Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

Not a magic wand, but if you think she could be struggling with social anxiety, perhaps cognitive behavioral therapy can help? It teaches kids to not avoid but to face their fears (e.g., meeting new people), and a bit of social skills training too.

This. It sounds like social anxiety, not just shyness. See if you can get her help instead of just accepting this as an immutable characteristic. That will help her for her whole life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

This exactly. The people who are claiming, "She'll be fine. She'll learn how to make friends." really have no idea what it's like for some people.

No, we do know. We know that our kids will not make friends, we have kids with SN, we have kids that can't talk to people. We do not change the school!!!, we help out kid as best as we can. What's next for this mom and you? Asking that the job give your kid an office instead of a cubicle? Asking for a whole floor at the hotel? Asking for a fast food place to empty so your kid is not bothered?! WTF!

Just no. Absolutely not. What is wrong with you? Instead of helping your dd cope and learn to make friends, you are thinking about having the school(whole school) accommodate your dd's inability to make friends. You are nuts and not doing your child any favors.
I am a mom of a young adult that has struggled with sever anxiety wince 4 years old, including selective mutism, and something like this never, ever entered my mind!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

This exactly. The people who are claiming, "She'll be fine. She'll learn how to make friends." really have no idea what it's like for some people.

I absolutely do know what it's like. I have one of these kids. Was it hard for me to step back and let her do it on her own? Absolutely. But other than suggesting she join a club or two as a way to meet new people, I knew that's what I had to do for her own good. It took two years, but she eventually figured it out all on her own and now has a small but good group of friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

Some of us here are familiar with it. The best answer for social anxiety isn't really keep avoiding these social situations--that can actually make it worse/maintain it over time. Part of the answer is facing the anxiety head on through treatment.

X100.

+100 The ones advocating to actually try and make the switch are missing the point of parenting. You're supposed to be preparing your children for successful adulthood which means working through situations like these--not having your mother step in and temporarily fix them for you thereby avoiding having to face them. OP's kid is in HS, not elementary or middle school, so the time to learn these techniques is NOW. Otherwise how does OP think her kid will survive college or the work place?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

Some of us here are familiar with it. The best answer for social anxiety isn't really keep avoiding these social situations--that can actually make it worse/maintain it over time. Part of the answer is facing the anxiety head on through treatment.

X100.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

Some of us here are familiar with it. The best answer for social anxiety isn't really keep avoiding these social situations--that can actually make it worse/maintain it over time. Part of the answer is facing the anxiety head on through treatment.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

This exactly. The people who are claiming, "She'll be fine. She'll learn how to make friends." really have no idea what it's like for some people.

I asked once in junior high and the response was that they can’t change the schedule, but will work on the social issues.

This year (sophomore) DS decided to change an elective the first few days of school and that had the added benefit of moving to a math class with a teacher with a better reputation and several friends in the class.

I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

Anonymous wrote:I would talk with the counselor -- not to request a class change - - but to ask her help in helping DD to adjust to HS. I know it's really painful to watch and feel helpless but I'm sure she's not the first kid to have this problem.

+1. I'd go farther and first, describe the problem, second, ask for the class change, third, after the counselor says no, ask for other options to help your DD. (and who knows they might change her schedule around; you never know without asking.)

PPs lay off OP. She knows her kid and her kid is struggling. That said, OP, their brains are really developing at this time, and she may surprise you. My DD suddenly blossomed; it didn't follow the trajectory. You've also got your DD on a trajectory, but it doesn't take into account how much they change.

Anonymous wrote:
The counselor may have social clubs after school or furing lunch to recommend.

My children are very introverted and have difficulty making friends, but I would never ask this, OP. Scheduling is a nightmare for schools. The sneaky way would be to figure out where the friends are during 4th period and find a plausible *academic* reason to switch to that class...

This. If you could manage it. But impossible at our school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

It actually was a helpful response. Sorry you couldn’t see past yourself.

Not helpful and really stupid remark.

OP we actually changed to private school over this and other. It was clear my DD wasn’t going to do well in this environment and she needed more support than public school was giving her. I know that’s an extreme option but it was what she needed at the time.

The counselor may have social clubs after school or furing lunch to recommend.

My children are very introverted and have difficulty making friends, but I would never ask this, OP. Scheduling is a nightmare for schools. The sneaky way would be to figure out where the friends are during 4th period and find a plausible *academic* reason to switch to that class...