father if there's an issue. If the XGF is using the phone to call, the guy out to get some sort of agreement that she cannot use the DC's phone to contact him.

Short story: Something isn't right and you should DTMF before it goes any further.

Run.

It's a blessing to have big red flags so early in a relationship.

He’d have lost me at the fact that he was never married to the mother of his child.

Walk away.

Where’ OP?
Probably a troll.

Because of the baby mama drama, he is neither fling material nor LTR material. Walk away.

I agree with the PPs who point out this is the time period for "best behavior" and still you've seen interference and problems from the ex. This will not go away.

I am remarried. Both my DH and I had children from our first marriages. So I'm not unsympathetic to the dynamics here and I wouldn't say don't date anyone with children. But this guy has boundary issues if he had a child with this woman.

He is a d***. Move on. Saying the child's mother has no say gives you a clue what he thinks about your rights if you habe kids with him.

Nope. She's calling from the child's phone repeatedly and he continues to put up with it? Nope nope nope.

Anonymous wrote:It took my crazy ex-wife 5 years to calm down and begin to leave me alone. Now she just attacks me a couple of times a year.

I had several good women break it off with me because of how awful she was.

But it was your responsibility to keep your ex out of the picture, out of the conversations, out of sight. If she escalated by contacting your new dating partners, you should have gone straight to the police. I’m guessing you did none of that and that’s why they all left you. Sometimes we subconsciously enjoy the drama while telling ourselves and others something different.

Having a psycho ex who he was dumb enough to get pregnant who still relies on him? Next.

Unfortunately you are getting a preview of what awaits you if you decide to have a relationship w/this person.

It is very clear that his ex is still carrying a torch for this guy.
And if you decide to have a relationship w/him, things may get worse when she finds out about you.

You will always be caught in the middle of this acrimony & it will definitely get old + wear you out.

Avoid unnecessary stress in your life and move on.
Seek a man who has his life together and one that is far removed from chaos in his every day world.

Good luck.

If I am reading the story correctly he took the phone call from the ex because she was using their child’s cell phone to reach him. I don’t want to say a hard pass because I think the dad that just gives up and has nothing to do with their kid is way worse. But at the same time he has to have real boundaries with the ex. If her calling from the kids phone is an issue, he needs to figure out a solution- I can’t imagine he is the first to have that happen.