Anonymous wrote:The reason your SAHM friends don't seem as stressed is because they are likely seeing their husbands each evening and getting that help and companionship.

This.

The last time I had an infant I was going through a horrible divorce. It was twenty times harder than baby #1.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a stay at home parent with a spouse that does a significant amount of work travel. We have a 2 and 3 year old. I am really struggling with not losing my patience by the end of the day, especially on weeks of heavy travel. If you’re in this situation can you share any tips on days that you’ve hit your limit or just what is realistic in terms of being with children all the time. I think maybe it may be personal to me. I don’t see other stay at home moms as stressed from being with the kids. Going back to work would be nearly impossible with my husbands insane travel schedule.

My kids are in school. The 3 year old goes 25 hours a week and the 2 year old goes 10. 3 year old us very high energy and the 2 year old has some special needs so we go to a lot of appointments. [/quote]

yes I don't understand the OP .. your kids are in school a decent amount . so you are home with none of them at least 10 hours a week .. ?[/quote]

Working parent here (no WAH). I am NEVER at home without a kid underfoot. I would give so much for 10 hours a week alone... only way to swing that is to burn vacation while they are at daycare.

Sure weekends, maybe spouse can take them, but generally we have to divide and conquer.

[/quote]

But you are at work 40 hrs a week without kids...not an equally comparison at all.

I was a SAHM and then a single mom to kids under three. Not having a break and the relentlessness of it is what makes it so tough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home parent with a spouse that does a significant amount of work travel. We have a 2 and 3 year old. I am really struggling with not losing my patience by the end of the day, especially on weeks of heavy travel. If you’re in this situation can you share any tips on days that you’ve hit your limit or just what is realistic in terms of being with children all the time. I think maybe it may be personal to me. I don’t see other stay at home moms as stressed from being with the kids. Going back to work would be nearly impossible with my husbands insane travel schedule.

My kids are in school. The 3 year old goes 25 hours a week and the 2 year old goes 10. 3 year old us very high energy and the 2 year old has some special needs so we go to a lot of appointments.

You have fair amount of breaks. More than I ever did prior to Elementary school starting. But if you think a sitter would help, get one. In my case I would have been making up errands to have something to do while the sitter was there and errands didn’t relax me.

The kids need to nap or have quiet time if they don’t.

I mean this nicely but maybe a parenting class would help?

10 hours of a break away from any children is not very much in a week, especially when a good portion of that time is dealing with insurance and appointments for special needs child. Does your husband work? Have you ever done all mornings and bedtime for a week straight.. like you know you cannot take your eyes off the kids because you're the only parent there? It's.. a lot.. You're rude... I mean that nicely.

Yep. And 25 hours a week for a THREE year old is insane when the mother doesn’t work. And I didn’t even put my 2 years olds in preschool. She doesn’t sound like SAH is for her.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a stay at home parent with a spouse that does a significant amount of work travel. We have a 2 and 3 year old. I am really struggling with not losing my patience by the end of the day, especially on weeks of heavy travel. If you’re in this situation can you share any tips on days that you’ve hit your limit or just what is realistic in terms of being with children all the time. I think maybe it may be personal to me. I don’t see other stay at home moms as stressed from being with the kids. Going back to work would be nearly impossible with my husbands insane travel schedule.

My kids are in school. The 3 year old goes 25 hours a week and the 2 year old goes 10. 3 year old us very high energy and the 2 year old has some special needs so we go to a lot of appointments. [/quote]

yes I don't understand the OP .. your kids are in school a decent amount . so you are home with none of them at least 10 hours a week .. ?[/quote]

Working parent here (no WAH). I am NEVER at home without a kid underfoot. I would give so much for 10 hours a week alone... only way to swing that is to burn vacation while they are at daycare.

Sure weekends, maybe spouse can take them, but generally we have to divide and conquer.

[quote=Anonymous]I am a stay at home parent with a spouse that does a significant amount of work travel. We have a 2 and 3 year old. I am really struggling with not losing my patience by the end of the day, especially on weeks of heavy travel. If you’re in this situation can you share any tips on days that you’ve hit your limit or just what is realistic in terms of being with children all the time. I think maybe it may be personal to me. I don’t see other stay at home moms as stressed from being with the kids. Going back to work would be nearly impossible with my husbands insane travel schedule.

My kids are in school. The 3 year old goes 25 hours a week and the 2 year old goes 10. 3 year old us very high energy and the 2 year old has some special needs so we go to a lot of appointments. [/quote]

yes I don't understand the OP .. your kids are in school a decent amount . so you are home with none of them at least 10 hours a week .. ?

I am a SAHM with zero outsourcing and no babysitter. We are financially not able to outsource anything. I rely on my parents to babysit only in emergencies. It is really tough, but my kids are both now in Elem school so I consider those my breaks. When they are home, it is mostly just me though. I do use screen time for breaks.

FWIW - I think being a SAHM is tough. It’s not for me. My friend who love being SAHMs are schedule wizards and have things planned every day for everything. You may just need to schedule some time for you whether it’s gym or babysitter or getting your nails done during preschool hours.

As a WOHM: why do people think work is an automatic vacation? Like I get paid to sip Mai Tais in an adult only all inclusive resort for 10 hours a day and have all this $$ to throw around - $2k for daycare, Monopoly money!

I love my kids and I need to make money to pay my mortgage so - I’ll have me time in a few years..

(or take 10 min to check DCUM)

A gym/workout class with childcare?

^^ SIL = she (autocorrect)

Consider going back to work at least with reduced hours, if not full time, and hiring a nanny for your kids. You can have her handle the 2yo appointments, do the kids' meal prep and laundry, and tidy up after them. You might be happier and enjoy the time you do get with your kids a lot more.

I've a friend whose husband who travels internationally for work all the time, and is sometimes gone for 2-week stretches. She too works full time, but has very little travel. They have a nanny who works from 7-6:30, and 2 kids in half-day preschool. When the kids are in school or napping the nanny cooks, does laundry, tidies up etc. She gives them lunch, takes them to afternoon activities, and gives them dinner, and by the time SIL is back from work all she needs to do is bath/ bedtime stories etc.

You know what, some people would be stressed being a surgeon all day and some people love it. Some would be a nervous wreck policing and some would thrive. Some people would hate sitting at a desk doing paperwork and some wouldn’t. For some, their personal idea of hell would be listening to other people’s problems all day. For others this is a soul calling.

Childcare is a kind of labor that involves certain activities, skills, and dispositions. It’s not for everyone, especially not round the clock, especially not at ages that require constant vigilance. I have a child that age and the room could be totally childproof — she’d find a way to break something, climb on it, and dive out the window. Eldest was the opposite, cautious and loved books and puzzles. If you have an easy kid or an easy time with the day in day out routine of caregiving, good for you. OP it sounds like that isn’t your situation. I would pay for breaks, take care of your mental health. Take responsibility for you and know that your happiness is important to your capacity to mother.

Do you have any support groups or friends that are going through your specific SN concerns? I wonder if dealing with that stress is affecting you more than you realize.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hours your kids are in preschool is your break.

So is the quiet time/nap

So is whatever amount of screen time they get.

And after everyone is tucked into bed.


FWIW, there were a few times when I woke up like 30 min early just to have an uninterrupted cup of coffee (and a brownie) and just sorta veg out.

This. OP your issue is mental. No one is watching you — put the kids in a child proof room with a puzzle and some toys and veg on a couch. I mean NO ONE will know or care. Your kids will be fine. I do this all the time with my 2 year old, he’s quite good at puzzles now.

If you can’t figure out how to relax you might need therapy or meds.

+1

My three year old is watching his one tv show a day right now, and baby is alone in his room crawling around and playing with toys. I just took a shower and am reading DCUM while I drink coffee. You can get a break if you need, just do it. Fwiw, my DH deployed last year too, I was solo, no babysitter, for seven months, we did 6:30 bedtime, and my then two year old napped, those were my breaks. If you have kids in any sort of childcare while staying at home, you really shouldn’t be stressed, I mean, you know when your next break is coming. It’s not a competition, but good lord, watching your own kids shouldn’t break you lady.

PS I guess I did hire a babysitter twice, when I had the baby’s anatomy scan and I did my three hour gestational diabetes test.

Deployed is worse than OPs case, where he was just traveling for work, and likely her DH makes far more money.

One advantage that a military family may have is that they foster community well, so Op should try to befriend other SAHMS and maybe even get a little baby sitting swap going (though for non-military SAHMs I suspect they are wealthy enough that trading favors maybe given side eye)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hours your kids are in preschool is your break.

So is the quiet time/nap

So is whatever amount of screen time they get.

And after everyone is tucked into bed.


FWIW, there were a few times when I woke up like 30 min early just to have an uninterrupted cup of coffee (and a brownie) and just sorta veg out.

This. OP your issue is mental. No one is watching you — put the kids in a child proof room with a puzzle and some toys and veg on a couch. I mean NO ONE will know or care. Your kids will be fine. I do this all the time with my 2 year old, he’s quite good at puzzles now.

If you can’t figure out how to relax you might need therapy or meds.

+1

My three year old is watching his one tv show a day right now, and baby is alone in his room crawling around and playing with toys. I just took a shower and am reading DCUM while I drink coffee. You can get a break if you need, just do it. Fwiw, my DH deployed last year too, I was solo, no babysitter, for seven months, we did 6:30 bedtime, and my then two year old napped, those were my breaks. If you have kids in any sort of childcare while staying at home, you really shouldn’t be stressed, I mean, you know when your next break is coming. It’s not a competition, but good lord, watching your own kids shouldn’t break you lady.

PS I guess I did hire a babysitter twice, when I had the baby’s anatomy scan and I did my three hour gestational diabetes test.